driftfleet | [Semi-open] Stress finally takes its toll

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[Semi-open] Stress finally takes its toll

Who: Shiro and Ulaz, Shiro and you
Broadcast: No
Action: on Duotera (for Ulaz), the SS Blameless (open)
When: Throughout this week
Warnings for the Ulaz thread: Mentions of Shiro's year in captivity, possible mentions of torture, experimentation and losing his arm; Shiro having a panic attack with flashes of said memories.

1. Closed to Ulaz

[After a really, really shitty month, Shiro must admit it: Ulaz arriving has been a blessing for his mood. Part of him knows it's messed up that people are brought back from death, but it's not like he can do anything about Atroma's plans (yet, he hopes) and damn if he won't enjoy something nice actually happening to him for a change.

He already lost one "purple". Let him have the other.

They arrive to a nice system, too, which also helps, considering they're still waiting for the third dream to happen. One less thing to worry about. So the main issue in Shiro's mind now is... questions. So many of them. When Ulaz arrived, Shiro wanted to give the poor man time to settle down, so he kept himself in check. But he can't wait any longer.

So time to make a good use of the planets! Duoatera has a nice climate and beautiful hills, so Shiro invites Ulaz for a hike. With only nature (and Procyon of course) surrounding then, they can have a private and calm conversation while exploring. So here is Shiro now, near the hills area, dressed in a nice jacket and ready to go, dog sitting next to him like a good boy.

He smiles when he sees Ulaz approach.] Hey. I'm glad you came. Have you ever gone hiking before?

2. Open - SS Blameless

[Maybe you heard from Ulaz, or from Shiro's teammates, or his crew - or maybe you've just been wondering why Shiro hasn't been around much. But the story is only one: someone finally passed out from all the stress and is now stuck in bed. And hey, maybe you've also been wondering why that someone hasn't taken the captain's room when he's now the only captain of the ship.

Well, wonder no more! Because that's where he is now. You can thank the very tall and very strong purple alien for that.

They haven't moved his stuff yet, but Procyon (now quite bigger and with longer hair) is there with him, taking advantage of the bigger bed and taking care of his master at the same time. And Shiro does have his communicator and tablet, because resting isn't a word he knows of.

He's bored, alright.

So if you're visiting him, you'll find him going through documents on his tablet. Please stop him before stress starts going up again.

Or maybe you are just passing by for whatever reason, making your way through the Blameless' slippery hallways. Since the captain's room currently has the door open (you can also thank the alien for that), Shiro will see you walk by and take the chance to speak up.]

Excuse me, can I ask you for a favor, please? [He almost sounds... ashamed? To be asking this. He feels silly asking for little things he could be doing himself, okay.]

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W-why...

[He falls to his knees, trying to fight the panic attack he knows it's coming. But even in this state, he doesn't stop asking. Blurry images of Ulaz with a mask on his face come to mind and he wants to cling to them, bring them back properly. But he can't.]

W-why did you tell me that last time? What- [Deep breaths, Shiro, deep breaths.] --what did I do to make you...

[He can't even finish sentences anymore.]

[As Shiro fell to his knees, Ulaz - carefully - nudged Procyon further to the side so the dog wouldn't be right up against Shiro before dropping down as well to be able to support him. He was still significantly taller than Shiro, but he could make sure he was not a danger to himself]

Stop asking questions. This is not helping.

[Nope, not even answering that one. Shiro's already on shaky ground. More questions and answers won't help]

[Procyon isn't very happy about this, but he's a smart dog. He knows Ulaz can offer better help... Especially when Shiro mumbles a few more words before finally passing out right on top of Ulaz. Procyon comes closer again then, licks his master's face and then barks at Ulaz with obvious urgency - come on, man let's get going! Shiro needs a bed!]

[He wasn't really surprised at this point when Shiro collapsed on him, completely out cold. He frowned, attempting to shift Shiro so he could pick him since waiting out here in the wilderness wasn't an option. The task though was made a little harder by Procyon trying to check on his master. He was doing what loyal animals were supposed to do so Ulaz couldn't fault him.

When Procyon barked at him]

I know. I know.

[As if the dog could really understand him.

But he swept Shiro up into his arms, holding the smaller human against him, letting Shiro's head rest against his shoulder. With that he stood up, glancing back at Procyon]

Let's go.

[Not that he thought the dog would stray too far; Shiro was his master after all.

Then Ulaz headed back in the direction of the city, not quite walking - because this was important - but not running either since he didn't want to jostle Shiro too much but he also didn't want to go so fast that Procyon couldn't keep up. Shiro's dog had to get back to the ship as much as Shiro did.

It didn't take long to reach the city where they could go back the ships and he headed immediately to the Blameless, still making sure Procyon didn't get separated. But he didn't have any problems getting Shiro back to the Blameless; amazing how few problems a massive purple alien - the lab support on one of the ships - carrying the passed out captain of another ship had getting anywhere.

