action and video.

[rebuildyourruins]

Who: Thor + you
Broadcast: yes, video
Action: First Breath and Blue Fish
When: January 3rd - 4th

closed to Natasha.

[It takes some time for Thor to calm down enough from the shock of his memories to even think about what to do next. He had effectively chosen one thing of importance - Loki - and firmly shoved everything else to the side for hours. To take stock of the rest of it, look his own glaring mistakes in the face, was too much for him at the outset. But Thor isn't selfish at heart. There's only so long he can take focusing on himself before his mind turns to others.

He has to review what he knows from those last shattering moments on Earth with a grim objectivity before he gets in touch with the others. Once he does, it's easy enough to put together some of the pieces from his conversations with Natasha and know she's the one to call.

Not call exactly, but text.]

Can you meet me in the Space Bar?

[He briefly considers saying something else, bracing her for what he wants. There's no way he can think of to put that into text, though, so he doesn't. Once it's sent, he heads over to the Iskaulit to wait.]

action - first breath.

[Thor hadn't exactly been subtle when he came hurtling through the First Breath the night before, running straight through the ship in full battle armor before shutting himself in Loki's room. And that's where he stayed for a long time.

He does eventually come out though, rubbing tiredly at his face and heading into the kitchen. Thor's been here enough times to know where everything is. After a few moments of staring blankly at the countertops and cupboards, unreality threatening to unmoor him, he shakes himself and smacks the coffee pot onto the stove.

He'll be there for a while, drinking coffee at the bench and gazing vaguely at some fixed point on the wall. Still in full cape and mail sleeves. The bone-deep exhaustion in his face might have something to do with it.]

action - blue fish.

[Thor returns to his own ship during the day, knowing abstractly that the Fleet is due to depart this world soon. In the past he would prepare for this, restocking the food supplies and ensuring everything in the armory was locked back into place and accounted for. That was when the ship had more crew, and he hadn't yet become captain. Still, it needed to be done. Regardless of how unworthy he feels when he enters his own bedroom and sees the captain's bed in there.

Thor can be found stacking up crates in the cargo bay, checking through the fridges and freezers, and doing systems checks. Later on, he opts to sit on the top of the ship, watching the snow fall in silence.]

video.

[It's not the sudden reappearance of the short, jagged hair Thor used to sport or the incongruous brown eye where his eyepatch usually is that most dominates Thor's face when the video switches on. It's the weariness etched in hard lines all over him. There's no mistaking it, regardless of his otherwise composed demeanour. He merely nods at the camera before he starts, gruffer than usual.]

For those who knew her, Riona Cousland Theirin has left the Fleet. She was here for over three years, so I know she will be missed by many of us.

[There's a pause as though he might say more, but decides against it.]

The captaincy of the Blue Fish has fallen to me in her place. If you have any questions about that, you can bring them to me. [Thor shuts his eyes briefly, shaking his head.] Or... anything else.

[No doubt there might be some. He switches off the feed.]

Comments

[rebuildyourruins]

[Thor gives Loki a strange look, not sure what he's asking.]

I didn't get any lasting injuries. None that weren't healed before I even came back here.

[dothelokimotion]

[ quiet, carefully. ]

You have not said much since then.

[rebuildyourruins]

[Hasn't he? Not to Loki, he supposes. Plenty of other people have come around to talk to him. Thor has said and not said a lot of things to them. But there's more explaining to do when it comes to others.]

I've been thinking.

[True. He has. He sighs, rubbing at his eye.]

And it's stupid to say this, but it's weird having two eyes again.

[dothelokimotion]

[ loki blinks. ]

I imagine it is an improvement though.

[rebuildyourruins]

It is, and it didn't bother me at home. Here, though, I spent a year getting used to having one.

[And now he finds it jarring to have depth perception again, having gone so long without it in the Fleet.]

[dothelokimotion]

[ loki sniffs. ]

I could have stolen an eye for you ages ago.

[rebuildyourruins]

Yeah, but I didn't need one. I talked to you about that.

[It was a while ago he knows, but he does remember bringing it up in conversation at least once. As priorities went it was never Thor's highest.]

