Out of the Bone Orchard

[ultima_mortis]

Who: Death and Everyone Else
Broadcast: Of course!
Action: SS Caprine
When: Today

Action – SS Caprine (Bridge)

He is the first to arrive and the last to leave. Of all the temporary things in life, he is the one that lives the longest, so to speak; longer than plants, people, and the stars themselves. Death is a force of pure energy that is needed wherever there is life, no matter how small. Naturally, he feels quite out of sorts on a spaceship. This is not his beautiful manor nor is it his beautiful planet. Nay, the SS Caprine is the very opposite of one.

It’s the starts that bother him most, really. They’re not at all familiar from anything he’s seen in the past, nor do they look like anything he had seen coming up on the horizon. For a being that’s used to knowing precisely who, what, and where he is, it’s awful. So much vastness in the universe and now he’s lost in the thick of it.

So he sighs. The sound is like dried leaves scattering through a graveyard, the final breath of a whole world, the very essence of finality in the softest tones. The pudding in his hand is pushed around with the spoon.

I DO HOPE SHE WILL FORGIVE ME…

Broadcast

There’s a sudden burst of noise as the feed partially turns on. Still quite dark, but the deep tombstone voice is distinct as it mutters away.

OH! I THINK IT TURNED ON. ODD. SHOULDN’T I BE ABLE TO-

And the broadcast is completed at last, with deep dark pits marked by two bright blue pinpricks of light look into the camera. The pits are a part of a skeleton’s face, permanent grimace and all. Death makes a thoughtful noise.

SO IF THIS ONE TURNS THE VIDEO ON, IF I PRESS IT AGAIN-

Darkness once more, but now the reaper may yet speak with confidence! He turns the feed right back on and nods.

YES, I THINK I HAVE IT NOW. IT LETS YOU TRANSMIT BOTH IMAGE AND SOUND. HOW INTERESTING. THE WIZARDS WOULD HAVE QUITE THE TIME TRYING TO PIECE TOGETHER HOW THIS DEVICE FUNCTIONS. AND IF THIS WORKS THE WAY IT APPEARS TO, I WOULD LIKE TO SAY HELLO AND MAKE AN INQUIRY OF ANYONE WHO CAN SEE THIS. WHERE EXACTLY AM I, AND IF POSSIBLE, WHEN AM I?

Comments

[straightouttacarbonite]

There's a few others. They'll show up eventually.

[ They're a crew, technically, but they're not the tight-knit functional kind of crew. At least not yet. Han's not helping; years of a crew of two means he's a little standoffish in a new group. ]

And there are other ships in the fleet. I think we're one of the smallest.

[ultima_mortis]

OH, GOOD. I MEET A LOT OF PEOPLE ON THE DISC, BUT I NEVER FORGET A FACE OR THE NAME THAT WENT WITH IT.

[Death makes a gentle pace to one of the chairs to sit.]

I DON'T BELIEVE I'VE CAUGHT YOURS. I AM... [There's a notable pause.] WELL, AT ONE POINT I CALLED MYSELF BILL DOOR.

[straightouttacarbonite]

Han Solo.

[ at least Bill Door is reasonably pronounceable? Honestly it's not all that strange by his standards, but really, Han has a whole galaxy full of cultures to fall back on. ]

So for the record, I've never heard of Quirm and you've probably never heard of Corellia. Or Yavin or Coruscant or Tatooine or any other planet I know.

[ Though still skeptical he's adjusted to the idea at least enough to talk about it casually over a cup of pudding, which yeah, he's not going to turn down. ]

[ultima_mortis]

A PLEASURE, MR. SOLO.

[He keeps pushing around the pudding, not yet decided if he wants to eat it or not. There's no point in actually eating it, but he ought to at least look like he's trying.]

NEVER HEARD OF ANY OF THEM, I'M AFRAID. MY WORK KEEPS ME ROOTED TO MY PLANET INDEFINITELY, ALTHOUGH THERE IS MUCH TO SEE ON MY WORLD.

[straightouttacarbonite]

[ Fortunately, Han's not paying too much attention to anything but his own synthetically-chocolatey treat. ]

A lot of people here say things like that. They don't even have ships, some places.

[ultima_mortis]

OUR SHIPS SAIL ACROSS OCEANS. IT WOULD BE QUITE INTERESTING TO SEE A SHIP THAT CAN FLY LIKE THIS DOES.

[straightouttacarbonite]

Space travel's pretty normal where I'm from. I'm not sure how I feel about boats, personally.

[ultima_mortis]

IS IT, REALLY? HOW FASCINATING. IS THAT HOW YOU MANAGED TO GET TO SO MANY DIFFERENT PLANETS?

