driftfleet | Sometimes family is what you make... (Closed)

You would be surprised.

[But he won't elaborate. This is about Lance and not his past insecurities.]

Lance, if you were annoying do you really think I would have locked up my shop to ensure no one interrupts us? I see a little brother who is going through a hard time and needs me. The fact that I can be there for you means the world to me.

[Reaching across the table, he gently touches his hand.]

Let someone take care of you for awhile, Lance. Let me do that for you.

I wish I could help you as much as you help me.

[Of course, Biffy's wiser considering his age. Lance is still ultimately a 19 year old (not counting all the time spent back home). But even so, he still feels that this relationship can be too one sided when it comes to hurt and help.

He won't stop trying to fix that.]

I, well, it's... It's back home again, I guess. I've been trying harder to think better of myself in this place. Realize that people actually do like me and want me around. But then stuff happens back home, and it's like every step I've taken here doesn't matter anymore even though I'm back. It shoved me right down the flight of stairs again, and I'm tired of these bruises, man.

There's still time for you to. Right now it's you who needs me and that's alright.

[He gives a little squeeze to his hand before sitting back. Sipping his tea, he listens. He lets Lance talk about what he needs to talk about.]

It's never easy to feel like progress made is for nothing...

No.

[He takes a few more sips at the tea, almost hesitant to start speaking. God, really does hate feeling like he can't get over all of this.]

Back home, we--and I know this sounds crazy, just roll with it--somehow magically ended up trapped on some kind of game show. Uh, basically, a competition kind of thing. It was a little bit funny at first, especially when Keith got a pacifier shoved into his mouth to shut him up and his hair looked like a pineapple, but that's besides the point. Even if, okay, yeah, it was flipping hilarious.

[At least one nice thing came out of that?]

No one appreciated my pictionary strategy, but whatever. That wasn't a huge deal. What did start bugging me was when I got picked by the opposing team to do the next few games solo. And the reason they gave was that I was the dumb one of the team.

[Lance seriously isn't sure whether hearing that coming from Zarkon made it hurt more or less.]

So Bob, the host, he keeps going on and on about how yeah, I'm the dumb one. I'm the stupid one. Just over and over. And no one on my team said a word to stick up for me.

[What?

Lance is such an intelligent young man. Biffy may not know his skills in academics but just the way he looks at the world tells him plenty. This is an intelligent young man who has a deeply caring heart. To have no one defend him when he's constantly being insulted in such a fashion...

Especially people who are meant to be his friends...]

Not even once?

Not once. And then it just got even worse when the games got going. They were a bunch of stupid, stupid games too! I mean, how the heck am I supposed to remember the names of every alien I meet in space when we've been flying from planet to planet constantly for a gazillion months already? So yeah, of course I got a bunch of them wrong, and the others just kept getting angrier and angrier at me for it. Christ, I glanced over at one point and they were miming out the word "KILL". Real nice, guys, either you want to kill me or me kill myself 'cause I couldn't remember some asshole's name.

[His voice gets more bitter and bitter as he rants about it. And sorry for offending any delicate sensibilities with cursing, Biffy. Even to Keith, Lance felt that he had to hold back in his explanation of why he was hurt.]

Then Bob had me play another game, where I had to answer trivia questions from an alien who didn't even speak the same language as me! And I almost beat it! I got one stupid question wrong, and got thrown in an acid tank for my troubles!

Edited 2018-12-13 04:32 (UTC)

[Biffy frowns but he doesn't flinch or comment on the profanity. Lance needs to get this out in the way that suits him best. He's going to let him do that.]

Acid? But are you alright?

[He doesn't remember him having injuries of that nature...]

Yeah...my armor protected me from the worst of it, but if I stayed in there for longer than I was, it would've really started messing me up. It was already exfoliating.

[He just...gives a tired huff.]

And that? That wasn't even the end of it. I got taken out of the tank by the host after a while but the last "game" we played... We had to vote for one person in our team, ourselves included, to get sent back home. The rest of us would be stuck there forever. Everyone voted for each other with all these amazing and beautiful reasons. And I--even if me and Keith hadn't gotten much of a chance to really reconnect--I voted for him. Said that I thought that he was the future. I still think that and mean that. He's shown a lot of greatness, and I knew he could only grow from there.

