driftfleet | 004 to sleep, perchance to dream

Entry tags:

004 to sleep, perchance to dream

Who: Sansa Stark
Action: Marsiva like everyone else, alas.
When: 7 February

( Being a social sort of person, Sansa's current confinement on the Marsiva has been more than trying on her patience. She's had her memories invaded and hasn't been able to spend time with Tyrion the way she likes to at night. She hasn't been able to have training with Jim or Bucky. She hasn't been able to meet Kogarasumaru for tea or Leia to chat. She hasn't even been able to work on Akeldama's fine coats as much as she wants.

She is, overall, wholly unhappy with the situation.

The Atroma, being a cruel sort, had not provided her with any of her needlework to occupy her time. They did give her a warm shawl she'd gotten in the last system, though, and a pair of fuzzy slippers. She takes both with her to the main room and tries to find a book that catches her fantasy. Unlike Tyrion, she's no reader, and she wishes there were cards or a cyvasse board to better occupy her time. She picks one and pages through it. It turns out to be unwieldy, though, and not the romantic fantasy she'd prefer. And, as such, she ends up falling asleep with the book on her chest, startling when she hears someone come up alongside her. )

I'm awake, I swear it! I only dozed off for a moment.

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She'll be fine, I'm sure. And very happy to see you when you get back.

_{[ He patted her hand reassuringly, mostly sure of himself in that he
was right. Atroma could be cruel, but not quite that cruel. ]}

I would love the chance to meet her though, when we do get back.

Oh yes, she'll be happy to see you too. I think Tyrion is still wary she might eat him even though I've told him several times Lady has no interest in nibbling on my lord husband.

( Sansa gives Jim an appraising look, trying to decide if he's the best person to ask this question of. She trusts him, no doubt, so perhaps he will be. )

Jim, if I were to...want to make Tyrion aware that I was interested in somewhat more than holding hands and kissing, how should I go about that? I've never had a proper relationship.

_{[ Oh. Well. That... was not a question he had ever thought to have
Sansa ask him. He didn't brush it off or treat it lightly. Knowing Sansa,
this was not a particularly easy question, and he wanted to treat it with
the seriousness it deserved. He was quiet a moment, thinking on it. ]}

Well, there are a lot of ways to go about it, but we need to find one you are comfortable with. That's the most important part, especially when it comes to things like this.

_{[ He gave her a very serious look. ]}

Seriously, Sansa. You do not have to do anything you do not want. You are allowed to say no, and you should if you aren't comfortable.

_{[ That out of the way... ]}

In all honesty, directness might the right approach. Tyrion is... well, I'm sure you know, but definitely undervalues himself. I don't know that he would believe you if you went about it in some coy or roundabout manner. I think you should sit with him and have a frank discussion about where you would like the relationship to go, between the two of you. No need to be graphic, of course, but having an honest, open discussion with him.

He does seem to sell himself short. I only ask because I've been in his calibration and I saw that he wants children with me. I want children too, when we're not here in the Fleet, and to have children I'm eventually going to have to lay with him.

( It's not Tyrion she's afraid of, though, only the act, and her fear of the act has diminished quite a bit since she's started casting Tyrion in that role instead of having nightmares about Ramsay. )

And I want to, very much. I want to be a normal woman who likes that sort of thing.

_{[ He frowned softly, reaching to take her hand and squeezing gently.
]}

Sansa. Listen to me. There is nothing wrong with you, okay? You do not have to want sex to be normal. It’s perfectly fine not to. And it’s perfectly fine to want to as well.

And you don’t have to start with full intercourse either. You two could work up to that, start with more intimate touching and other forms of pleasure. No need to dive in head first, so to speak.

I just want to know how to broach it with him and I know you're friends. I know it must be strange for me to ask this of you when I am his wife but...the last thing I want to do is make him think I'm trying to trick him.

( It's a very delicate thing, talking to Tyrion about intimacies, and she wants to be sure she goes about it the right way. )

_{[ He made a soft sound, shifting in his seat. ]}

No, I’m actually touched you trust me enough to come to me about it.

But I still think it’s best if you broach the subject with Tyrion first. If I do and say you came to me about it first, I think that will make it harder for him to believe it’s you who truly wants this. After, if he’s still unsure, I think I could speak with him.

No, of course. He should hear about it from his wife first since it's his wife who wants to lay with him, not his friend.

