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Who: Vash and you!
Broadcast: Yup!
Action: Twin Roses and at the Space Bar
When: Right now

SMASH!

[The feed starts with a loud bang as Vash's communicator tumbles over and over until it bounces twice on the ground before coming to a rest.] GET BACK HERE YOU FLEA BITTEN- [A black cat darts past the screen and there is the sound of loud thumping feet.] -SPAWN OF SATAN! THAT IS MY LUNCH! [Whoops there goes the cat again with a piece of meat dangling out of her mouth.

Only this time there's an arm that successfully catches the cat by the scuff of her neck.] GOTCHA! I thought I got rid of you on the last planet. How long have you been on this ship for anyway?

[Vash looks down and notices the communicator is recording. He holds the cat up to the camera as it calmly chews on the stolen piece of meat. She seems pretty content to just hang in his arm for the moment.] Anyone want a mangy cat? [He's not serious. Just annoyed.

Vash will either be on the Twin Roses or at his job at the Space Bar. His job in a kitchen. Where he thinks he left the cat back on the Roses. A cat in the kitchen is a terrible place for a cat to be. So it's a good thing that the cat isn't here-]

Neyrow~!

OH, COME ON!

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

No. She can stay on this ship. I just thought it would be better for her to stay on a planet. You know, with a normal family who isn't constantly drifting through space and being put into crazy situations for the sake of ratings.

[Mantis shakes his head, but his shoulders are shaking.] You're very soft-hearted for someone who started a broadcast arguing with a cat over food.

I didn't start it! She started it! And I'm still angry she stole my food!

[...]

Although, I suppose I wasn't feeding her because I didn't know she was here.

Edited 2018-02-23 10:56 (UTC)

BUT THAT'S NOT THE POINT I'M TRYING TO MAKE! SHE DIDN'T NEED TO STEAL MY FOOD JUST LET ME KNOW SHE WAS HERE.

[Mantis needs to put his head down a bit, he's sorry ~~not sorry~~. Vash is so emotional and quick to switch between moods. It's amazing.]

Put yourself in the position of a small cat. You're alone and no one has come along to feed you or give you water or provide a litter box. [He holds up one hand to count off the feline necessities.] I'm amazed that stealing food is how you found her at last.

Edited 2018-02-23 17:00 (UTC)

There are other cats on this ship. She had access to litter, water, and food. She just needed to come out of hiding. [Vash sits down at the table again to try and finish his meal. Immediately his lap is taken over by the cat who uses it as a stepping stone to reach his plate of food.]

Hey! [Vash is quick to pick her up and place her on the floor, but then she's quickly back onto his lap.]

What did I do to deserve this?

[It takes a deep, cleansing kind of breath, but he picks his head back up a little. He can't help it. One cat shouldn't be able to cause so much chaos.]

She likes you. And your food. Cats are smart enough to figure out the difference between the food that's made for them and the food you make for yourself.

[Kuroneko is a very special cat and will cause havoc everywhere that she goes.] Isn't that great. [She makes a move to get back up towards his food and Vash has to put a hand on her to keep her from getting back up.] So you're saying even if I get her, her own food she'll likely still want mine?

How do people even live with cats?

[Mantis has half a mind to find toys or catnip to scatter around Vash's ship. Just to witness the eventual havoc that would follow such a gift-giving.]

Of course! Cats aren't dogs. They retain much of the pride that they were revered for when they first began to recognize there were benefits to working with humans. As to how people live with them: it comes down to patience and learning to recognize how cats communicate. Hardly rocket science.

You know. I'm starting to get the feeling that you're a cat-type-person. [He does not say this like it's a bad thing.]

So they get benefits from working with humans and not the other way around?[Vash looks down at the cat in his lap currently trying to reach out with her paw towards his food with a soft sigh.] Yeah, that sounds about right.

[He nods quietly at the accusation.] Cats, dogs, and even snakes. Animals are easier to deal with than people.

The cat always ate the rat, some cats just figured out they could get a bowl of milk by eating the rats in the barn rather than the forests. No matter what, the cat always benefits more.

Huh. I suppose when you put it like that it makes sense.

[...] So, Kuroneko? Where's my rat? Then you can get some extra food. [Kuroneko yawns and starts kneading on his lap. And judging by the way Vash winces her claws are getting through his pants. Eventually she curls up to lay down on his lap for a nap.]

I take that as a no.

What sets people apart is exactly which animals make them happier. That's how you get useless arguments like whether cats or dogs are better.

[That's actually pretty cute. Mantis shakes his head.]

At least she likes you. A cat that hates people is even worse to deal with.

She's stolen my food and scratched me. How can you say she likes me?

She just kneaded your lap, didn't she? That usually means a cat trusts you.

What? Really? But she just poked me with her claws before laying down and it hurt. Claws don't usually mean love from what I understand.

You're expecting an animal to have a full breadth of knowledge regarding human pain tolerance. Set your standards a little lower.

But wouldn't a cat know claws in general would hurt?

With time and conditioning...maybe. Those claws are their main tool and weapon.

Ah-ha! Weapon! See! She knew she was attacking me! [He's just arguing for the sake of arguing at this point because he's annoyed, but knows he can't really blame the cat for being a cat.]

[It's very mature, Vash. Mantis is getting a hell of an impression from the ranting. And free entertainment!]

You'll never let it go. This kind of energy springs up for all kinds of little annoyances, doesn't it? I can only imagine what it looks like when you get serious.

What makes you think I'm not serious right now? [Because he's not at all. He's pretty scary when serious, but never deadly.

Well, except that one time, but he wasn't very scary then.]

I can give a short or a long list, but it starts with how angry you're getting at a cat.

[Mantis is used to being quite serious most of the time. This chance to relax and push a few buttons is very fun indeed.]

One might even suggest you're not as upset as you act.

Hey! The cat started it! I have every right to be angry at her! [He childishly disputes while gently petting said cat.]

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