[Silence for a few moments.]

He voted for me, and his reason was that he didn't want to be trapped forever in the same universe as me.

Oh Lance...

[What a horrible and cruel game. There's literally nothing that could have been achieved with it from what he can tell. Worse still, to damage Lance like this and turn those who should be with him against him.

The fact that he hasn't fallen apart before his eyes telling the tale is a miracle really.

Internally he feels a small ball of anger against the others. No one should ever do that to a friend or ally. No one. It speaks of the type of people they've allowed themselves to be and it takes everything in Biffy to keep that anger below the surface. Lance needs support right now and not righteous anger. He knows that.]

To go through all that but still be someone there to support your team... Lance, you are one of the most amazing people I've ever met.

If I'm so amazing, then why did they act like they'd rather be rid of me more than anything?

[He chews his bottom lip hard, to the point where it's starting to bleed just a tiny bit. God, that stuff hurt, and it's obvious he's not over it even after his talk with Keith.]

Keith apologized when we got back here, when I told him I was upset at what he said... But for quiznak's sake, there's that whole thing on top of it too. Me and him back home. He doesn't feel that way for me yet back home, he isn't sure at least, and I don't know if he ever will. I still think I'm just an annoyance to him there. He's so good, he's becoming a great leader and he's strong and he helps everyone else out so much, but I'm so confused.

[Eventually, he finds himself pressing the palms of his hands over his eyes.]

Heck, I still have some romantic feelings for Allura back home. And I'm focusing on that there, even if I have some feelings for Keith too, because I really think I'm never going to have a chance with him. And that whole thing is screwing with our relationship here, too. I almost thought we were going to break up for a second, with how things got when we were talking.

[He's really quite glad he's not a vampire right now the moment he smells that blood hit the air. He's also glad he locked his door. All the same, he rises to his feet and goes over to Lance as he pulls out his pocket kerchief. When Lance is done talking, he leans down and gently dabs at his mouth to help stop the bleeding. It isn't bad but best to stop it now.

As he does, his fingers lightly run through Lance's hair to help comfort him.]

But you didn't.

No, we didn't, b-but I'm afraid he's going to keep having second thoughts about us now.

[Shit. He really does feel like a child, especially with Biffy wiping the blood off of his mouth and stroking his hair like this. But he almost doesn't care--he's angry, he's scared, he's sad, and he just needs this comfort.]

I'm sorry. I'm making this out to be a bigger deal than it probably was. I already screwed things up with Pidge last time that way.

Nonsense. This is important to you so it is a big deal.

[He folds up his kerchief to put it back into his pocket. One hand settles on Lance's shoulder.]

Lance, do you believe that Keith truly loves you?

I... I don't want to doubt him. He says he loves me. He acts like he loves me. So I trust him in that. But w-with everything happening back home, and the more times we go back and forth... He was ready to just let me go if it meant me going after Allura and being happy that way.

[He takes a deep breath.]

I don't want that! I want him to fight to be with me, okay? I know it's stupid and I know it's selfish, but I want him to feel like what we have is too important to ever even think about letting go! I want him to be selfish when it comes to having me.

[Lance rubs at his eyes. ...Quiznak.]

I've always sucked at romantic relationships. But I-- I-- I can't lose him.

[He nods and then he moves his chair over. Taking Lance's hand in his own, he sits down and looks at him.]

Lance, look at me.

[He waits until the other has before speaking again. His tone is calm and quiet. Gentle. This is not him scolding Lance for feeling the way he does.]

You have every right to feel as you do. Though I think there's another side that I would like you to consider. A proof that Keith truly loves you and that you can trust he does completely. Never a doubt in your mind.

[Biffy smiles a little.]

One of the hardest things you can do in life is let someone you love go so they can be happy elsewhere. It's a gift unlike any other. Usually you see it done with family but once in awhile it's also done with lovers. The reason it's so powerful is because you are wounding yourself to let someone else be happy instead. The fact that he was willing to give that you when he feels as he does tells me that he treasures you so highly that he would put your happiness above his own. You are more precious to him than anything could ever hope to be. Perhaps, in a way, his doing this was giving you what you needed without realizing it.

[The look in his eyes says that he's been through this before himself. Had to feel this pain.]

