driftfleet | [video] March winds and April showers

Who: Mantis and you

Broadcast: Yes

Action: Bishop

When: Today

[You might smell a special kind of hot coming from the kitchen today. Not mere heat of gas or electric stove or warm food, but the old school kind that tricks the body into thinking it’s in pain. Mantis is standing at the table with a bag full of chips and several bowls in front of him. There’s a lot of bottles of plastic and glass with all manner of spices in them. The contents of each bowl are stirred with a spoon unique to each one. Just off to the side is a bottle of milk.

Slowly, carefully, he takes a chip out of one of the bowls. It’s covered in a fine powder and he lifts his mask out of the way to smell it. Then he breaks off the smallest piece and pops it into his mouth.

The coughing is almost instantaneous and he slams a fist onto the table before grabbing the milk and taking a great mouthful and holding in in there for a good half a minute. Then he swallows and wipes his mouth with the back of his hand.]

All right. That worked. [He coughs again and nods at the camera.] Vash, I have several batches for you to try. I’m working on arranging them from a general sense of safety to one that will make you feel like your tongue is bleeding. [Cough. He takes another swig of milk.] I hate spicy food, but this is the most effective means of testing what I made without involving other people first.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Most of the scientists around here are the tinker with toys variety. Maybe two off the top of my head could get a start on that kind of experiment, and I know one of them is insane.

[He sits down and waves his hand vaguely, setting the bowls to drag themselves into a straight line.]

It's still food. [He's just going to sip it now.] And I am not eating these kind of spices ever again.

Well, saddle up then, buddy, because you're talking to a culinary scientist right now. So stop, I dunno fucking wrecking yourself and explain this little experiment of yours before you puke on screen. I'm not on this network for that sort of content.

One time I eat the bad spice blend and suddenly I have people clamoring to protect my esophagus. [He actually laughs, quiet and actually quite jovial.] All right, then. My own specialty is psychology, so I'm still kind of proud that I succeeded at this.

What do people call you? I am Psycho Mantis.

Well, yeah? Even if I don't know you, watching some dude choke out on my TV ain't exactly my jam.

[But also? Holy shit that name.]

Is that like? Your Christian name or just a [He bites his lip, trying not to laugh] like nickname or moniker or something?

You're a better person than me. I would offer one, maybe two tidbits of advice and watch the show.

[He laughs louder, at least until it sets off some coughing again. Oh sweet precious milk...]

More Eastern Orthodox, and it is my codename. I earned it.

[He's going to ignore that comment about him being a "better" person. He knows that isn't true, but he also doesn't want to get into why he hates seeing people eat things that make them sick.]

And thank the gods. [He laughs heartily.] Can you-- Can you imagine the parents that would give their kid that name? "Oh, yes, dear, let's name him after your father: Psycho."

[Everyone has that Thing that they will avoid talking about at all costs. Mantis has many Things he will dance around rather than address in a sound and sober mental state.]

I shudder to think of what kind of world would produce such a custom. [He rests his chin in his hand.] My whole team was like that: Revolver Ocelot, Sniper Wolf, Vulcan Raven, Decoy Octopus. Our leader was Liquid Snake.

[okay nope, he's losing it. Taako bites his lip and then snickers, then devolves into laughter.]

Liquid Snake? Holy shit. Holy shit. These are like? The best codenames or the worst pornstar names I've ever heard.

[His laugh turns into a hissing kind of noise. He nods quickly.]

They really do, don't they? Liquid insisted on adapting this ridiculous system his father used for his own military group.

Oh my gods, it's a legacy thing, too? Two generations decided that using ambivalently pornstar names for a military organization was a good idea? Holy shit this is amazing.

[Taako's laughter pitches and he thumps his leg, trying to control himself.]

Sign me up just for the naming conventions. I'm so here for this now.

I didn't pick him for his family history. His personality stood out almost as much as his father's legacy.

[He shakes his head.]

His father's original codename was Naked Snake. He got it for being dropped into a dangerous solo mission with virtually no supplies.

Now that is definitely a pornstar name. Naked Snake? Could they get anymore on the nose with that?

It's get better. He was officially designated by his government as Big Boss. He is a legend of many kinds where I come from.

[He's wheezing from laughing so hard.]

Ohhhhhhhh my goooooooooodssssss, that's just too good? That's-- I can't believe they never stopped to think-- [He dissolves into giggles again.]

Holy shit - the porno plot just writes itself at some point.

Not something I would watch, but looking back on history makes me wonder what people were really thinking in the moment. Especially Big Boss. There were rumors of him absolutely losing his mind at some point.

What, seriously? That's. Kind of sad actually? That sounds shitty.

[video] March winds and April showers

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