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Who: Anders ~~and the empty room~~, anyone else
Broadcast: Yes
Action: SS Tourist, if desired
When: Day after the shuffle

[It had hardly taken long to piece it together. He woke up alone, without the warmth of another person nearby. Opening his eyes revealed that the room was back to the size it had been before they'd merged their quarters and the bed really only had enough room for him and the three sleeping snow kittens.

It didn't matter that all of Wolfe's things were still littered around the room, what mattered was the absence of the man himself. He rarely left in the morning without telling Anders something.

He didn't even bother checking to see if he could send a message to Hawke once Anders spotted the ring he had offered Hawke nearly two weeks ago.

It took him a moment to gather himself, but, quietly, he did and checked the communicator just to make sure. How silly of him to even feel surprised or expect anything different.]

To those that knew him, Adalwolfe Hawke is no longer on the fleet.

It appears the same is true of Marian Hawke.

If anyone has any business left unsettled with either of them, please feel free to let me know and I will do my best to help.

[It hadn't taken long to find both missing when he tried to send a message to 'Hawke' and found no Hawkes listed in the fleet. He'd quickly followed up with checking some of the others as well, but it seemed most of everyone was still around. Mostly. Everyone from Kirkwall was gone except him.

He hesitated before adding:]

Fenris is gone as well.

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[Maker, he knew there would be a parade of 'I'm Sorrys' and 'It'll be okays' and all sorts, possibly even a visit from a friend or two, but faced with it all he elt was a rush of anxiety. He was as okay as he could expect, but would it get worse if someone else showed up? He felt like he was walking a careful balance.

But this was Riona and since when had he ever been able to say no to her? She was likely one of the few who could even make him feel better asbout any of it.]

In our room.

My room.

The Tourist.

[It's a heartbreaking distinction to have to make, 'our' room to 'my' room. She hates this. She hates that there's so little that can be done, except to try and comfort and bear it over the coming weeks and months.]

i'll be there soon

[Belatedly she realizes she didn't even ask him if he wanted company, which is a bit rude. But she also knows Anders hides what he's feeling and tries to put on a brave face, just as much if not more so than her. And this needs to be handled in person.

With a quick message to Alistair about what happened and where she's going, Riona grabs some wine bottles, stuffs them into a big bag, and takes off for the Tourist.

After flying at a speed considered likely unsafe by most, she arrives a short time later. She remembers where their - his - room is and walks up to the door. There's a moment where she leans her head against the frame, steeling herself. Breathe in. Breathe out. She can do this. She has to.

Finally, she knocks.]

Anders?

[By the time she gets there, he still hasn't decided if he was up for people or not, but when she knocks he all at once decides Riona isn't 'people' there was no way her presence could weigh on him.

When he speaks, his tone is passive, maybe even a little defeated.]

Come in, it's unlocked. Fair warning, there are kittens in here.

[Ready or not, as son as Riona has that door open enough to be seen, three snow leopard kittens dart for her to start rubbing against her legs.]

[What a warning. Riona pops open the door, and sure enough, there they are. She smiles down at them, reaching to give them a few head scratches before gingerly stepping over and around them to make her way to Anders.]

I am surprised there's not more.

[Light teasing, but she knows it'll do little to lift his spirits. Nothing will, and that's the sucky part. She takes a seat next to him, setting the bag of wine on the floor.

Riona's a woman of words and action. She likes words, but sometimes, they're not enough. Like now, where instead of saying anything more, she just pulls Anders into a hug.]

[Anders let himself lean into the hug and hug her back. He wasn't the only one feeling the loss, he knew, Riona had been friends with all of them as well, just because she wasn't kissing any of them didn't mean her upset was any less.

From where his face was buried in her shoulder, Anders spoke up.]

Wolfe told me I could only have three. Maybe I'll get three more just to spite him now.

[It was horrifically childish, but he was seriously considering it. Right now, he just wanted to be childish. He pulled back, but stayed close to her as he reached for the wine.]

Thanks for the offering, Crowley's already got some drinks lined up for me. And some of those paper umbrellas.

[He loved those stupid things. Wolfe had even brought them home on occasion just because Anders liked collecting them and now the kittens liked using them as toys.]

[There's a huff of laughter, a little strained but still present. Sometimes those are the very things they need to cling onto, to get them through all this.]

I think that sounds like a great idea. Sometimes we must take refuge in the little, petty things.

[As they part, she glances down at the wine and raises a brow.]

The intention was to drink most of these tonight, if I'm being completely honest.

[He shrugs.]

I wasn't saying no, merely that I seem to have plenty of drinking options. I appreciate them, believe me.

[He picks up one of the bottles and sets to opening it.][As he finally works the bottle open, takes a drink and passes it back over to Riona, he finally broaches the subject he knew she was here for. Why not? It wasn't going away. Plus, there was something more he needed to talk about and she was the best person for it.]

Do you remember what holiday is coming up? The beginning of Bloomingtide.

[She lets the subject go with a nod, having come to an understanding. When it's her turn with the bottle, she takes a long hard swig from it as well. Even before he brings up Bloomingtide, she knew she was going to need it.]