I won't lie and say that I'm not profoundly disappointed in him for what he did to you back in your world because I feel you deserve honesty from me. Yet, I truly feel that the fact that he set aside himself to put you first says a great deal. I'm impressed by that. Equally as much as I am glad that you two have found a way to be together despite all of this. It's why I don't feel that you will lose him. He's yours.

[A little sigh and he looks up again.]

I wouldn't say he was ready to let you go, Lance. You mean the world to him. It's simply that not all precious gifts in life come from fighting for them. Some of them are simply from giving without hope of anything in return. You give so much of that so I believe he felt it was his turn to give that to you if it was what you wanted. Now, you both have what you want. Each other.

[Biffy's right. Of course he's right. And while Lance does need to hear all of these words, especially with his pain making him begin to be irrational, it still doesn't stop the entire situation from hurting like hell. Why couldn't things be more simple? Why, when he thinks he's finally found the kind of true love he'd always been dreaming about since he was a child avidly reading romance novels, did it have to be filled with such an unnatural complication? Something completely and utterly out of his hands?

He's not a complete fool. He knows love isn't simple. But this isn't the type of situation anyone would ever think to warn you about.

Before Biffy can react, Lance moves to press his face against his shoulder, his shoulders hitching. It's just a one two whammy, thinking and talking about all of this at once. First the doubts and hurt from his team, and then all of this about Keith.]

I-I don't... Every time I think I've f-found my way, I get lost again.

[His voice is muffled into Biffy's shirt.]

[There they are. The tears are coming like he had a feeling they needed to. Biffy wraps his arms around Lance and puts a hand on the back of his head so that way he can just cry when he's ready to. Oh it's going to ruin his poor suit jacket but sometimes these sacrifices must be made.]

Sometimes the paths we walk are difficult and we stumble. We fall and scrape ourselves along the way. But I'm here for you when you find you can't stand up again, Lance. As many times as you need it.

[He means that.]

Sometimes I don't know what I'd do without you around here.

[His voice is still tight, words hitched, and he lets out a watery laugh. God, he's gonna have to apologize so much for messing up Biffy's jacket, because he really is crying now.]

Thank you... I... It's gonna take a while for all of that to sink in, really, but I... I trust you. I trust you, and... I trust Keith. I have to.

[There's another little tremble, though.]

Just gotta deal with all that other crap too.

It will take time. Things like this are not the easiest to heal from. What matters is that you know you're not alone.

[Closing his eyes, he settles for letting Lance cry as long as he needs to.]

If you ever need to just have a break to recover yourself again let me know. I will talk with Lyall and we'll figure out a way to give you something of a vacation for a time. Even if it's just for a few hours.

I just don't know what my team is thinking when it comes to me. And now I'm terrified to ask.

[He just keeps holding onto him. Eventually the tears and trembling subside, and he takes several deep breaths.]

...Thanks. I owe you the universe. I really do.

It's hard to tell what most people are thinking I'm afraid. However, it's harder to do when you're feeling wounded. I recommend giving yourself time to heal before you truly consider their thoughts about you again. It will be better for you and for them.

[Because honestly? Lance needs to heal more than anything else right now.]

[He nods a little. That makes sense enough.]

Right. Yeah. I'm just gonna make sure things stay right with Keith, and keep living my life here, and focus on the good things. And keep on planning your wedding, because that's something that really makes me happy. God, I know you're gonna say it's alright, but I'm still sorry for derailing the planning you wanted to do.

You're right. I am going to say that.

[He pats his back, letting out a soft laugh.]

If I hadn't said something you would have continued to hold this in, after all.

You know, I probably would've.

[He finally pulls back a little, wiping at his eyes. Man, Biffy's the last person he wants to be seeing him physically looking like such a mess.]

Just like I was doing back home. But here, here I have more people. I have you, I have Jim... I have people here I can talk to about this stuff.

[Pause.]

And Veronica, of course--and I have her back home now too, until I have to end up going back to space. But I think if I told her all of this, she'd kick the quiznak out of everyone, Team Voltron or not. She is crazy overprotective of me sometimes.

[He helps to clean up his face and even fixes Lance's hair. It may be short but that doesn't mean it doesn't need fixing.]

She sounds like a typical older sibling honestly. Something I know a bit about since I am one too.

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