driftfleet | ( open ) you are cordially invited...

Entry tags:

( open ) you are cordially invited...

Who: EVERYONE!
Broadcast: Nope
Action: Jim Kirk and Victor Frankenstein's wedding, and everyone is invited!
When: March 30th

The Bachelor Party (( CLOSED to invited CR ))

The evening before the wedding, Jim and Victor gather up their closest friends, admittedly not many when they haven't been on the Fleet for that long. Bachelor parties would usually happen in separate, but that's difficult to do when they share so many friends, and so they decide to throw the party together.

The setting is simple but cozy; they've picked out a small pub in town, and reserved a rustic little room in the basement. There's a large table with a few games, most notably a chessboard, and a sitting area with couches and chairs gathered around a coffee table, in front of a lit up fireplace. On a small bar by the corner there are a few drinks on offer, both alcoholic and non-alcoholic, and on a table next to it there is a selection of snacks and various kinds of finger foods to make for a light but hopefully filling dinner.

Courtesy of Kirk 1.0, there's also a music system and a microphone set up next to the sitting area, and you know what that means... karaoke! It's guaranteed to be more fun the drunker you get. Speaking of drunker, someone will definitely be tossing around the idea for strip chess, so hopefully you won't get too embarrassed if people start losing pieces of clothing. But hey, at least everyone's a winner.

The party will go well into the night, and Jim and Victor likely won't leave until everyone else does. So feel free to stick around, play games, sing songs and get drunk... if you get really drunk, you can always make yourself comfortable on one of the couches and fall asleep there. (The patrons can just kick you out eventually, it's okay.)

You Are Cordially Invited... (( OPEN to everyone! ))

The preparations were rushed and the invitations sent out in a bit of a hurry, but it's not like there's ever a lot of time to prepare for a wedding, when one doesn't want to do it aboard one of the ships. But everything seems to be well put together, and there's a very rustic and homely feel from the moment you arrive.

The ceremony proper happens at the lodge, a spot that has been set up with a few seats and a set of stairs leading up to a small canopy, all of it decorated with white fabric and an abundance of flowers. It's short and sweet, and after vows are exchanged and a few words from the one performing the ceremony (hopefully no one will find it too weird that it's the other Jim), they slip on their rings and share a kiss, delighted to let the celebrations continue onto the reception.

With Jim and Victor taking the lead, the guests are walked across a bridge, lit with candle lanterns, strings of white flowers embellishing the wooden frame. The good portion of the reception is outside, and everything is decorated with lanterns, string lights hanging everywhere and resembling stars more and more as the sun starts to set, and (yes, you guessed it) more flowers.

As a matter of fact, there are flowers a little all over the place. In jars hanging from trees, tied to the backs of chairs, bundled up in crates that are spread out all over the area. The food is set up on large tables, divided by starters, main dishes and desserts, the wedding cake having its own smaller but more prominent stand near the dessert table. There are no assigned seats, however. After all, everyone was invited and it's not like there are that many people on the Fleet, so just grab a plate, help yourself, and take a seat wherever! You might even find a few of the locals joining in on the party a little later, but both grooms seem more than happy to welcome them too.

The party goes on a little into the night. Everyone is free to hang around for as long as they want, or leave early if you're scared of the dark...

but don't worry, there are lights all over the place! There are also plenty of cozy little nooks and corners where guests can make themselves comfortable, and if you start to get a little chilly, feel free to borrow one of the many blankets on offer, or simply head into the indoors portion of the reception. It's small but there are a few seats and even a fireplace to keep the place warm.

If you like sitting by a fire but would much rather stay outside, a small campfire will be lit up just before the sun starts to set, and a small table with plates of something that looks close to marshmallows, chocolate and biscuits set up nearby. Have a seat around the fire and build your own s'more, and toss in a campfire song or two if you're feeling inspired.

And of course, can't have a wedding without a dance floor! Or two, as it so happens: one indoors, and another one outside, the latter far more enchanting, with endless string lights hanging high above a flat wooden platform.