Well, it'd be Summerday back home, right?

[Why make mention of it? It's not near any of their birthdays so far as she can remember. The holiday itself just celebrates the start of summer. Coming of age processions, festivals, and of course the usual slew of-

...

Oh.]

Oh, no. Were you going to...?

[His smile was bitter and aimed to the floor, but he holds up his left hand for her to see the ring he was still wearing. One that matched another still resting on the bedside table on top of Malcolm's journal.]

I figured it was an appropriate time and maybe we'd get lucky and get to a planet without cannibals in time to hold some sort of ceremony, if we wanted.

I suppose I should have known something would go wrong.

[A flood of emotions washes over Riona as he shows her the ring: guilt, heartache, grief, anger. The latter's aimed at Atroma, for doing this. The timing is far too perfect for it to be a coincidence. Damn them. But damn herself, too.]

I'm so sorry, Anders. I should never have pushed you to do it. [She pulls him into another hug, as fierce as any. Logically she knows it's not entirely her fault. He wouldn't have done it if he didn't want to. But she pushed the issue. If she hadn't, maybe he would have waited and then he wouldn't have been put in this position.] I'm so, so sorry.

[Naturally, the tears come. Riona's a crier. But she tries to muffle it; this is Anders's pain, not hers.]

[Anders hugs her back, nearly clinging for how desperately he feels like he needs her to hold him right now. It was something he could almost pretend was fine when he was in his own head, but seeing and hearing her upset for him peeled back that careful layer of numb.

It was all he'd wanted, he been the one who'd wanted to get married, Hawke had always said it didn't matter to him one way or the other, he'd made his choice. But it had been Anders who had pushed it off for too long. As much as it was Atroma's fault for taking Hawke away, it was his own fault for not making the move when he should have.]

I should have pushed me, I don't blame you, love, I waited too long. Six years too long. I'm just...

[He reached up and pet her hair as he worked through his thoughts.] I'm glad you did push me. You should have seen his face...[Now he's the one who nearly gets choked up, just thinking of the way Hawke lit up as though Anders held the sun in his hand and it was the most glorious thing Hawke had seen. Maker, that ridiculous man had always seen things backwards from how they were.] He was so happy that I finally did something...I'm glad I could tell him what needed to be said before Atroma decided to take him anyway.

[It's not fair. It just isn't fair at all and she hates that there's nothing to be done about it. No recourse, no call to action, no ability to make Atroma pay for it. All she has are tears and sorrow, and the awful reminder that they're being watched for entertainment. But she's not about to remind him of that, if he doesn't remember it already.]

I'm glad you had that moment, even though it kills me you didn't get what should have followed. [One final moment of happiness before he went away. They will at least see each other back home, but who knows if Anders will make the same decision to marry him there? And even if he did, what were the chances that she would ever get to see the wedding?] I would have so loved to have been there for the wedding.

I wouldn't have wished it another way.

[Riona was his family, the closest thing he could claim to it and in some cases better than the one in his past. She reminded him of his mother sometimes, her stern focus tempered by strong kindness and tender affection. Had he ever had a sister, she would have been Riona Cousland.]

You know...I'll send every raven in every direction if it came to it, right? If Adalwolfe and I were to marry back home, I don't know that I would want to go through with it without you there. [A pause.] And maybe the others. Nate, Sigrun. Velenna, I suppose. Not...Oghren. Though he'd probably show up anyway. And drink everything.

[He pulled back to pet her hair from her face and used his sleeve to dry what tears had escaped. He preferred this, having someone to look after instead of turning inward with his thoughts. He hated to see her cry, but for an awful moment, he was nearly grateful for it.]

But you're nearly as important to have there as the groom himself, I'll go to Leliana if I have to just to tell you when to be at my wedding. Okay?

[The offer's sweet, and she appreciates it immensely. She so badly wants to be there, but her fear is that she won't be around anymore by the time they do decide to get married. Maker only knows how long before the taint catches up to her. It's always in the back of her mind when she thinks of things back home, the cursed thing that threatens to ruin everything.]

I've been traveling with the others, looking for a cure. But Leliana's been in contact with me, so if you go through her - as risky as it might be - she'll pass it along. And I'll do everything I can to be there. The others, too. [She huffs out a laugh.] I managed to get Oghren to stay sober during my ceremony. It's possible. No promises for anything that comes afterwards, but he can behave from time to time. He's... actually gotten a fair bit better about drinking the past several years. Hardly sober, but he's been less drunk. Progress, I suppose.

[She wishes she was with him back home, but in the world where he's with Wolfe, she can't pull him away from his groom. At least she'd get to see him, even if it could very well be for the last time.

Her smile tightens.]

You're a miracle worker, truly. [The deadpan of his tone is only slightly affected by the edge of humor tracing it. But he knows her face and the tells it has and he reaches for her hand to give it a squeeze.]

Something's bothering you. [Not a question, but a statement. The only question was if she'd share with him.]

I do try.

