driftfleet | Action | Who needs a gosh dang drink??

Entry tags:

Action | Who needs a gosh dang drink??

Who: Steve and everyone else who just needs to get drunk. One closed to existing CR
Broadcast: No
Action: The Iskaulit/Space Bar
When: Post Calibrations/Bombing the eff out of Marsiva

[OPEN]

Tony would probably be proud of Steve, if he were able to see him right now. He'd slap his back and welcome him back to the world of inebriation while ordering shots for everyone in the bar to commemorate the day. As it is, though, Tony isn't here and, without him, there's not a damn person who would feel proud in this entire bar. That's part of it's charm.

Steve sighs and swallows his fourth drink. It's strong and alien and somehow enough to give him a strong buzz but not enough to really get him drunk. Not yet, at least. But he's not a quitter, so bottom's up! He hisses a little at the burn of it and feels, not for the first time, like he was being a coward. He saw some stuff in those rooms, sure. But other people had it so much worse. Saw so much more. He should really be thankful, actually.

But he's not. And this is a 30's approved way of getting over trauma. There were worse ways of coping, he was sure. So for now he's just going to stay in his seat and keep ordering drinks until that elusive drunken state hits him once more.

Should only take another hour or three.

[CLOSED TO EXISTING CR]

No one could blame Steve for starting. He'd messaged his friends about fifteen minutes ago, telling them to meet him at the bar for some drinks. But just sitting here, waiting? It was done better with a drink in hand to look social, at least. And it's not like that one is going to be his last. No, after Calibrations he can imagine himself coming over here quite often. He can imagine all of them coming here quite often, in fact. But maybe tonight (today? Space was hard to judge) would help take some of the sting off. Or at least some of the awkwardness.

But it wasn't as though they <i>chose</i> to share all of that. Loki, Steve is sure, would have preferred to keep his death to himself. And Thor? I am sure half of those memories were things he'd rather not have replayed over and over again. And <i>Hux</i>. God... That was just what Steve knew of. Who knew what other people had put his friends through? What they'd been through themselves?

Steve preemptively orders another drink for whoever shows up first. Whoever it was, he's sure they won't say no. Not now.

First round is on him.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Steve looks over at Nat and smirks a little. "Ya know, one of these days I'm gonna surprise you." And that day is going to surprise him all the more since his friend knows him better than he often knows himself. He looks back at the shield and wonders what it had seen, here. What he'd done with it. What Sam had.

In another universe, what Bucky had.

"What else have you got here? Enough to open a museum?"

"Oh... by now, probably." There are more things in Natasha's room than most people would expect. And for good reason. For months after Natasha arrived in the Fleet, she'd kept her space spartan. As time passed, that changed. They visited more systems, and she collected souvenirs, tools, new clothes. More than that, though, people had left.

There are journals that aren't hers, various mementos, and a fair amount of storage containers.

"Sam's wings are under there too."

Sam. Steve bends for a second to see them but then he decides he doesn't want to. Even having Bucky back doesn't make him not miss his friend. The two of them had searched for Bucky together, had fought together... It had been nice having a best friend again. Just like it hurt to know he'd missed him and there was no guarantee he'd see him again anytime soon.

"I'm surprised you didn't take them for a spin." He'd been curious himself, now and again. "I bet you've thought about it."

"Who says I haven't?" Raising her eyebrows. It's a bluff; she hasn't taken them out. Partly because there hasn't been a great opportunity. She hadn't been in a hurry to run out and explore the trash planet, for example.

But she also didn't want to all that bad.

"You could probably take them out if you want. Doubt he'd mind."

"If you went flying and no one took a video, I'm gonna be mad." Steve waves off the offer for him to take them though. They belong to Sam an until they go back to him, Steve figures they're better off with Nat than with him. Otherwise it's just a constant reminder.

"How long has he been gone?"

"Since last summer." It's less raw than some of the other losses, though knowing he's one of the missing after Thanos's attack makes it impossible not to feel some regret.

Under other circumstances, Natasha wouldn't worry much at all. Sam is smart and can take care of himself.

"Around the same time you left last time."

It's still odd to know he was here before and has no memory of it. Just like Bucky has no clue he and Natasha were together, Steve has no idea if he'd been with someone, before. If there's someone walking around who missed him. Friends he's ignoring. Enemies who have a chance with him.

But maybe Nat would.

"Is...there anything I should know? About that last time? You know. People I forgot? Relationships?"

"Are you sure you want to know that? Might be better not to know." Natasha imagines she knows the answer. It's not hard to guess, considering Steve's experience. "Might be better off not knowing. Start fresh."

"I don't want someone out there seeing me and feeling what...everyone here seems to feel when they're forgotten. It's my memories. Gone or not, I wanna know." He looks over at Nat and, yeah, her concern is making him worried about what she's going to say, but that doesn't make him want to back down. Shocking, he knows.

"Probably you've already met most of them who are still here. The ones I know about, at least. Kitty, for example. She's been here through a lot. But she's used to this by now too." Which doesn't make it more pleasant. "I'd say you were friends."

