driftfleet | [closed]

Entry tags:

loki,
thor odinson

[closed]

Who: Thor and Loki
Broadcast: no
Action: somewhere on Drade
When: now

[There's only so long Thor can stand a mutinous silence. Even if he's the one who started it. A part of him had been hoping that Loki would come to his senses and come talk to him about their confrontation. After so many attempts to reach out over the years, Thor's been burned many times and a certain exhaustion with it settled into his bones. But that had been before Hela, before Sakaar. Before Ragnarok. Regardless of how maddening his brother can be, this endless frustration needs to stop.

Only a visit to the First Breath finds Loki absent. Really, he should have expected that. New system and all. It wouldn't surprise him if Loki had his feet kicked up in one of the theatres with a drink in hand.

He tries calling Loki instead. No good. Well, if he's at the theatre, he won't respond. It's only later when another call fails to connect that Thor starts to worry. Surely he wasn't being ignored that thoroughly. (Wouldn't be the first time.) A few random enquiries in the market square later finally turns up an answer: "Oh, that shady looking guy with the dirty hair? He took a ship off north. Heard there's some good treasure in the mists, the maniac."

Thor takes a few seconds to curse before sprinting back through the markets, stopping only to buy two masks. Who knows if Loki already has one; Thor will gladly throw a spare at his head just to make a point. A few (admittedly stupid) ventures into the mists himself without a mask had already taught Thor that he shouldn't have scoffed at the tales the locals tell.

He grabs his shuttle and sets off for the island: small, isolated, half-sunken below the mist line.]

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[ Loki knew that question was coming, but it takes him a while to answer, tilting the glass in his hands. The light catches the side of the ring and he looks away. ]

I wanted to see if I could do it. I'm not brave, Thor. Not like you, not by nature. I didn't want to be ruled by it.

And — I didn't want you to see me like that. It's an intolerable weakness.

[Thor can't understand it. He'd already seen Loki within the Marsiva's influence. What more could be lost from him seeing it again? Trying to prove yourself was one thing, but the spectre of what could have gone wrong continues to haunt Thor's heart.

He exhales through his nose, not so much feeling frustration as ... dissatisfaction. It's become clearer after hearing the mist-Thor's ugly words, yet no less hard to swallow.]

I said we would go back and try it again together.

[There's a trace of accusation there, that it was so easily thrown aside in favour of a solo attempt. Thor hadn't even been told after the fact.]

[ Loki can't help the ungainly snort, his fingers tightening around the glass. ]

You wouldn't need me. Should I come just to shadow your footsteps? What can I do than your powers cannot?

More than I can do alone.

[What those things are, Thor doesn't rightly know. That's the whole point of having others on your side. Bringing the best of everyone's talents together. He turns to look at Loki once more.]

If something had happened out there, I never would have known about it. You could have vanished or been captured. [Or killed.] I'd have just thought the Fleet sent you home.

[ Loki winces despite himself. ]

I — I didn't think it mattered. You were . . . angry when I came here and everything seemed so uncertain.

[It's Thor's turn to look uncomfortable, knowing immediately what Loki's referring to. That period of time a few months ago wasn't one of Thor's best, with frustrations making themselves known whether he stifled them or not. Loki's disappearance had prompted his open questioning of the augments, before his sudden return cast suspicion and doubt over Thor's mind.

Thor turns his glass in his fingers, some regret filtering through.]

I was angry at what was happening. You disappeared without warning, then came back and I couldn't tell if you remembered or were just pretending. [And Thor had already had to figure this out once before, trying to pry information out of Loki without him realising he was probing for something that could alarm him. It was stressful and having to do it again had only made it worse. So many doubts had reared their heads.] I was mad, yes. But it wasn't really at you.

[Not for long, at least. Irrationality only lasts so long. He looks back to Loki, a serious set to his mouth.]

Even if I do get angry, that doesn't mean I wouldn't care if something happened to you.

But you're King now.

[ Like Odin. Loki has accepted that, no longer fears that Thor will not be a good king. But the dynamics have shifted. ]

And I'm not sure what I'm supposed to be.

[ Loki blinks away a few traitorous tears. Thor wouldn't know what a big relief that would be. It had been a constant gnawing fear in his mind, eating away his thoughts and constantly trying to eke out a life in a new pair of shoes. ]

[There are any number of things Thor could say to that, about who he considers Loki to be. About how being king was less of a choice and more of a responsibility he could no longer run away from. Only... this isn't about what Thor thinks. He knows Loki can be more than what he is.

Thor is silent for a few moments before he replies.]

What do you want to be?

I don't know. I don't think I've ever known.

[ All he has now is a grip on himself. He doesn't want to give up being Loki, the way he sees it. But that's as far as he's gotten. ]

[What must it be like, to have no idea what you want to be? Thor's had his doubts, had his desires stripped down to the bone and shown to be less simple than he had thought. He remembers that moment in the rain of Midgard when all his certainty collapsed inwards when he couldn't lift Mjolnir. But Thor knows who he is. He knows what he wants, enough to set it aside when duty dictates.]

Well... maybe you ought to look at what you have been and see what you want to take from it. Because you are something now, even if you don't know what it is yet.

[ Loki's never had that kind of certainty. Before, it was a need to please his father. Which twisted itself into a desire to rebel and conform to the ideas of Asgard. If Loki couldn't be what they liked, better than to be what they hated because it would still be something concrete for him to hold onto.

Thor had told him "more" and it's a tentative idea. What it'll become, he doesn't know.

His mouth twists in unhappiness but he nods all the same. ]

[Even if Thor had all the answers, he wouldn't give them now. He had always considered Odin to be the one to go to for wisdom. That idea is tarnished and unusable now, especially for Loki. But Thor's seen enough of Loki's sharp edges and smooth surfaces to know he has the potential to do some good.

He reaches out and squeezes Loki's shoulder.]

You'll be my brother all the same. And I am glad to have you with me.

[Here, back home. Anywhere.]

[ Loki's eyes flicker over to Thor and whatever he sees has him slowly relaxing, a wryness in his face. ]

Sentiment, brother?

['Sentiment' carries a lot of weight as a word, given the history between them. But maybe with time it won't be so heavy.]

Yes, I know you're allergic to it.

Mmm. But perhaps it's not all too terrible.

[ Which is a huge concession on Loki's part. ]

[It is, which has Thor blinking in faint surprise. He's quick to smile again though.]

That just sounds like you're angling for another hug.

[ Loki gives him a flat look. ]

That hardly sounds like me at all.

[Thor picks up his glass again, pitching his voice higher in a way that absolutely doesn't sound like Loki at all:]

"You owe me another hug." Some of your first words here.

[ Loki splutters. ]

That wasn't — I was joking!

And yet you took that hug.

What was I supposed to do, run away?!

That would have been really embarrassing for you.

[ This whole conversation is embarrassing for him!! So he studiously takes a sip of his drink. ]

[Thor just laughs, having some of his own drink.]

[ Loki mutters. ]

I wasn't angling for a hug.

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