driftfleet | [Open] Text

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Who: Anders ~~and the empty room~~, anyone else
Broadcast: Yes
Action: SS Tourist, if desired
When: Day after the shuffle

[It had hardly taken long to piece it together. He woke up alone, without the warmth of another person nearby. Opening his eyes revealed that the room was back to the size it had been before they'd merged their quarters and the bed really only had enough room for him and the three sleeping snow kittens.

It didn't matter that all of Wolfe's things were still littered around the room, what mattered was the absence of the man himself. He rarely left in the morning without telling Anders something.

He didn't even bother checking to see if he could send a message to Hawke once Anders spotted the ring he had offered Hawke nearly two weeks ago.

It took him a moment to gather himself, but, quietly, he did and checked the communicator just to make sure. How silly of him to even feel surprised or expect anything different.]

To those that knew him, Adalwolfe Hawke is no longer on the fleet.

It appears the same is true of Marian Hawke.

If anyone has any business left unsettled with either of them, please feel free to let me know and I will do my best to help.

[It hadn't taken long to find both missing when he tried to send a message to 'Hawke' and found no Hawkes listed in the fleet. He'd quickly followed up with checking some of the others as well, but it seemed most of everyone was still around. Mostly. Everyone from Kirkwall was gone except him.

He hesitated before adding:]

Fenris is gone as well.

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[He responds quickly enough, as though maybe he were waiting to hear back from her.]

Yes.

The dor is unlocked.

[And, whenever she gets there, she'll find him leaned up against the wall, sitting on the floor, all of Wolfe's left behind stuff still where it had been left and three snow leopards curled up and asleep on the bed.]

[She actually uses the door like one of those silly solid people. No need to surprise him right now. She gives the door a light knock of warning before pushing it open and slipping inside, closing it behind her again.

Under any other situation she'd probably need to coo at the the snow leopards first, but as it is she walks over to him and slides down the wall to sit beside him.]

Hey you.

[It only occurs to him how silly it is to mention the door's unlocked after he's said it, so he doesn't bother taking it back. And then she actually uses it and he feels like maybe he should hold a small celebration.]

Hey. [He gives her a tired smile.] Look at you, using doors...are you feeling well?

[It just shows how special he is. He shouldn't get used to this door usage nonsense in the future!]

I've come down with a rare virus that makes door knobs irresistible to me. I should be better soon. [She shifts a bit to lean her body lightly against his for a moment—arms pressing together.]

It might be contagious but you probably won't notice a difference.

Huh. I'd cure you of it, but I'm afraid it's too fascinating, you'll have to manage.

[Despite the gentle teasing, he leans back, just a bit, enough to know she's there and gain some measure of comfort from having someone he cares about nearby.]

Thank you for coming.

I understand and accept your terms.

[She's glad when he returns the lean.]

Of course. I didn't want to be alone when it happened for me. I also did because I'm confusingly complicated, but I'm glad I wasn't.

I understand that as well. Alone is usually how I prefer to handle these things...but it seemed...I don't know, silly. He isn't dead, nor gone forever, it seems selfish either way.

[He stares across the room, her weight as much a comfort as it is a reminder.]

And yet there are people like you who likely haven't seen home or some people from it in years. And, if I'm more honest than I like to be, that scares me as well.

[She listens to him and where he is with things.] It's okay to be upset no matter what the circumstances are. [It could be a long time before he ever sees him again. It could be never if they aren't really sent home and just roaming from place like this to place like this. Of course that doesn't seem like the most uplifting note so she manages to keep it to herself.]

Mmm...what part scares you? That you might not see him for years?

In part. I-

[He cuts himself off and leans a bit more against her. Maker, he felt exposed and raw, but with Kitty, it almost felt okay. Without realizing it, she'd worked her way into the same places he held those he most cared for; Riona, Justice, Hermione. Friends he felt he could put down the mask. Maker save them all, she deserved better and he couldn't bare the thought of her vanishing like so many just had.]

I don't do well alone. It's pathetic for a grown man to admit, but there's too much lurking in the background to be left alone for long. Before, I'd fill the silence with prattle and bad jokes and worse flirtations. I don't know how to do that anymore. With Wolfe, I stopped needing to. And now he's gone. How many weeks, months, years, if I'm lucky, can I go before I cave out of desperation and find someone else? [He made a disgusted noise.] I'm really good at moving on when I need to.

[Who he leaves behind is always there: Karl had always been a shadow in his mind even as he was happily and hopelessly in love with Hawke, when would Hawke join him? It had taken three years to move on from Karl, but then he'd spent the next ten with someone always at his side, he'd forgotten what it was to be a mage and always be alone.]