I only have this one because someone gave it to me.

[dothelokimotion]

[ thor had. loki didn't care much for his reasoning though. ]

Not Stark, I presume. All his technology seems to break down or go evil eventually.

[rebuildyourruins]

No. Not Stark. [He sets the coffee mug down, growing sombre once again.] No one knows where Stark is at the moment.

I got it from one of the crew of the ship who found me in space.

[dothelokimotion]

[ oh no,,,, if only someone cared,,,,, ]

What crew?

[rebuildyourruins]

A group of six. They were... following our distress call. They just arrived too late.

[Not that one small ship with a gaggle of six people could have done anything to save them. Even if one had been a daughter of Thanos herself. Thor knows there had been no one left to rescue by the time they picked him up. That wouldn't have changed if they had arrived any earlier. They could have been destroyed themselves.]

[dothelokimotion]

[ loki's expression twists. he had put out that distress call. and it had come too late. his hands tremble around the cup. ]

That seems to be the theme.

[rebuildyourruins]

[It does. Thor nods once, staring into his own mug on the counter. After a moment he speaks again.]

There wouldn't have been much they could do. Thanos destroyed the ship not long after you died.

[dothelokimotion]

[ thanos always had a way of rendering loki meaningless. ]

They saved you.

[rebuildyourruins]

They did.

[Thor might have survived the blast and the drift in space, but he wouldn't have lasted that way forever. He knows that.]

And they wouldn't have come at all without that message.

[dothelokimotion]

[ and that does soften the blow enough for loki to look at thor. ]

Good. That's all I wanted.

[rebuildyourruins]

Yeah. I know.

[Loki had made that clear, though it still sits terribly inside of Thor, like a rock in his gut. There's only so much death he can swallow, it seems.

He picks up his coffee again and has another sip, cutting his eyes over at Loki.]

[dothelokimotion]

[ loki hesitates. ]

Are you . . . angry over my choice?

[rebuildyourruins]

[He nearly chokes on his coffee, coughing a bit before slapping the mug down on the table.]

Am I-- what?

[It's definitely the most emphatic reaction Thor's had to anything since their awful first day back. He gapes at Loki for a moment before shaking his head in disbelief.]

You think I'm angry about it?

[dothelokimotion]

[ loki cringes. ]

No. I don't mean — [ he breathes out, rattled. ] — I don't mean that you're angry at me.

[ but a long pause descends after those words and loki tries again. ]

I think that you don't like that I gave it all up.

[rebuildyourruins]

[There's a helpless beat of silence where Thor can only stare at Loki. As though that will make things more comprehensible.]

Of course I don't. Of course I'm angry at what happened. I'm-- you died.

[What part of that doesn't make sense? Thor doesn't know what Loki is expecting otherwise. For him to be glad it all happened? He can't stomach that idea, knowing where Loki's sacrifice lead. That's his failure, not Loki's. Releasing his death grip on the mug, Thor sets it down before he shatters the stupid thing.]

I don't like any of what happened.

[dothelokimotion]

[ it's a bit odd. being in this situation. loki had mocked thor once, did you mourn? but in all honesty . . . he never really expected it. not really, not like this. he simply figured that . . . no one really should. what was there to mourn about loki anyway? what did he do that truly mattered?

loki had to construct his own myth to feel validated. ]

Of course not.

[ a sigh. ]

Nevermind. Perhaps I am not saying this correctly.

[rebuildyourruins]

Then try again.

[Blunt and simple. Thor wants to know what Loki's getting at too, before he bolts too far down another path.]

[dothelokimotion]

[ his expression twists, with a grimace. ]

I — I don't value my life as much as yours. I . . . imagine that is what was — what could be something that made you angry.

[rebuildyourruins]

[Thor swears under his breath, turning away and gripping the counter with both hands. He had tried not to think about that, even though the knowledge of it lurked under his skin at all times. Knowledge gained from Loki's actions, and his words in this place. It does make him angry, there's no denying that. But all he has lately is futile anger at things he cannot change.]

Yes, [His reply is low, strained] yes, it can. It does. Only I haven't thought about that much, Loki.