Edited 2019-03-21 02:22 (UTC)

"She mentioned something to that effect when we met," he agrees. "It can't be easy for her to have had to introduce herself to me so often. I wish I could say this is the last time, but who actually knows?" That's not so bad, really. Kitty and he are already getting along well once more. Everyone else must have simply gone when he did. Sam. Bucky. Tony. Peggy.

"I don't know if it's better or worse that she's used to it..."

"Doesn't have to be one or the other. It makes it easier, and it's sad." Natasha's got to that point too now, she thinks. But Kitty's been here longer. And so many people have left.

"You've heard about Peggy...?"

He nods. "Vision and Loki said she was here. Was happy. Even got married." It warms him a little to know she was so happy even if she and her husband got separated again, whoever he was. Which... actually...

"Is he still here? Her husband?" Christ. He can't imagine the sort of pain that would cause. A wife ripped away without warning? Steve winces just at the thought.

That derails Natasha's train of thought, getting him a long, flat stare as she studies his face. She's not sure for what. There was never any chance he was lying.

Why would he?

"You don't know?"

Nothing good comes after 'You don't know?' Rapidly, Steve starts trying to think of worst case scenarios. The problem is he can't think of anything nor anyone it would have bothered him to know Peggy married.

Unless...

The idea puts ice in his chest. It would have been incredible. Everything he'd ever wanted. But to then...forget? No. No, he wouldn't...

"No..."

"The last time you were here," Natasha says in a deliberate voice, knowing she's confirming the worst case scenario. "You and Peggy got married. It was shortly before both of you left, though you were together for quite some time before that. You even talked her into bunking together eventually."

See, Steve? This is why it's usually kinder not to drag this stuff up.

Steve's mouth opens in a small 'o', eyebrows knitted over his nose. He shakes his head slowly, refusing to believe this. Not because he didn't want it to have happened but because it did and he forgot.

Steve turns and faces a wall as he collects himself. Peggy. Peggy was his wife. For a brief moment they'd been married as he'd always dreamed they could have been.

And he forgot.

"She didn't want to bunk together?" His voice is cracked and this is clearly the safest thing for him to ask about. Steve's head bows forward, eyes clenched shut.

"Worried it would seem unprofessional." And Peggy Carter was nothing if not intensely professional. She'd taken her role as captain of the Starstruck very seriously. "Eventually, the two of you broke down and admitted you were crazy about each other."

Steve can't look at Nat. All he can see is Peggy in his head. He laughs at the answer because, yeah. That's Peg. That's Peg all over. "Christ..." His jaw goes tight as he keeps his eyes shut, imagining what it must have been like for them to finally come together. Finally be able to have a life.

"Did she leave anything?"

"Not that came to me." She'll find his hand and hold it, giving a supportive squeeze. "You were both idiots. When I first got here and saw the two of you, saw how you looked at each other, I figured you were already together. It wasn't until later I found out you had cold feet—afraid to lose each other again. To let yourself want something and relax, because you might lose it again. But after a while..."

She shrugs and adds wryly: "Peggy didn't love me sticking my nose in your business at first either."

Steve can probably guess how Natasha had responded to the pair of them, both with a second chance, and both sitting on their hands and holding their breath rather than enjoy what they had while they could. Not like Natasha's been shy about getting Steve a date in the past.

He laughs and scrubs at his face before finally turning toward Natasha. "The same thing I've been worried about since I got here. At least I'm consistent." His laugh is completely empty and Steve walks toward Nat's bed to plop onto it, heavy. His eyes focus in the middle distance, still seeing what might have been.

"At least we got over it..." He smiles, wondering what the wedding was like. He won't ask because a big chunk of him doesn't want to know. He had an image in his head of her in a gorgeous dress, walking through the doors of the church. The truth won't be that. And he'll only forget someday again.

"I should write a note for you to keep. Just in case there's a next time: 'You waited too long already. Time for something new.' "

"Don't take this the wrong way, but I'm hoping not to have to do this again." Once has been enough. More than enough. No wonder James had been so tired of it in the end. He'd seen so many people come and go—including his best friend time and again.

"You could try not to do it again now, if it comes up. Though I guess I wouldn't mind kicking you again if it does."

Steve hopes she doesn't have to either but they both know he can't make that guarantee. Instead he just offers a grin. "If Peggy shows up, I'll see how the chips lay. I figure until then I'm safe from having to make that call."

He doesn't even know what he'd do if she shows up. He still can barely be around Bucky without knowing gut-deep that they'll be separated all over again. He can understand why he held off on more.

"Feel free to kick, though."

"Probably." She pauses, then sighs, joining him on the bed. Where he landed heavily, she barely seems to put her weight on it. It's not normal. Normal would be relaxing with Steve. She's with one of her closest friends in one of the places she can feel at least somewhat safe. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you about that before. I should have. Just never seemed like the right time—I didn't want to do it on the Marsiva..."

"Don't," he insists. "I don't know how I would have told you if the roles were reversed. Please, don't be sorry." He nudges against her, trying to put her at ease, here. "I was still dealing with Bucky. Bucky's. It's a good thing you didn't add that on top."

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject