Video

[onlyanapple]

Who: Crowley and you!
Broadcast: Fleetwide
Action: Philias
When: 18th

[The feed opens to Crowley lounging (still in his full suit and tie, he's not an animal) on a deck chair in Philias. From the looks of it, he's in one of the decidedly hotter parts of it, but he doesn't seem to be affected by the heat at all- neither does his communicator, nor the pitcher of margarita he's drinking from. You could almost be forgiven that he's lounging around on a nice, summer's day and not in something approaching the temperatures of the center of the Earth.]

Now this is what I call a much more pleasant planet. More of these, less of the snow, please and thank you, Atroma. I'll even offer you guys a bribe, you know, to keep up the entertainment levels. [He flashes the camera a sharp-toothed smile.] There's a new game for you on the network, people, enjoy it and hopefully it'll buy me a couple more planets like this.

[True to his word, there's a file on the network entitled 'Simple Little Game' - within it is something reminiscent of a certain rage game. In it, a player controls a Nunnilis, sitting in a fish bowl with only a pick-axe with which to drag themselves up an increasingly difficult mountain. The controls are ridiculously difficult- too sensitive one moment, not sensitive enough the next. It's designed to be difficult, rage inducing and addictive. To make things worse, Crowley has added his own commentary to it- offering insincere words of encouragement, or the occasional quote about failure- usually when the player needs to concentrate the most.]

There's a prize for anyone who finishes it.

[If someone finishes it, their prize is literally this gif. Congrats. You won :)]

Comments

text.

[astrobleme]

Is this some kind of sick joke?

[In other words, Shinji isn't so much a fan of the game's difficulty.]

text.

[onlyanapple]

Of course not. It's a fun game.

Are you not having fun? :)

[astrobleme]

Uh

What's fun about losing your progress over and over again?

[onlyanapple]

Well, if you were better at the game, you wouldn't lose progress and have more fun, wouldn't you?

Video

[dandyofawolf]

[Someone looks decidedly unimpressed.]

And what entertainment levels will you find should there be those who do not wish to participate in your game? For the sake of curiosity, of course.

Video

[onlyanapple]

I have plenty of other games to play, if this one isn't your speed.

[Oh hey look, a link appears. As promised, it's full of games. They're all a trap. ]

Video

[dandyofawolf]

[Still not impressed.]

Conversation typically is "more my speed" if I am to be honest.

[But he also comes from a time without video games so he just doesn't have what it takes to appreciate them.]

Video

[onlyanapple]

Oh, well I charge extra for that kind of thing. Got to make a living somehow.

text

[sylphid]

is a ten minute finish time a good one?

text

[onlyanapple]

Consider me impressed. You should tell everyone that is the bar to try and beat.

EVERYONE. :)

text 1/2

[sylphid]

okay i guess

text

[sylphid]

hey crowley you should try and beat a ten minute finish time

it's the bar to beat or whatever

text

[onlyanapple]

When I say everyone, I mean not me. I don't play my own games, Fie, come on. That's a rookie mistake.

[deviances]

dear fucking goddess i'm torn between laughing my ass off and being ready to throw my device out of the damn ship

[onlyanapple]

That's exactly the mood I was aiming for. My work here is done.

[deviances]

how do you come up with this shit man?

[onlyanapple]

Mostly? Knowing exactly how humanity ticks and being able to manipulate that to my own means.

That and the internet.

[stormfist]

[ It's a shame you're not on the Goldstone right now, at your comms station - you'd get to hear the occasional muttering of "Fuck," from the pilot's chair. Oh well she'll just text you her displeasure instead. ]

leave it to you to be an asshole voiceover

[onlyanapple]

[He is genuinely sad to have missed that. Not sad enough to leave the warm planet, of course, but still. ]

I felt you could all use some encouragement as you played.

[stormfist]

[ there will be other times - she's too stubborn not to come back to this game, honestly ]

at the worst damn moments of course

[onlyanapple]

[Then he will popcorn it with great glee. ]

Would you have expected anything less of me? Honestly, I'd of been disappointed if you did.

[wolfehawke]

i hate you

[onlyanapple]

No you don't. You adore me :)

[wolfehawke]

no really you're the worst >:(

thats an angry face
note the eyebrows

[onlyanapple]

I think they look like horns.

Like a frustrated goat.