[She should know better by now than to try and hide anything from Anders. She looks down at the floor, considering her next move. Lie? It might work, but unlikely. Besides, given what the truth was, it made little sense to hide it from him. He would understand. ]

It's... I just hope I live long enough to see the wedding. As much as I wish I could be certain of it, I can't.

[He looked worried and even a touch frightened, before he quickly recovered with sharp realization.]

The taint.

I would hope you would, we've technically had it nearly the same amount of time, a few months hardly makes a difference. Surely you've still a few years, right? Unless there's something you haven't told me.

[He almost expects to see the black veins and cataracts of the poison overcoming her even as they speak, but he bites back his imagination. She's cured of it, here, at least. He's the one still on borrowed time.

["Unless there's something you haven't told me." She almost laughs at it. How right he is.]

You and the others from Amaranthine have another two decades, give or take. So long as you hold strong. But me... Wardens who undergo the Joining during the Blight - or maybe it's just whichever ones are Wardens during a Blight, I'm not sure - don't live quite as long. [She swallows thickly. Her voice grows quiet here.] Ten years, for most. Or so I've heard. [She's had it for nearly eleven now.]

You...[For already being pale, it was remarkable how much color he could still lose.]

What?

[He moves towards her, torn between fear and anger.]

Riona it's been ten years!

[Before he actually gets to her, he stops and swipes a hand through his hair.]

Do any of the others know? Why didn't you say anything?

I know.

[She's painfully, horribly aware of this. Back home, she's running on borrowed time, willpower and hope. How long these things will carry her, she couldn't say.]

They know now. Back then... well, ten years still seemed like a lot of time. But it isn't, and they sped by. In the back of my mind, I always knew it would come down to this. Originally I was going to look for a cure on my own, but the others caught wind and insisted on coming with. I didn't want to drag anyone down, or potentially - likely - make them witness what will happen when the Calling comes for me, but that was an argument I wound up losing. As selfish as it is, I'm glad they're with me now.

[He's panicked, and this is what she wanted to avoid. There's nothing to be done about it here, so why worry him?]

[The edge of panic in his voice drops, but the fear stays and mixes with incredulity.]

Andraste's Ass, Riona Cousland. Are you daft? Every single one of us would walk into the Void itself if you were going there, whether you asked it of us or not. It would hurt, to search for a cure, only to watch you die of the taint anyway, I won't lie, but it would be worse knowing you'd gone off alone and even thinking maybe we could have helped you. [He sighs, more emotion in that one action than he felt comfortable displaying right now. Today's been such a wreck, he wouldn't be surprised if he was caught between tired and hysterical.]

You can't drag us down, you're the one that pulled us back up out of our sorry muck in the first place.

[Riona scrubs her hands over her face. Maker why did she have to open her mouth? Why could he read her so well?]

That doesn't mean I want to ask you to do that! I've put you all through enough in the months we were together. [Sure, she pulled them out of shitty situations, but that doesn't mean she had the right to drag them through hell and back again.] You all have your own hopes and goals, too.

[She sighs a little, bringing a hand to his cheek.] I appreciate it, Anders, I really do. But I've asked a lot out of all of you. And you've been through enough today. I didn't mean to dump more on you.

You say 'ask us' as though it's some great burden when it's not. Our hopes and goals changed, Riona. You made us look to new and better ones. You gave us the chance to have any.

[His hand came up to cover hers. His smile calm but a touch sad.] Think, love, where would we be if you hadn't found us? Dead, alone, face down in a gutter, lost...broken. You gave us everything and we wouldn't give anything less in return.

And for the love of Andraste, I welcome thinking about you and your silly misconception about how much we all love you than thinking about anything else today.

You're incorrigible, you know that? [Said with the utmost fondest exasperation. She knows she won't win this little debate. She hadn't won the one she waged with the others when she first announced she was leaving to the find the cure. It had just been to let them know, but by the end of it she found herself accompanied by her companions. Stubborn asses, the lot of them.] I love all of you dearly, and as selfish as it is, I'm glad I'm not alone. I just... this may mean watching me die. Loyal or not, that's a great deal to ask of your friends. It'd also mean that someone would... [Her breath hitches a little.] Someone would have to tell Alistair, too.

It's one of my charms.

[But he knows what she means..about all of it. Her breath hitches a little and his arm around her tightens just a bit.]

It won't turn out that way, I'm positive.

But, if it did, rest assured Nate would take care of it for you. [Gonna casually volunteer Nathaniel for 'bad news' duty, but he was the best equipped between being able to school his emotions a bit better and still have social graces, unlike...basically anyone else in their group.]

I do know what you mean, about asking your friends to watch you die...but is that not what we're doing to the men who love us too?

[Alistair had signed up for it himself, at least, though he doubted that commitment came with the thought 'and then I'll meet the love of my life and she can live a short life along with me! But it was still a risk and factor when he and Riona had gotten together. Maybe even, in part, a motivating factor; it wasn't like he was going to ask.]

You should have seen Hawke's face when he found out about the Calling. Or, really, it's probably best you didn't.

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bryces_pup - 2018-07-29 01:38 (UTC) - Expand

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