action and video.

[rebuildyourruins]

Who: Thor + you
Broadcast: yes, video
Action: First Breath and Blue Fish
When: January 3rd - 4th

closed to Natasha.

[It takes some time for Thor to calm down enough from the shock of his memories to even think about what to do next. He had effectively chosen one thing of importance - Loki - and firmly shoved everything else to the side for hours. To take stock of the rest of it, look his own glaring mistakes in the face, was too much for him at the outset. But Thor isn't selfish at heart. There's only so long he can take focusing on himself before his mind turns to others.

He has to review what he knows from those last shattering moments on Earth with a grim objectivity before he gets in touch with the others. Once he does, it's easy enough to put together some of the pieces from his conversations with Natasha and know she's the one to call.

Not call exactly, but text.]

Can you meet me in the Space Bar?

[He briefly considers saying something else, bracing her for what he wants. There's no way he can think of to put that into text, though, so he doesn't. Once it's sent, he heads over to the Iskaulit to wait.]

action - first breath.

[Thor hadn't exactly been subtle when he came hurtling through the First Breath the night before, running straight through the ship in full battle armor before shutting himself in Loki's room. And that's where he stayed for a long time.

He does eventually come out though, rubbing tiredly at his face and heading into the kitchen. Thor's been here enough times to know where everything is. After a few moments of staring blankly at the countertops and cupboards, unreality threatening to unmoor him, he shakes himself and smacks the coffee pot onto the stove.

He'll be there for a while, drinking coffee at the bench and gazing vaguely at some fixed point on the wall. Still in full cape and mail sleeves. The bone-deep exhaustion in his face might have something to do with it.]

action - blue fish.

[Thor returns to his own ship during the day, knowing abstractly that the Fleet is due to depart this world soon. In the past he would prepare for this, restocking the food supplies and ensuring everything in the armory was locked back into place and accounted for. That was when the ship had more crew, and he hadn't yet become captain. Still, it needed to be done. Regardless of how unworthy he feels when he enters his own bedroom and sees the captain's bed in there.

Thor can be found stacking up crates in the cargo bay, checking through the fridges and freezers, and doing systems checks. Later on, he opts to sit on the top of the ship, watching the snow fall in silence.]

video.

[It's not the sudden reappearance of the short, jagged hair Thor used to sport or the incongruous brown eye where his eyepatch usually is that most dominates Thor's face when the video switches on. It's the weariness etched in hard lines all over him. There's no mistaking it, regardless of his otherwise composed demeanour. He merely nods at the camera before he starts, gruffer than usual.]

For those who knew her, Riona Cousland Theirin has left the Fleet. She was here for over three years, so I know she will be missed by many of us.

[There's a pause as though he might say more, but decides against it.]

The captaincy of the Blue Fish has fallen to me in her place. If you have any questions about that, you can bring them to me. [Thor shuts his eyes briefly, shaking his head.] Or... anything else.

[No doubt there might be some. He switches off the feed.]

Comments

[shroudedsecrets]

[The cat makes a sound, though seems more interested in the fact that Thor hasn't made any attempts toward acknowledging him yet beyond their staring contest. Even the food being ready was not enough to distract from that just yet, or he just doesn't mind making Haggar wait despite asking her for food in the first place.]

... it was an idle thought.

[Up to his interpretation. Conversation was not, exactly, something she was skilled at.]

[rebuildyourruins]

Oh. Huh.

[It had sounded more meaningful than that. The cat continues to stare at Thor so he tips his head to the side and points at the food bowl. In case he hadn't somehow noticed the food.]

I've never lived any other way, so it's just natural to me.

[shroudedsecrets]

That in itself is something of a choice.

[The cat knows the food is there, but he stands and turns around in a circle, sitting right back in front of Thor.]

... I see that he has become so used to receiving attention that it must surprise him when he does not.

[rebuildyourruins]

I suppose so.

[Well, if this isn't a contrary creature. Kova finally gets his way though when Thor leans forward and scratches the cat under his chin.]

I haven't spent a lot of time with cats, to be honest. Do they usually want attention?

[shroudedsecrets]

... This one does. I cannot speak for how others may act.

[But that was her fault, for being unable to give her own attention to him properly until recently, and he'd sooner make her wait for it.

At least the cat seems pleased by Thor's acquiesce, sniffing at his hand.]

But perhaps it is because you have been here more often that he wishes to know you.

[rebuildyourruins]

[Thor's gaze flickers back at to Haggar, with a tired smile.]

Yeah. I need to be with Loki at the moment, so I've been back here a lot.

[shroudedsecrets]

... I am aware.