[She can relate to that sentiment. She's been without Winn for a long time, but it's also the longest she's ever been without someone. She's been in steady relationships since she was a child really. She fell for Piotr when he rescued her at only thirteen. It took a little longer before he dated her or would admit to having feelings for someone as young as she was, but it's still been a string or relationships and it's a combination of longing for Winn and shame that's been keeping her from already being with someone else. When things ended with the man before Winn, he'd done a number on her, making her feel guilty for being in relationships so often as if he hadn't been willing to hook up with her right after one.]

I get that. Want to know a not-at-all-well-kept secret? [She doesn't really wait for the answer.] I can't sleep alone. Not without just exhausting myself first. So, I've been alternating doing that with crashing with Kurt since he understands. And that is from one pathetic grown woman to her pathetic grown man friend. [She smiles softly at him.]

And the other part...I get that too. I've always moved on by literally moving on to someone else. This [what to call it] gap is lonely and I don't know who it's helping. So, if you're good at moving on, don't unlearn that. [She almost adds "like I did" except she never really moves on, does she? They still linger in her heart and mind. Moving on, maybe. Letting go, never.]

[He smiles back. Maybe it wasn't so well-kept a secret, but he still hadn't known, so it still meant something to him.

But he shakes his head in response to that second part.]could unlearn it. Moving on might prevent loneliness or a cold night, but it's not exactly fair to the other person unless 'casual' works for them. [He met her gaze, a hardness at the edge of them.] I won't stop loving Wolfe the most, even if someone else were in the picture for however long I'm here.

I don't know...it just seems like too much. [And, in a valient effort to change the subject because he's fairly sure he's talking in circles:]

You know, if you need another option and it isn't too weird, my bed's an open option to you. So long as you don't mind sharing with kittens. It would be like a stay-over, but with more actual sleep. People still have those, right?

Yeah, that's...definitely the bigger problem, isn't it? [He nailed it. Even if she could get past it feeling unfair to Winn or even herself, how cruel does it feel to do to someone else unless they really seem to get it and understand what they're walking into? Even then it feels dicey.] Every other time the relationship ended because it didn't work. [But she'd still be with Winn if she could. If he came back she'd leave whoever she was with if she moved on.] This would just be letting someone know they are the runner up.

[And what a subject change it is!]

Well, I do like kittens. It's been awhile since I was shipping myself off to the Tourist for bed. [That alone might stop her from taking him up on it. Too familiar to sharing her nights with Winn—about half on his ship and half on hers.] I think we just called them sleepovers in my world. Although those usually involved more prank calls and less trauma. Less, not none.

[‘Runner-up’ was exactly it. Should Atroma bring Wolfe back again, Anders would be back at his Champion’s side in a heartbeat. It was hardly fair to another person if they thought something was turning serious.

It wouldn’t be impossible, but he’d have to be awkwardly upfront about anything with anyone. He wasn’t looking forward to it.

But at the mention of it ‘having been a while’ Anders winced. He hadn’t even really thought about it, he hadn’t remembered what ship Winn had been on, but he couldn’t imagine her coming here was all that easy for her. He lived here and he already knew it was going to feel so much more empty without Hawke’s vivacious presence. If the Tourist didn’t need a medical officer on board, he’d consider transferring. Maybe even back to the Twin Rose and the people he still considered his captains. But it was all academic anyway.]

I don’t know what ‘prank-calling’ is exactly, but I can guess. If the communicators didn’t log who was talking, we could definitely get away with that.

But, please, don’t feel obligated, it was merely an offer, should you need it.

[There would always be a place waiting for him if he wanted to come back. Okay, literally they might have to get an upgrade if they are at capacity, but she would make sure they got one for him and in the meantime there's still that bed in the cargo bay or maybe that sharing he mentioned.]

You'd do really well in a modern version of Earth. [She smiles at him, not actually being sure at all that he would, but he understood what a prank call might be and isn't that the main criteria anyway?]

It's a good offer. Thank you. I don't know if I'll take you up on it or not, but it means a lot that you'd ask. [If anything her hesitation might be that she has hesitation if that makes any sense. Her first thought was that Wolfe just left, but then why should that matter when it's only sleep? And yet it had given her pause so maybe it's been too long and it might stay simpler not to sleep beside handsome men. Not that Kurt isn't handsome! But they go so far back. That's never been their dynamic.]

I'm not sure. Perhaps. [He certainly wasn't great in his own world. But, then, his world had magic and he did love having that, so there was the good and the bad.

He smiled.]

Anytime you need anything, all you need do is ask, Kitty-Cat.
[He meant it whole-heartedly. She'd been a better friend to him than he could ever expect or ask for and he loved her dearly. There was little he wouldn't offer her, if she asked.]

[After all her time in these strange places she's sure there are worlds she'd call modern and he'd call magical being one and the same. At least a few.]

Are you trying to comfort me now? [She smiles at him and she gets it. It usually makes her feel better to concentrate on others instead of her own problems.] You too, you know? You may not be on the Twin Roses anymore, but you're still crew. [Family.]

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