driftfleet | 003 winter wonderland

Entry tags:

003 winter wonderland

Who: Sansa Stark
Broadcast: Fleet-wide
Action: down on the planet
When: 20 December - end of the month

> > > carol singing

( Sansa enjoys the systems that are cold and this one is no exception. This planet is full of ice and snow and the people are warm and kind the way she remembers the North being when she was a child. They do love music, impossibly so, and so she decides to sing a few of the songs she knows down in a cafe when some others are singing their own. It's nice to learn new things to sing and she has one of the new songs on the tip of her tongue as she goes to get a cup of warm tea, needing to stave off the chill. When she sees someone she recognizes from the Fleet, she steps back a bit and allows them to step to the counter first. )

Oh, did you want anything? Far be it from me to be in your way - how rude of me.

> > > stitching time

( Lord Akeldama's waistcoat was coming along nicely and rather than sew up in the Fleet, Sansa has chosen to do it down in a cozy corner near a fire in a bookstore down on the planet. She has a little basket of sewing things she's bought from her small supply of credits and she's hoping a few others will take her up on the offer to make things for them. She sends a message out to the Fleet indicating the same, that anyone can come and put in a commission. She sews fast and accurate; Sansa doesn't think it will take her long to turn out a few pieces and earn a bit of money. For now, though, it's Lord Akeldama's waistcoat and she's just pricked her finger. She makes a soft sound and brings the wounded finger to her lips to suck it. )

Ouch! You'd think I would be better at this.

> > > wildcard

( Have another idea? Leave me a start below! )

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I know a little of how you feel.

[It's definitely much too forward but he puts a hand on her elbow and indicates a more quiet corner of the establishment. The way their conversation might be headed, privacy seems more prudent. And it creates more room for other patrons near the counter.]

It's not easy to carry a weight with you. But it can make you stronger.

Where I'm from, we have words that are strongly associated with our houses. House Stark's words have always been Winter is Coming but now we say something different.

( Sansa pauses for a moment, sipping at her tea. )

We say The North Remembers. I think if you remember and you carry it with you, it guards you against being hurt again.

I like that sentiment. Memory can't guard against all hurts, but it can perhaps soften their pain.

[That memories cause a pain all their own, he deems it unnecessary to say. From the way she talks, Bucky thinks Sansa may already know as much.]

I hope not all of your memories of home are such armor though. Are there such that bring you joy?

My family, of course. I have none of them here. My husband is here but he is, of course, from a different house and one that actually did mine a fair amount of harm. I have none of my brothers or my sister here with me.

( Sansa wishes she did have them - if they were here, they’d be safe. )

Did you find out if anyone from your home was here or are you alone in the Fleet?

If you've always been surrounded by family, I guess it's hard to be without them.

[He wouldn't know, and the question makes him frown a little in thought.]

I don't know if I'm alone or not. There are people who know me, but I don't know them.

Do you seem to be from different versions of the world? My husband and I am. There are things that don’t match up.

( Sansa has had to learn to accommodate those differences and gaps in experience. )

I don't know.

[Another shrug, and a somewhat apologetic smile.]

My memory... isn't intact. The people who say they know me... I'm not sure if I'm supposed to know them or not.

( That's a hard thing, not being able to trust your own mind, and Sansa reaches out to touch his hand lightly in comfort. It seems like all she can do, at this point, but she wants to offer it. )

I'm sorry. Perhaps you just need time to remember everything? Sometimes when...terrible things happen, I forget the details or get them wrong.

[The touch surprises him, because Bucky's kept himself apart from people. He's dangerous he knows. He's a threat. But her fingertips are gentle and Bucky doesn't brush her hand away.]

You're right, of course. I know my name again. I didn't always.

[It's not quite a secret, but he does keep his memory issues very close — or as close as he can, with people he doesn't know, knowing him.]

A name is an important thing to keep, your name, when others try to make you be someone else. I spent some time as another person. It was...difficult to remember who I was beneath it.

( The lie of Alayne was one she'd perfected over time, with Baelish's help, but Sansa is glad for the fact that she's Sansa Stark again and needs not hide who she is from anyone. )

You speak as if you know pieces of my life already.

[It's not as uncomfortable a thought as it could be. Bucky allows a smile, something that's almost self depreciating.]

I called you wise when we first met. I think I stand by that descriptor.

I think it's less that I know portions of your life and more that we've shared more than would be expected. We come from very different places, you and I, but I think we've both been through things no person should go through.

( It is nice for Sansa to have someone who understands. Bucky is someone she can talk to these things about and not feel broken or wrong because he's experienced it too, in some way. He's not given her details and she hasn't shared her own but it doesn't matter - the feeling is the same. )

I only became wise through sacrifice. I'm afraid that's how it is for most people.

Maybe one day we'll share a little more of our stories.

[It's not a promise, because that would be foolish; Bucky still doesn't hold a lot of trust for this place. Instead it's more an expression of hope for their continued association, which has been pleasant thus far. Truly, Sansa has owed him nothing; her kindness has all come of her own volition.]

There's nothing wrong with that. Sacrifice does make a person stronger, doesn't it? As long as he hasn't lost too much of himself.

There's a limit to what a person can give, yes. Sometimes, if the cause is worthy, you can push through but often it's just a slow erosion.

