(no subject)

[samahl]

Who: Cyril Lavellan
Broadcast: Open
Action: SS Starduck
When: Afternoon


[Cyril seems much better to anyone who happened to see him during his bender. He's put together once more, perfectly groomed and wearing something that compliments his frame. He seems cheerful, though a little thoughtful.]


I think I have a rather morbid question to ask, but one I find myself dwelling on recently. Bear with me...

If you knew you were facing your death, perhaps through illness or some magic that was slowly tainting your body, what would be the one thing you'd want to do?

When I try to think of my answer, all that comes to mind are lewd, shallow things. For once, perhaps, I'd like my answer to have more meaning. Perhaps hearing what you would do will help?

Comments

voice.

[paraclete]

[Floating through is a quiet voice that is as gentle and impenetrable as fog in early morning. But kinder than that, maybe, except for his obstruction of an earnest view.]

If you want it, isn't it meaningful?

[samahl]

I think that's a good point. Though, I suppose part of it is being honest with what I actually want.

[paraclete]

Yeah. Usually, honesty does change things. Well, I can tell you what I would want, but I'm wondering, too, what you would say is worthy of being called meaningful. After all... [He must be smiling. He really sounds like someone who smiles. But he's not firm, and there's a reserved quality to his voice--almost aerial, like he isn't grounded to the conversation.] Otherwise, aren't you mistreating your own desires?

[samahl]

That may be the thing that I'm best at, though.

What would you want to do?

[paraclete]

Hmmm. [Acknowledgement. No judgment either way.] Well, for myself, I would wish to spend my remaining time in the presence of the person I love.

[samahl]

[Haha, well, hearing that hurt, but Cyril supposes he walked right into that one. Discussing death gets people to think about love, and it's not this person's fault he recently has been dealing with a broken heart. He is very, very careful not to show even a bit of his wounds.]

That's very admirable, and I'm sure they would want to be with you too. If they knew it was the last they'd be with you.

[paraclete]

[Likewise, Kaworu doesn't sound the slightest bit wounded even through a rueful tinge:]

But that's a little cruel, perhaps, for them to know it. I've thought before of how much I would suffer if it were me instead. If it were me, waiting on his death. So it's not a very nice thing of me to say.

So I'll tell you that I understand what it is to want a different want. To desire for yourself to desire different things.

[samahl]

It is difficult to think about the people we leave behind when we go, and what they must suffer when it happens.

It's enough to almost make me wish I believed in an afterlife.

[paraclete]

Is it? I would think one might want to rest, after death. Or is that selfish?

[samahl]

Oblivion isn't the same as resting.

video;

[twosoul]

[Have a very blue dude answering the question in all seriousness.]

Take out the one who did it to me.

[samahl]

I can understand that urge.

Though, the one who owned the magic tearing my body apart is a friend. One I don't hate as much as others think I should.

[twosoul]

[He narrows his eyes, thinking about it.]

Was it malicious, then? Because it's one thing if it's their fault, but if it's an accident, or, I don't know, a side effect of something, that's not the same.

[samahl]

That is a surprisingly complicated question.

I would say it was more of an accident that I ended up with the magic through my body. I was near a ritual one no one was meant to stumble upon and I tried to help the people targeted by it. My friend wasn't there, but he gave the powerful object at the center of the ritual to the one performing it.

That person I destroyed, but my friend's magic remains.

[twosoul]

Then you did kill the person responsible. The hand that wields the sword is at fault, not the person who forged it. [Magic, rituals--he can't help but think of the Hive and their sword logic.]

But I hope your friend learned a lesson about accountability, too.

So I guess if you already took care of that part and you still didn't have long left it'd be--hmm. Either spend the rest of my time with the people I care about the most, or go out on a suicide strike that would make my death have as much meaning as my life.

[samahl]

I feel as if those two options may be direct opposites of one another... And it sounds like what the Wardens do.

Which do you lean more towards?

[twosoul]

Depends if the rest of my friends wanted to go out in a blaze of glory, too.

But if it came down to it, I'd gladly give my life to save someone else from the same fate.

[samahl]

I understand that.

One of the things that coming here taught me is that there are countless others in other timelines who suffer what I suffered. I would take all of it if it would spare them.

[twosoul]

[He pauses for a long moment.]

That's a sentiment worthy of a Guardian. Someone who's willing to sacrifice themselves so that other people might live free of the Darkness--my brothers and sisters would welcome you among us.

[samahl]

I...

A Guardian? Do you mind explaining that a bit?

[twosoul]

Oh! Right. Keep forgetting other people don't have Guardians.

[He thinks about it for a long moment. How to explain without getting too technical?]

A long time ago, my people lived in a Golden Age, but then the Darkness came and it collapsed. With its dying breath, the last source of Light let out a hundred thousand tiny sparks, and each one sought for a person it could infuse with the Light. But they each only had one shot at it, so they looked for certain qualities - devotion, bravery. Sacrifice. Someone who was willing to give their life so that others might live.

Some of them looked for hundreds of years. Some of them are still looking. But some of them - they found people who had made that sacrifice, who didn't just talk the talk but who had gone through with it and died - and then infused their spirit with the Light. They came back fresh as dawn, no memory of who they were before, but with those core personality traits still there. And their Light helps them to come back again and again, as long as it isn't drained by the Darkness. A Guardian can suffer a million deaths and still fight, because we never give up no matter what the cost.

[samahl]

I see...

They sound incredible. Though their lives do not sound easy.

[twosoul]

[He almost makes a flippant remark, but--it's not easy. There are Guardians who had quit, who had chased a true death, who had given up. But for every one of those, ten more join the fight.]

It's not easy. But it's worth doing.

[Video]

[sandywolf]

Why would these things be shallow just because they are lewd? Sexuality is a powerful force, one that transcends many things.

[samahl]

Something I would do well to remember and instantly feel less guilty about.

[sandywolf]

I believe the world would be much more relaxed in general if people stopped thinking of this as something shameful. Humans can be really strange about these things.

[Yes, he said 'humans' as if he were not including himself in the category, even though he looks like an adult human male himself.]

That being said, you can always look for another type of answer.But I don't think yours is inherently wrong either. Someone about to die would want a powerful connection, and sex is one way to get it.

[samahl]

I would like to point out that I am not human but that may be beside the point.

[sandywolf]

Oh, my apologies. I am unused to non-humans that are not supernatural, so I do not always notice unless I see people in person.

[It's not quite true, he noticed the ears, he just figured it was rude to ask and the rest of him looked human enough.]

[samahl]

It's all right. Though there are many other elves who would take offense, I don't mind. Some humans are nice.

[sandywolf]

yes, some of the are.

but I surmise it works for your kind much the same way it does for humans, or for my kind. So in the end, wanting a powerful and meaningful connection isn't a bad thing.

[samahl]

I think my issue is that I tend to want to avoid what others would call "meaningful" connection. I'm really rather shallow.

[sandywolf]

Is sex really something so meaningless to you?

[He's not asking to be rude, he's curious. He is a committed man now, and has been several times before, but he is also no stranger to sleeping around simply because it felt good at the time.]

In my experience, people who way this are not shallow. They are afraid.

[samahl]

Then I suppose I must be afraid. [Said in a way that sounds friendly and thoughtful, more than anything else.]

Sex is something I sometimes do with friends. Friendship is the meaningful part. Sex is just for fun.

[sandywolf]

You said it yourself. Friendship is the meaningful part. How could anyone call that shallow?

If in the end you value the relationships, does it really matter what word people use o describe it?

[samahl]

I suppose I should say that it doesn't.