Once on the Blameless, Ulaz headed straight for the captain's quarters. He was not aware that Shiro didn't actually stay in the captain's quarters so it seemed like the perfectly logical place to go. He carried Shiro inside and helped settle him on the bed so he could rest for a bit. Now to find some water for when he was awake]

[But Ulaz, the thing is: Procyon does understand. He's a very smart dog! So he accepts Ulaz's reassuring words and follows him back to the ship, glancing at the sleeping form of his master ever now and then.

It takes a few hours for Shiro to wake up. It's not every day that his body gets to rest without the nightmares bothering him, so it's taking advantage on the situation. When he finally comes to his senses, he blinks a few times and turns his head from one side to the other over and over, trying to remember the hows and the whys.

Procyon has his head and front paws on Shiro's chest, okay, and sitting on a chair next to the bed is...]

Ulaz? What-? Where-?

[His moves a couple of times more and his eyes widen when recognition finally hits him. The room is empty, bare, but he recognizes it. How could he not? Even in this state, those special memories hit him hard.

Procyon falls back on the mattress when suddenly Shiro sits up, not very amused.]

What am I doing here? How--? [Frowning, he turns to Ulaz.] Did you bring me to this room?

[Sure, he argued with Ulaz and passed out, but this is what he concentrates on. #priorities]

[Ulaz had been waiting quietly with Shiro while he slept to make sure that he was alright. Water had been obtained as well as something for Shiro to eat that had some substance to help him regain his strength. In the meantime, he had been attempting to occupy himself rather than sit there and do nothing. Surprisingly, there wasn't much in this room. Curious.

Of course it may have looked like he was doing nothing. Periodically in his free time (shock and horror what is that?!) he had been thinking back on somethings, including his conversation with Keith when he had first arrived.

This was what he was doing when Shiro woke up]

Try to rest. You had a-

[He's interrupted as Shiro suddenly bolts upright. Ulaz instinctively reaches out to make sure Procyon is not going to be thrown off the bed when he did that. Luckily, the dog wasn't even without help.

The question gets an odd look from Ulaz. Really, that was what he was wondering about? Or maybe he was more confused than he thought]

This is the captain's room. You are the captain.

[Yeah, Ulaz didn't know Shiro didn't actually stay in this room]

[Shiro covers his face with both hands and groans as he falls back on the pillows. He shouldn't take it out on Ulaz, he didn't know. But still... it's been a pretty frustrating day.]

Yes, I'm the captain, but I haven't been using this room.

[A whining Procyon comes to his side again, nudging his way under Shiro's arms with his nose. He can't resist that, so he drops his hands on the dog's fur and smiles a little bit at him.]

I'm fine, buddy, don't worry. [The whining stops, but the dog eyes still look worried. Shiro turns his head to Ulaz, his hands still petting purple fur as he speaks.] What happened?

I see.

[Well, that explained some of the reaction. He had been surprised by the room he had awoken to find himself in - though Ulaz didn't know why yet. He went to get Shiro a glass of water, bringing it back over at Procyon nudged his way under Shiro's arm]

He was worried about you.

[He offered Shiro the glass of water]

I think you may have had a panic attack and collapsed. Procyon and I brought you back to the ship so you could rest comfortably.

Was he? [To the dog now.] You're a good boy.

[He takes some minutes to pet and ruffle the hell out of Procyon, whispering some loving words for his companion before his attention returns to Ulaz. The glass of water is accepted with a thank you, and he sips it while he listen to what his friend has to say.]

Yeah, I remember the beginning of the attack, and then... [He frowns. That's it, isn't it?] I passed out? Why? That has never happened before?

[Ulaz waited patiently for Shiro to give Procyon some attention. The dog had done very well trying to make sure Shiro was okay and then following him back to the ship so he wasn't going to object. Also he wasn't going to push Shiro - too much - when he was still recovering. It had been a few hours, but he had just awoken.

When Shiro finally gave him his attention again and took the water, Ulaz sat down on the bed next to him, making sure to leave enough room not to crowd him]

It could be for any number of reasons. Have been under a lot of stress recently? You were trying to talk to me about a stressful topic. [Shiro says he remember the beginning of the attack, but how much he actually remembers of his panicked attempts to get Ulaz to tell him more remains to be seen] It could have compounded with everything else and it just overwhelmed you.

[The captain's bed is bigger than the others, but Ulaz has his own Galra size to compete against it. So Shiro moves his body a little to give his friend room, dragging his puppy with him. Procyon is very comfortable on those boobs, thank you very much.

He sighs at the explanation, his human hand reaching up to rub his forehead. Procyon answer with some licking of his cheeks - don't feel bad, master!]

Stress. Are you serious? I've been through so many battles, getting the worst injuries... and it's stress that gets me?

[Translation: yes, Ulaz, he's been through lots of it.]

[Well, Ulaz had tried not to disturb Shiro too much. At least he didn't have to move over that far when Ulaz sat down, trying to sit closer to the edge of the bed. But yes, he was rather tall by comparison it was hard.

And Procyon didn't seem at all disturbed]

Stress builds. Perhaps it just hit a point where it came out in a non-productive way.