( Sansa feels like she gets a little respite in this place. There's no one vying for her attention or for her claim and she can focus on herself. It's novel to her. )

I try to think of this place as apart from my other life, separate. I try not to dwell on things of the past here because I cannot control them here in the Fleet. It's easier said than done, though.

Pieces taken away or reshaped until the original is less than a memory.

[He knows it well, the cold, painful reality of it. And Bucky can't help but wonder what Sansa's been through to know similar.]

I don't know if that's something I can do, but I'll try to take your advice. [A beat.] At the very least the Fleet has brought us acquaintance, so I suppose it's not all bad.

No, it’s not. I’m very glad to have met you, Bucky, and I hope you’ll be here for a while. It’s selfish, I suppose, but I would like the chance to be your friend.

( They all have things back home that are pressing - Sansa hasn’t met anyone who doesn’t - but she’s human enough to admit when she cares for someone and wants them to stick around. )

Is it really selfish if we're being selfish together?

[It's one of the first things in his life since breaking away from HYDRA that has felt safe enough to want. A dangerous thought perhaps, given their situation, but one he wants to indulge.]

I can't promise that I remember enough of myself to be a good friend to you. But I will try.

I don't think missing parts of yourself means you won't be a good friend. I've...lost parts of me, too, and I don't think it's changed who I am fundamentally. It couldn't.

( Sansa touches his hand again, wanting to comfort him. She doesn't want him to think that being a good friend requires remembering everything in his past; she has things she wishes she could forget. )

I think you'll still be Bucky regardless.

Maybe you're right. I hope you're right.

[This time he turns his hand under hers, lightly grasping her fingertips in his own. There's nothing but firmness in it, metal doesn't have the give of flesh-and-blood, but he has learned to keep his touch light with that arm.]

I still don't even really know who Bucky is. I guess we're going to find out together.

I think it'll be a worthwhile venture to pursue. I'm happy to help you in any way that I can. I cannot promise to...I've never done that before, or anything, but I know what it's like to not remember, to be someone else, to lock your true self away. If nothing else, you know that I will understand and accept without judgment.

( Sansa wonders what her family would think of her now. Not Jon, Bran and Arya, who have all changed too, but her lord father and lady mother, what Rickon would think - what those would think who knew her as a bright-eyed girl who loved songs and dancing.

She's not that little girl anymore, no longer so naive, but it's in there somewhere. She found it. She thinks Bucky can find himself too. )

You don't owe me any promises. I promise. [It's followed with a chuckle, because he realizes as he says it how silly that sounds.] I don't have nearly the way with words that you do.

[She's mentioned being from a very different world and certainly her manners attest to it. Or perhaps it's that she herself is so different from anything Bucky has experienced in how own recent life.]

I don't know if I'll ever be able to repay your kindness to me. And I know you're going to say no payment is necessary, but if there's ever anything I can do for you, consider me at your service.

( Sansa gives him a smile at the awkward turn of phrase and when Bucky says he would do a favor for her if she requested it, she shakes her head. She doesn't do these things for a favor. Jim had helped her the first time she'd come to the Fleet and knew nothing and he's never wanted repayment; why would Sansa ask for the same from someone else? )

You can indulge me with your company from time to time. I think that's the only thing that will ever be required. Otherwise, I'd only talk to Jim Kirk and my husband, and that's quite a small circle for someone who used to be the lady of a castle.

( She pauses for a moment, reflecting. )

I used to be afraid of men. Men in my world only want one thing from a woman like me and I've been married twice over. It's nice to know that not all men are like that and that sometimes good acts aren't under false pretenses. That is all the payment I need from you.

[A kind soul. He's heard the turn of phrase before and never quite believed it. But here it is personified in bright eyes and a welcoming smile and what seems to be a true, genuine kindness.]

Whenever you feel lonely then, ask me. We're on the same ship; I would not mind spending some of our time there with you.

[His face falls a little at her words. It's plain enough, the implications of what she may have been through, but he doesn't have to like it. Bucky may not have regained everything of memory or self, but certain things he thinks are universal.]

I would not push myself on you like that. I promise you. There are things about me that I think would make you uncomfortable, but I would never do that to you.

I know. I barely know you, all told, but I know that. You have a good heart. It's nice to know there are people here in this world who don't want to take advantage of me. I walled myself away for a long time, trusting no one, because I had been ill used. This is much better. It's nice to have friends again.

( Sansa has missed the part of her who used to delight in the company of others, the part of her that wanted to laugh and sing and thought everything was a song. She's not nearly so naive now, of course not, but it is nice to know she doesn't have to always look over her shoulder. )

I'll do what I can to help you, too. If you need anything, you only need to ask. I can make you clothes or accompany you somewhere or just talk. Whatever is needed.

I barely know me, most days.

[He forces the thought away though, because it's easy enough to dwell and that's not something to which he wants to subject Sansa; it's not fair to her.]

But I do know what it is to be used, and I won't allow myself to do that to you. And if you fear you are being used, I'm sure I'm not the only one who would step in to prevent it.

[But here she is offering so much more, even after everything she's offered already. It really makes him wonder, that a soul who could suffer so much could remain so kind. And that someone like him could be allowed to associate with her.]

I wouldn't say no to your tailoring help, if you'd tell me what I'd need to supply you with. There are times that having my left arm visible is not advantageous. But that's only if you let me do something in return for you.

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