video + action

[outstandingbalance]

Who: Natasha Romanoff
Broadcast: Yes
Action: Vanquish & Heron
When: Now

[The video begins with Natasha's face, the picture close to crop out most of the background, though what little is visible would seem to indicate she's in a cargo bay. Her expression is largely stoic, but she looks tired—and her bleach job is growing out, showing red roots.]

For those of you who hadn't noticed yet, Captain Barnes form the Heron is gone. You may have known him as Winter or Bucky, depending on when and how you met. He left a few days ago and is no longer on the ship rosters.

I'm collecting his personal effects to sort and store. If anyone had an interest in any of his things, check in with me on the Vanquish.

[There's a slight frown around her mouth, like maybe she's second guessing making this broadcast in the first place. After her brief hesitation, she commits to finishing the message.]

I suppose, the same goes for Sam Wilson. I've been keeping most of his things since he left too.

[Then a thin smile.]

Congratulations to the new captains, and thank you for letting me raid your ships.

Comments

[postocular]

I can do both, just tell me what you need done.

[ He knows enough about Natasha to know that something so readily available isn't a great place for feelings. ]

[outstandingbalance]

[She hesitates, not really sure what to have him do. This project wasn't really developed to delegate tasks to others.]

You can put those boxes up. I've already gone through them.

[postocular]

[ It's not something people normally help with, but Natasha shouldn't have to shoulder it alone. She doesn't have to talk about it, he knows what trying to move past it while you're hurting looks like well enough. With a nod, Carl does as he's instructed, picking up boxes and shifting them toward the corner of the room. Out of the way and out of mind, right? ]

I'm sorry you even had to do this.

[outstandingbalance]

Not like I'm the first one, right? Things like this happen all the time.

[Carl knows that as well as anyone. Natasha knows it. He's lost more than anyone, probably.]

[postocular]

Still. I know you were really close. It's hard losing someone like that.

[outstandingbalance]

Real close, yeah. Maybe closer than we should have been.

[Natasha's still low key crazy about him. That hurts.]

[postocular]

I also know that you don't really get close to people, so.. I know he was important for you.

I don't think you regret getting together, I think you just regret that he's gone?

[outstandingbalance]

No, I don't regret getting together. Maybe I regret wasting time not realizing we were getting together... Never really seemed like he'd leave first.

[She bites her lip. And until recently, she figured he'd go back home. Now...]

[postocular]

Hey.

[ He inches closer to Natasha, glancing up at her uncertainly before he closes the distance and wraps his arms around her. Yep, too late, Nat, he's hugging you. ]

You couldn't have known.

[outstandingbalance]

[The hug comes as a surprise, and for an instant, she stiffens.

But then, before he can pull away, she returns it, squeezing him in return.]

I know. I know. But I... I should have been ready for it.

[postocular]

How do you even prepare for something like that? It's like living on borrowed time.. that's not really a way to live, thinking that it's going to end.

[outstandingbalance]

[That gets a wince out of her. Way to see through her, kid.]

That's... not quite how I'd put it. But sometimes that's how it is. It was bound to end eventually.

[postocular]

Yeah, just like I know everyone I know is going to leave while I'm stuck here alone. I'm still not going to go through every day thinking that this is going to be it.

I can't, or I'm gonna go crazy. And neither should you.

[outstandingbalance]

I don't think you should. But it's not the same. Not really.

[postocular]

It's kind of the same. Just because I'm not romantic with them doesn't mean it doesn't hurt when they leave. It's still losing a piece of yourself.

[outstandingbalance]

I don't mean it that way. I know it hurts—and I know we all have to make the best we can while we can.

But we're not exactly the same.

[postocular]

No, I guess we're not.

[outstandingbalance]

...I don't mean it like that. [Natasha isn't used to putting her foot in her mouth.]

[postocular]

I get that our pasts couldn't be any more different, but it's not like you don't deserve to be happy when you can.

[outstandingbalance]

[Maybe she doesn't though.]

I was happy for a while. Maybe happy's a strong word... but.

[postocular]

Content?

[outstandingbalance]

Content. [Agreeing as she echoes him.]

[postocular]

You can have that again, it's not completely gone.

[outstandingbalance]

It's... that's complicated, Carl.

[postocular]

Not if you just let yourself.