There's a fairly modern music system so you might recognize a lot of late 20th and early 21st music playing, but for those more musically inclined there are also plenty of local instruments you can pick up and try your luck at playing a song, or even sing.

The party is very loose and carefree. Do what you want, come and go as you please, steal either of the grooms away for a dance, or find a pair among the other guests... whatever you want to do, and however long you want to stay, feel free to do as you please!

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

You'd deserve it, jerk.

[Steve had gotten into the role of following with Loki so he slips his hand around Bucky's shoulder and holds his hand with the other. He's still scowling and still looks like he's itching for a fight, so the whole thing looks sort of silly. But whatever. He's not backing down.]

Look. Buck. He's a friend. If you weren't here, he and Nat would be the people I trust more than anyone else in the world. I want you two to get along.

He's not replacing you, if that's what you're so bothered about.

[And Bucky, who is used to leading, doesn't really hesitate in taking up the right stance for it, especially when Steve slips into the right posture to follow.

Besides, having a conversation with Steve while his best friend looks ready to bite somebody's nose off is pretty much par for the course. Even if Bucky can't hide the way he stiffens when Steve goes on, because -] I'm not worried about him replacing me, I -

[Fuck. He's already an impostor, right? He's not the right Bucky for this Steve. Somehow, even the right Bucky's insistence that he doesn't care if they're friends doesn't make him feel a whole lot better, at this moment, so he covers it up by getting them moving in time with the music.]

I just don't trust him. It's great that you do, but I don't, [he says quietly. Natasha, he knows. He's worked with her long enough, and fought on the same side with her. Loki is a complete unknown, except for, you know, the attempt at world domination less than two weeks after they dug Bucky out of the ice. If more has happened... he just doesn't care to wrap his head around it right now. He's got enough to worry about, trying to keep two Steves straight in his head.]

Then trust that I can take care of myself. I could at ninety pounds and choking on my own lungs, I can now.

[Moving with Bucky is different than with Loki. With the other man, it was easier to forget the fact that he was dancing with a fella. Loki was a prince and had danced with plenty of men. It was almost a cultural difference more than anything else, there. But here? Bucky and he grew up in the same place. They knew guys would get bashed in for doing what they were now.

They both knew what it meant. For other people, sure. But still.]

What are you worried about, here? He'll steal my virtue? He'll hypnotize me?

[His hand grips Bucky's shoulder more firmly, eyes narrowed as though daring him to agree.]

What is the worst that can happen?

[Bucky snorts a little, but it's almost good natured, for a moment.] No you couldn't, Stevie.

[He says it fondly, even as he thinks about all the times he'd stepped in for Steve - and maybe a lot of those, Steve probably hadn't known about. But suddenly that feels like a blow that's too low, and he glances away a second later. He doesn't say sorry, but he kind of wishes he could. For a lot of things.

And Bucky knows how this might look to somebody else. They're at the wedding of two fellas, and while that's still a strange, new, foreign concept, he's done his best to roll with the punches since he woke up. It's not a thing that gets people arrested anymore, even if it's not necessarily a thing for him.

But right now, it's worth it, because at least Steve is here with him - and that little thought definitely makes him feel guilty and horrible, because it's a nasty little one that he probably shouldn't be having.]

I don't know, [he shoots back. He knows he's being unreasonable and he almost just shoves Steve back and steps aside, but doesn't.] I told you I'm not your keeper. But I'm your - I'm trying to be your friend. Even if I'm not him.

[The other Bucky, he means, though maybe that doesn't come out so clear.]

[It's clear. Steve's blood boils and he stops in the middle of the dance floor to glare daggers at his best friend. How can he still think this? How can he have talked to Steve's Bucky and thought that they had a single thing in common? That there was some sort of place that he couldn't fill?

Steve doesn't let go of Bucky. His grip tightens in his fury.]

You better hope that's not true because, yeah. You're not him. You're not him because you're Bucky. My Bucky. The one that, when I get ripped out of this place, I'll never have ever again. Don't you get that? [More and more Steve has been accepting it. That his Bucky is gone and that he'll need to relearn who his friend became. There was no rewinds. Nowhere but here.]