[straightouttacarbonite]

Well, yeah. I'm not sure how else you would.

[ultima_mortis]

I SUPPOSE PERSPECTIVE COMES INTO PLAY HERE. I AM FAR MORE FAMILIAR WITH A NAVAL SHIPWRECK THAN A... [His voice fades off as he considers what word to use.] CELESTIAL WRECK, PERHAPS?

[straightouttacarbonite]

[ It's okay, he's just an enormously tall skeletal-looking alien with a morbid bent. This is fine and normal. ]

I guess. It's an awful pretty name for a pretty awful thing.

[ultima_mortis]

[Death may well be the very essence of morbidity.]

THAT WAS AN EXCELLENT PUNE. [He nods.] I CAN ONLY IMAGINE HOW DEVASTATING IT MUST BE.

[straightouttacarbonite]

[ It is a rare person who can out-morbid Han, in his experience. Usually he's the one being aggressively pessimistic... even if only to be contrary. ]

Yeah, well, so far I've been good enough to avoid it.

[ultima_mortis]

[With Death, it's quite passive, but he has gone out of his way to play it up in the past for the sake of propriety.]

AS I CAN SEE. I HOPE YOU CAN LIVE A WHILE LONGER. [He looks up properly at Han.] ARE YOU A PILOT? IT OCCURRED TO ME PRECISELY WHAT YOU HAD SAID.

[straightouttacarbonite]

[ A little weird, but it's a nice sentiment. ]

Yeah, I'm a pilot. Of this ship now, I guess.

[ultima_mortis]

[Death sets the pudding aside at last, having decided that it might be best to simply let the matter of food be for the moment.]

THIS SHIP IS IN GOOD HANDS, THEN, HAVING A PROPER PILOT AT IT'S HELM. MAY I ASK HOW SHIPS SUCH AS THIS ARE PILOTED? THIS IS CLEARLY SOME KIND OF ROOM DESIGNATED TO A GREAT DEAL OF CONTROL, BUT THAT IS ABOUT HOW MUCH I CAN GUESS AT.

[straightouttacarbonite]

It's kind of a lot to explain.

[ Han, too, sets down... an empty cup. ]

Do they have speeders where you're from? Anything you know how to drive?

[ultima_mortis]

I RIDE MY HORSE, MAINLY, BUT I SUPPOSE I COULD HANDLE A CARRIAGE OR A WHOLE SAILING SHIP IF THE SITUATION CALLED FOR IT. IT STANDS TO REASON THAT THERE WOULD BE SOME WAY TO CONTROL DIRECTION AND SPEED, BUT THERE SEEMS TO BE FAR MORE THAN MERELY THAT HERE.

[straightouttacarbonite]

Well that's the main part. And... engines, shields, weapons, managing power... It might take you a while to pick it up.

[ Maybe mainly because this dude seems pretty... well, it's kind of rude to call people's homeworld's backwards, isn't it? Still. ]

[ultima_mortis]

OH DEAR...

[Very technologically backwards compared to Han Solo and his time. Why, they still use crossbows and cannons to fight people!]

THAT WOULD TAKE QUITE A BIT OF TIME TO WORK OUT. I'M QUITE IMPRESSED YOU HAVE MADE A CAREER OUT OF IT.

[straightouttacarbonite]

Yeah, it's pretty good.

[ Aside from near-constant debt, bounties on his head, the recent bout of attempting to overthrow the Galactic Empire, and the tendency he has to end up not getting paid in spite of everything... Oh, well. ]

What do you do?

[ultima_mortis]

[It takes many types to make the universe truly diverse and special. Have faith, Mr. Solo!]

I AM...A MORTICIAN OF SORTS. INSTEAD OF GUIDING THE BODY, I GUIDE THE SOUL.

[straightouttacarbonite]

[ THAT'S HIS LEAST FAVORITE THING TO DO. Everyone's got some magic nonsense these days. He sort of partially tries to hide his Very Obvious Skepticism. ]

Religious stuff, huh?

[ Soooooooooooooo not his scene ]

[ultima_mortis]

[Faith is what guides people in life, even if they only have the slightest sliver of it. Solo has some. Somewhere. Deep, deep, down.]

NOT REALLY RELIGIOUS. I TAKE PEOPLE TO WHERE RELIGION TAKES OVER IN THE FINAL STAGE OF LIFE. A FERRYMAN, IF YOU WILL.

[straightouttacarbonite]

Oh.

[ Did anyone ever tell you you're kind of creepy, Mr. Door? ]

Well I'm not sure there'll be, uh, much of that to do here.