[ video ]

[ananym]

[ there's a pretty vampire, looking into the camera curiously before speaking. ]

I have been meaning to ask. Is there anything that you have learned here that has changed your lives?

Comments

shame alucard is several centuries behind mental health

[ananym]

Not much. I spent most of my time in a singular location.

[ and probably will, depending on what happens with the castle. ]

Re: shame alucard is several centuries behind mental health

[permanentlyexhaustedbird]

Perhaps that's it though, the appeal is something different? If you're usually in a singular location?

[ananym]

I am enjoying the change in scenery.

[ but it hasn't changed anything about himself. ]

But I am not looking for anything in particular.

[permanentlyexhaustedbird]

It's a start? You were interested in travelling well now you're travelling? so the next thing that catches your interest or thoughts like that just I don't know, dive head first into it?

Never know what you'll learn or get out of it.

[ananym]

[ soft and dry, not without humour. ]

Involuntarily. But I suppose we shall see.

[permanentlyexhaustedbird]

[Tim shrugs again.]

Make the most of a shitty situation? Clouds and silver linings and all that jazz.

[ananym]

This is not what I'd call a "shitty" situation.

[ like. far from it. ]

[permanentlyexhaustedbird]

What would you call it then?

[I mean is it just not the right word? or does he actually want to be here?]

[ananym]

Captivity without purpose. At least in my eyes.

[ but you know. no one's wiping out humanity and no one seems to be dying. his standards are low. ]

[permanentlyexhaustedbird]

See captivity without purpose sounds like the definition of a shitty situation to me but I suppose we each have our things.

[and Tim's standards are slightly skewed]

[ananym]

No one seems to be dying. And they seem invested in keeping us comfortable.

[ and they're all kept in relative comfort. ]

[permanentlyexhaustedbird]

Okay yes, it's not a worst case scenario but that doesn't mean it still doesn't suck.

[It might be because he's new but he's not ready to just forgive a kidnapping]

[ananym]

[ his brow furrows. ]

You are an odd one. You encourage me to look into traveling while trapped but also say that it is a terrible situation. Should we make nothing of it then?

[permanentlyexhaustedbird]

They're not mutually exclusive statements though. It is a shitty situation being kidnapped with no way to return but at least if we're going to be out here. We can take advantage of the time to do things you want. In your case, some self-reflection perhaps?

[ananym]

Even self-reflection requires purpose.

[ otherwise it's simply aimless. ]

[permanentlyexhaustedbird]

Isn't self-reflection usually about self-awareness and how to better oneself then? Isn't be a better person a purpose on its own?

[ananym]

It can be. But it is not what I need. I have tested the steel of my willpower and have not balked at the most difficult of tasks.

Being a better person is not dictated by who I am. It is dictated by what I do. Hence why I talked of what change could come here, in this place.

[permanentlyexhaustedbird]

Then go do good things?

[Tim isn't seeing what the problem is here? This guy wants to have a purpose, then go out and find purpose. You don't learn anything or better yourself at all by sitting about and talking about how you should. You go out and do it.]

[ananym]

[ his brow furrows. perhaps he's not explaining himself well. ]

But that goes back to my original point. Can change happen here? If people come and go to the whims of our overlords, are they remembered?

[permanentlyexhaustedbird]

Ah, it seems I missed that part of the conversation. I suppose that is a thought, striving for change is a bit different when you know you won't remember it.

[Tim seems to get lost in thought contemplating that]

I wonder if physical changes stay? if it's just a mind wipe or a turning back time sort of situation?

I don't like to be idle though so I'm not sure it's going to change what I do here. Sitting stagnant would drive me crazy.

[ananym]

What is it that you do here?

[permanentlyexhaustedbird]

Officially? nothing.

Unofficially I'm just keeping busy, still working out what I can understand of the systems here, training with crewmates and other fleet members.

Also searching for a purpose here, I guess.

[ananym]

[ alucard nods. ]

My purpose before I came here — It was all-consuming. It would have burned the heart out of me.

Now, I feel bereft without it.

[permanentlyexhaustedbird]

What was your purpose before you came here? If I can ask?

[ananym]

You may. It is no secret.

[ alucard's slow, delicate cadence does not skip a beat. ]

My father is waging war on humanity. He intends to wipe them out. I cannot allow that to happen.