[Little escapes her notice, even if she seems to lack a presence.]

It is good that you are here for him.

[rebuildyourruins]

[He's less certain of that. Thor and Loki have always needed their own space lest they drive each other mad, and in recent years it became much harder to figure out what Loki genuinely wanted from him. Thor is here for Loki's sake, yes... but he's equally here for his own.]

Yes. I hope it is.

[shroudedsecrets]

[To be fair, Loki hasn't mentioned his connection with his brother too much to her, other than the fact that it seemed more positive than what he had with his parents.]

Is there a reason that it would not be?

[rebuildyourruins]

Oh, we tend to argue a lot. It can be aggravating to share the same space too often, you know?

[Maybe she doesn't. Maybe other siblings aren't so prone to explosive outbursts as he and Loki are. Maybe Loki being dead would erase their usual petty squabbles. There's a lot Thor doesn't know.]

I am-- sure he'll let me know if I'm being a pain.

[shroudedsecrets]

... Perhaps.

[She does not know. At least in regard to siblings. She cannot even remember if she has any of her own or not, nor has it occurred to her to wonder. But the sentiment is understood in other ways.]

Stay away from topics that would bring... an argument. It is better for him to have your company than not.

[rebuildyourruins]

[Thor snorts weakly, straightening up again and letting Kova go about his business.]

It's hard to find those, but I take your meaning.

[shroudedsecrets]

[The cat finally seems satisfied by the attention earned from Thor, and gives a low meow in his direction before scampering over to his dish at last. And allowing Haggar to finally stoop to pet him.]

He is the sort of person who appreciates when one... makes an effort that they might ordinarily find difficult.

[rebuildyourruins]

Yeah. We have... we've been doing well lately.

[Then this happened, and blew it all to pieces. Thor's hands ball into fists on his knees before he forcibly turns himself back around to the table, grabbing his coffee mug for something to do.]

I am doing my best regardless.

[shroudedsecrets]

[She watches him, this restlessness, frowning thoughtfully. She does not know enough to pry and yet she finds it disturbs her despite him being a stranger.

The twins fault again, no doubt.]

The burden upon you seems... great. You may be doing your best under the circumstances, but your stress will only increase if you keep at it the way you are.

[rebuildyourruins]

What else can I do?

[It's a genuine question, though a bit rhetorical. He speaks to the table rather than to Haggar.]

I cannot fix what has happened at home, especially not while I am here.

[shroudedsecrets]

No... you can not do that.

[She's still petting the cat, but she pauses in her own tenseness. The consideration of going back, of time slipping forward, while losing what she has found here. She does not like that. It makes her uneasy, when it happens to others.]

But... you have here, for whatever it may be.

[rebuildyourruins]

[Silence falls for a long while as that sinks in. Yes, here. The Fleet. A mess of captivity, idle hours and friendships he would have never made otherwise. His feelings on the Fleet used to be so simple. Now they can't be - now the Fleet has Loki whereas his own universe doesn't.]

I hated this place. I still do. I do not hate those trapped here or the time I've spent with them but it is still a prison keeping us from our homes. But-- [He stops, raking his fingers through his hair, shoulders tense.] --now it's done this.

[Brought Loki back.]

[shroudedsecrets]

A prison it may be, but it is yet a reprieve from your... circumstances.

[Because they could not yet control the circumstances that brought them here, a power that could displace even gods from their own times.]

You are still here... together.

[rebuildyourruins]

Yeah.

[It's quiet. Thor doesn't know yet how he feels about it all, how he'll cope with knowing this could end at any moment. But he can't deny the relief he feels to have Loki back in any form.]

And that is not nothing.

[shroudedsecrets]

... It is not.

[She agrees softly, resuming her careful petting of the cat.]

How that affects your priorities here... is your choice.

[rebuildyourruins]

[His mouth twists a bit, remembering what he had previously spent time doing here. Preparing for Asgard's arrival on Earth.]

My priorities will already have to change. I cannot continue the way I was before.

[shroudedsecrets]

Having that as a realization is... a start.

[She half glances up at him again, studying his expression.]

[rebuildyourruins]

[Remorse is written there, etched into his skin. At this point he's fiddling with the mug again for something to do with his hands. He does need to change his actions here, if only because he can no longer work for a goal that isn't achievable in the near future.

It occurs to him he'll need to clear out his office. At least that's one task he can do easily enough.]

A start... yes. I just do not know to what end.

[shroudedsecrets]

... you need not make all these decisions at once.

[She's quiet for a long moment. It's an odd conversation. But she knows all too well the struggles with having a deeply rooted mindset.]

If you are too focused on an end... you lose out on the beginning.