Loki gets it. He gets that this is all we have. When we go back, he dies. Bucky dies. I...lose you. Again and again. And I won't even remember I had you.

[Just like Peggy. Just like so many others who have come and gone. Disappearing like ash.]

Don't...don't make it seem like you're less. You're not less. And you piss me off but...Christ, Buck. I have you back, right now. I have you back.

And you better hope I'm a good judge of character because in the future, I only got myself to rely on.

[Stopping is just fine - yeah, it makes the fact that they're arguing more obvious, but it's probably what Bucky would have done, if Steve hadn't already.

And yeah. He knows. He knows he doesn't have anything in common with Steve's Bucky, and he can't ever forget it.

But - fuck. There's a whole lot he's suddenly realizing he didn't know, because - ] What do you mean, [he demands, quietly.] What do you mean, Bucky dies - Steve -

[Okay, screw trying to pretend to dance. He does pull away - but only with the arm around Steve's waist. The hand holding his tightens, and he veritably pulls Steve off the dance floor, looking for some quiet corner where they can really talk without people staring at them.] What else don't I know, Steve?

[It's not that the rest of what Steve said has gone unheeded. Bucky heard - oh hell yes, he heard - but he's got to focus on one thing at a time, or he'll never make headway. He sure feels like he's trying to swim upstream against the current.]

[Steve shakes his head as they move off the dance floor and into a quiet corner. If Bucky didn't have the serum he'd probably have a broken hand, now. He doesn't want to talk about this. But at the same time...yeah. he does.]

There's a...man. Thanos. Alien who is bent on culling half the universe to fix overcrowding. We fought him and...we lost.

Bucky was part of the half that disappeared. Right in front of me, just like...

[Like last time.]

I haven't seen it yet. I was told. I know it's coming. And I know I'll find a way to fix it. But...

[His shoulders sag.]

I don't get why it's my lot in life to keep losing you. Even here. Even here I can't...help but keep in my head that it'll come to an end. And I won't ever get you back. Not like how you are, now. How you were.

[Bucky just feels like his stomach is dropping out from underneath him, like he's falling too far too fast, the more Steve talks. The more he explains. The more he bares.]

Oh - Steve -

Shit. Steve - It's not - I already said I wasn't going anywhere, [And he knows he'd said that, but he also knows what he'd just said, about not being the right Bucky. And he knows, on top of that, how many people Steve has lost. How many people, it seems, he's going to just keep losing.

He reaches out with his free hand to tug Steve back in to a one-armed hug. It feels like the only thing he can do, seeing Steve just deflate like that. Honestly, Bucky's anger has pretty much run out of him, at the sight.] You know, it's probably not healthy, or some shit. To want things to be the way they were.

[But the thing is,] I want it, too, pal.

[He will do anything in his power to bring his own Steve back from what happened to him. But he knows that, just like the other Bucky, Steve will never be the same. He'll never be this man again, the same way the other Bucky will never be him again. And it feels selfish and awful, but at the same time, he can't not say it's what he wants, too.]

[Steve let's go of Bucky's hand to hold onto him tighter. Both arms wrap around his middle and for a second he just presses his face into Bucky's shoulder. Something he hadn't done since he was five, before he learned that he couldn't allow himself to be so weak.

He had a good run while it lasted.

When he pulls back, his forehead doesn't quite clear Bucky's. He just presses them together, feeling his friend close and real. Alive. Here. Wanting the same things he did. Wishing for the impossible, just like him.]

When you died... There was so much I never got to say. Fuck, I thought I'd choke on it all. I wanted to. I wanted it just...to be over.

Part of me was glad when the plane had to go down.

[His head tilts, blue finding blue.]

You're...not replacing anyone. And no one can replace you, Buck. You're not a substitute. Please. Tell me you understand. Tell me you know.

That you knew then what you mean to me...