[Since passing out is not productive... mostly. Sleep was good, but a panic attack was not the way to get there]

I want you to rest for a few days. No training, no work. Just let your body recover. Or it will happen again sooner than you may like.

[Procyon isn't disturbed at all! He's comfortable on Shiro's chest... that is, until Shiro suddenly sits up, not liking what he's hearing. Ulaz can't be serious, can he? He has things to do.

Besides-] I'm fine! I don't need to stay in bed for days being non-productive!

[Yep, using Ulaz's very same words on purpose.]

[What is with Shiro and forgetting that poor dog is there? Ulaz again reaches out to make sure Procyon is okay - quick reflexes - before he turns back to Shiro, a stern look on his face]

You are not fine. You collapsed not that long ago. You need to let yourself recover or we will be having this talk again. Bed rest may be non-productive for your work, but it will let you heal.

Spend the time doing something to focus on something less stressful.

[Ulaz is not letting you off easy, Shiro]

[Ulaz keeps shocking him, that's what! Usually he isn't this distracted! This is ridiculous! An outrage! We demand a second opinion!

Shiro is frowning pretty hard, and his hands go to his hips ~~like the mom he is~~, looking absolutely furious and pretty much offended, let's be honest here.]

Alright, so I collapsed, I can sleep it off today. I don't need to be bed-ridden for more than that! You're exaggerating.

[It shouldn't really be that shocking. It just so happens to be words that Shiro doesn't want to hear. But unfortunately for Shiro, he's hit the immovable wall that is a determined Galra. His team might appreciate that Ulaz is willing to go up against Shiro's stubborn.

As Shiro puts his hands on his hips, Ulaz just sighs, completely unimpressed by the action. It was definitely a reaction of someone not intimidated by that. He did reach out to give Procyon a few pets because he's being a good dog with his master being stubborn]

You had a panic attack and blacked out. That's a sign you need to reduce stress and give yourself a chance to recover. The quickest way is to spend a few days not working. It's not a permanent situation. It's just for a few days. It's not like I'm making you sleep the entire time.

[Wow he made Ulaz sigh, where is his achievement trophy.]

The panic attacks are not new.

[He expresses with more willingness than he usually would. It's not something he likes to admit or talk about. But this is Ulaz, who knows all his shit anyway (and doesn't want to tell him, tsk tsk), and it's not like the current ~~argument~~ doesn't already bring it up anyway.]

Don't you dare make me sleep the entire time. No drugs or anything similar, understood? I'm not sick.

Or weak. [He adds that last part quite offended - he doesn't like being treated like he's made of glass.]

[Ulaz will be sure to get him a trophy for that... or a picture of one]

I am not surprised that they aren't new. But you should take them for the warning that they are.

[He already said he wasn't going to make Shiro sleep the whole time, but oh well?]

Only if you ask for something to help you sleep. Otherwise, nothing of the sort. No, this does not mean that you are sick or weak. It is to help your body recover from a stressful event. Not giving yourself time to recover will keep wearing you down.

[Oh great, so his panic attacks are a warning now? As if they didn't make him feel broken enough. But then Ulaz keeps talking and... well, at least he does say he isn't sick or weak, but it's hard not to feel that way when he passes out just over an argument and he's being bed-ridden.

A sigh as he looks down at his lap, which suddenly finds itself full of dog head. Shiro buries his fingers in Procyon's fur - this is going to be a long week, isn't it.]

They aren't a warning - it's PTSD. I'm not dumb, alright, I recognize it. [He doesn't need a doctor to know what his mind is going through.] It's always been in my head, though. My body - it's always been able to carry on. To keep on fighting. It can't get this bad, Ulaz. I can't let it.

[The frustration is obvious in his voice, in the pain in his eyes. The Galra have already taken so much from him, what else is coming?]

[Ulaz is quiet as Shiro spoke. He could hear the frustration in his voice, see it in his eyes. It hurt him; that much was obvious. Probably more than Shiro knew, Ulaz wished there was a way to simply take that away. However, there wasn't]

I never believed you were dumb for feeling what you are feeling. You have been through a lot. Sometimes one can fight on for a while, but eventually it may not be as easy. Try bed rest for a few days, see if it helps. Paying closer attention to how you are feeling may prevent it from happening again. So you don't have to do this again.

[It was never easy, he wants to say, it only gets worse. But it's not something he wants to admit. First, because he doesn't liking admitting to what he sees as weakness. And second... because it'd only prove Ulaz's point. Again.

After a long pause and what may be ALMOST sulking but it totally isn't, thank you, he finally nods.]

Fine, I'll bed rest for a few days. In the captain room, I guess. Happy now?

[Yes, don't say that. He's already saying he knows Shiro has problems. But he doesn't see it as the weakness that Shiro seems to think it is.

Oh of course Shiro's not sulking. That's why he ends the thought like that. Also Ulaz is unmoved by not sulking Shiro]

I am. You can do other things except work, but you need to rest. After a few days we'll see how you're feeling.

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[Semi-open] Stress finally takes its toll

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