( This, at least, sparks a smile and a bit of a giggle escapes her. She wonders if she's ever going to feel something other than giddy and stupid and girlish where these things are concerned. At least it's better than being afraid, which she's been before. )

_{[ He laughs with her and pats her hand, sure she will be all right.
It’s Tyrion who’s the real worry. ]}

Just be honest, Sanasa, and I’m sure it will work out. And if not, call me and I’ll knock some sense into him.

Well, I hope it won't come to that. I hope that everything will go all right and he and I will...both get what we want.

( Sansa colors a little and tips her head, laughing softly. If nothing else, she thinks Tyrion wants it. )

I think he might be as afraid of it as I am, Jim.

With someone he cares about? Absolutely. I think when you care about someone and you do that sort of thing for the first time, it is pretty scary.

But I'm sure you two will be fine and find your time together most satisfactory.

I only know of one person who betrayed him. I don't know about any others but I know that...well, he's told me many times that it's different thinking about laying with his wife instead of someone he's hired for the evening. I think that he thinks he must not be worth it.

( Sansa sighs a bit. )

What he doesn't understand is that he very much is worth it. Honestly, I should never want to be touched again and here I am, trying to figure out how to ask him to do it.

_{[ He was quiet for a long moment at that, rolling his words carefully
over in his head before he spoke. ]}

I don't think Tyrion has heard those words very often in his life - that he's worth something. I think he's probably been told the opposite, for a very long time. Which makes it hard to believe when someone actually does say it. I think what you both need is patience - with yourself, with each other. And to give yourself permission to.

_{[ He took her hand again, squeezing it. ]}

Don't rush. You'll get there - both of you.

I know. It's just the waiting that's agonizing. You'd think, being married, that I wouldn't be afraid of him rejecting me. As much as it's a marital right for a husband to bed his wife, there's an element of wanting...well, wanting to be wanted.

( Sansa supposes it's much the same with Tyrion. They both have issues with this sort of thing. )

It's natural to be wanted - in many ways. I think everyone wants to be wanted, in some fashion. It's natural. And I think he's as afraid of rejection as you are, that you say you want him, but once you get down to it, well -

_{[ He shrugged. ]}

I have faith you two will figure it out. You both just have to convince each other of it.

It wouldn't be a rejection of him, though. Merely fear of the act itself. Perhaps if I made that abundantly clear, Tyrion won't be quite so worried.

( Sansa hopes, anyway. She touches Jim's hand. )

Thank you for listening. I'm sure you have little interest in the bedding of your friends or lack thereof.

_{[ He squeezed her hand lovingly, patting it for good measure. ]}

I am glad to be of help, Sansa. And I think you are on the right track - being honest with him, being open. Communication is key to a good relationship, after all.

And I want you to never be afraid to come talk to me, either. Anything you need, I'm here for you.

( Sansa kisses him on the cheek without a moment's thought. Jim is a dear friend to her and one of the first friends she ever made in the Fleet. She doesn't know what she'd do without him. )

I'm glad you let me ask you such silly things and don't judge me for them. You're a good friend, Jim, and a true one.

Keep that in mind during out next defense lesson and I've thrown you over my shoulder.

_{[ He smirked and patted her hand, letting go to stand. ]}

Between you and Bucky, there will not be a part of my body without bruises. Tyrion will have to tell the two of you to go easy on me.

( Sansa laughs at that image, her diminutive husband telling off two very tall, broad men. )

If we went easy on you then you'd never learn anything. So he can tell me, but I won't.

_{[ He bumped his fist against her shoulder gently, smirking. ]}

It might affect his chances in bed if I'm all worn out. Then he'll certainly want to have words with you, Jim Kirk.

( Sansa cannot help but laugh at the image, though, cheeks going bright red. )

He'll have to find creative and pleasing ways to make you less so then, won't he?

_{[ He continued to smirk. ]}

( Sansa blushes deep and gently pushes at Jim's shoulder with the heel of her hand. )

You're just trying to embarrass me now, Jim. Honestly. I suppose everyone in the Fleet will know when we've finally...you know.

Well, I am your big brother now, aren't it? It's part of the job description.

And maybe. We might even through you all a congratulatory party.

_{[ They won't. He's just teasing. Unless you want them to, Sansa.
]}

004 to sleep, perchance to dream

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