[Bucky doesn't say a thing for a minute - just lets Steve lean against him because he knows - he knows - how hard it is for Steve to do that. How he never likes showing weakness to anyone, and how Bucky's long been the only person he might even potentially crack in front of. Far be it from him to discourage it, even if he absolutely wishes there were no need for it. But Steve's life has never been easy - neither of their lives have been - and he gets it. He really, truly gets it, and Steve's maybe not the only person who gets something out of the touch, the same way Bucky's not pulling back for the world, even when Steve leans his forehead against his and is almost too close to look at without going cross-eyed. He'll manage.

He'll manage, because,] I know, [he says, softly, because - he does. He knows what it felt like, to watch his best friend go over the side of a mountain, and to just... be done. Be done thinking about the end of the war, about going home afterward, to have all of that swept out of the train with the man who meant the world to him. Bucky knows what it was like, to not really try all that hard to land the plane intact. He knows the relief of pushing the yoke forward, even as he knows the terror of dying, cold and alone. It's nothing he would ever have wished on Steve, but at the same time, it means something - everything - to know it's not just him that knows what it's like.]

I mean - you're sure as hell Steve, [he says, by way of answering, almost laughing a little because it's true. This is Steve, and he's not a substitute or a replacement. He's just Steve, the same as the other is. It doesn't come down to right or wrong, his or someone else's. It's just Steve.]

Pal, you fuckin' went what - a couple dozen miles behind enemy lines - because you thought I might be there? [Bucky knows - he knows that Steve did that for him. He knows what the papers all said, about liberating hundreds of men. But he knows, deep down, that Steve did all that for one person, because that's just fucking Steve. And it's as overwhelming now to think about as it ever was then, the same as he knows that he killed all those Nazis, and didn't feel an ounce of regret, because they would've killed his best friend if Bucky hadn't put a bullet through their brain. He shouldn't have felt so good, so justified, in taking lives, but when it came down to anyone else or Steve...

But the thing is... that's not a thing you just do. It's something else. It's - big. Really big. Everything about Steve feels too big, all of a sudden - too big and too real and,] I feel like we ain't exactly normal. I mean -

I'm not sure we ever were.

[Not normal. It's a way to say it. Steve turns the two words over in his head, wondering if he really did agree with that. Because, yeah. Yeah he'd gone behind enemy lines for the captured soldiers and rescued them, but he was there for Bucky. He would never have gone if James Buchanan Barnes hadn't been on that damned list and the bottom of his stomach fell to the floor.

He can't remember another time when his vision tunneled in like that that hadn't had something to do with Bucky. He pushed and he fought and he did the reckless things he needed to for a mission. But when Bucky came up? When his face was looking at him on a bridge. When Steve dropped his shield and faced death. When Rumlow aimed for his most glaring weakness and all else flew out the window. It was all for Bucky.

And yeah. Maybe that wasn't normal.

Steve's face moves back, serious as his eyes trace every line of Bucky's face like he was about to start painting. Like he didn't know it from heart. His hand came up and pressed against Bucky's cheek, thumb brushing the skin.

He remembers Shannon, then. Remembers how she'd looked at him and how he'd wanted something more. To not be so alone. To have a connection to Peggy and something good before everything went to shit. Steve doesn't feel that way now. He doesn't want something. All he feels is the pull he's had his entire life towards his best friend.

And maybe that wasn't normal either.]

Buck...

[There's too much to say, suddenly, and not enough air to say it with. He ducks in, wanting to see just what it feels like. If this would feel wrong or right or.... something else. It's a draw. A pull and it feels like a culmination. Like this is what should happen next. What he wants to have happen while he still has the chance to have it. Something just for him.

And so Steve kisses him.

It's soft and chaste, over almost as soon as it starts. Steve's whole body vibrates with it. Yearns to go in for more. But his mind is catching up with his impulsiveness and it's reminding him just how queer Bucky isn't. How shit like this people got punched for.

How saying something wasn't normal has many explainations and this was...maybe a leap. A really, really bad leap.

Steve pulls back and looks at Bucky's clavicle to avoid his eyes.]

I... Sorry. Weddings, you know... [He clears his throat] I guess it underlines one of us being a little extra not-normal, huh? [He'd meant that as a joke. That he was being silly and stupid as always. But after it's out he realizes it could also sound like he was coming out as queer.

But he doesn't take it back.]

[The crazy thing is - Bucky doesn't see it coming. He doesn't fucking see it coming at all, and yet it's like the most obvious thing in the world, suddenly, at the exact same time. Steve's lips are on his - and then, just as fast, they're gone, and he's left blinking and half-wondering if that even actually really just happened, or if he dreamed the whole thing.

But no. There's Steve, inches away now and not looking him in the face. There's Steve, whose lips just touched his, and Bucky's dumbfounded in the same instant that he suddenly feels like a blindfold has been pulled off his eyes.

Because that's the thing - that's the thing. That's the word he keeps skirting, even in his own fucking mind: He loves Steve Rogers. It's simple and clear, and it all boils down to that. He loves Steve - this Steve, his Steve, it doesn't matter. He's always loved him, but it just... never felt like it could be something like this. For so long, he's loved Steve like a brother, and guys just didn't do that - not without getting arrested, or beaten, or killed. So it was never an option, never a thing he'd thought about - and he isn't sure he is queer, because that's what this would be, but if this isn't normal, then - ]

Steve - [Bucky hisses, and lets out a breath that comes out at the tail end like a laugh, because,] What - that is the shittiest excuse -

[Weddings his ass. But no, the rest of it doesn't exactly escape his notice. The way Steve says extra not-normal, like he's trying to joke about it, but - ] Steve.

[If he's about to say anything more, though, he stops as he grabs for Steve's hand again and starts towing him in the direction of the nearest door. Yeah, there's a lot of the reception going on outside as well as inside, but at least outside feels less claustrophobic, less like anyone could be watching and listening. In fact, Bucky tows Steve to the very outskirts of the reception, trying to get them as far away from any other partygoers as he possibly can.

Then he continues with what he was going to say, almost like there had been no interruption at all:] Is that really how you feel?

[Because no. He doesn't know why Steve just kissed him, but while he knows that question is probably a stupid one... he doesn't want Steve suddenly feeling like he's backed himself into a corner. Because he does that, sometimes - does something and then decides he's got to stay the course, stupid or smart. This is not one of those times that Bucky will stand by and let it happen.

Not when it could mean so much more.

Part of him feels awful, putting it on Steve to explain himself. But Bucky just - he just needs another second. Just one more second, to figure this out.]

[He could lie. He could keep his newly-formed thoughts to himself and lie. But Bucky would know. He'd always know. So instead he says nothing at first. Just let's the quiet of the night surround them.

They're alone out here and Steve feels like he's been presented a question with no right answers. After all, Bucky's reaction to the peck was to drag him out here and get an explanation. Not all that encouraging. Just like in the past when he'd ask a girl out and her eyebrows would meet over her nose. It meant she was trying to figure out the best way to let little, sick Steve down.

Just like now, there was the grace of privacy, at least.

He opens his mouth and closes it, still debating his answer. This was his best friend, after all. For better or worse, he was only going to have him for a small amount of time. He could make that sacred time fraught with discomfort. Or... Or he could be honest. Face this head on and not spend the next however-long wondering what Bucky would say.

He makes the call with a sharp exhale. He is Steve Rogers, he reminds himself, chin tilting up and his face set. He can face this. He can face anything.

He has to. And he had to answer.]

You're an idiot.

[He wants to look away but fights it. He'll keep eye contact as long as Bucky does.]

Know anyone else that would let their best friend kill them instead of fighting? Mighta taken me awhile to connect dots but.

Yeah. That's how I feel. [His eyes are sharp, unapologetic and already getting ready for a fight.] It doesn't have to be a problem unless you make it one.

How'm I the idiot? [is the automatic reply, but really, it's not the important part here. Bucky feels rooted to the spot, his eyes locked on Steve's face, as Steve goes on. As Steve refuses to look away, because of course he does - it's Steve. He doesn't back down. It's not in him, and in a way, Bucky's sort of counting on that.

Because Steve's a shitty liar. Bucky would like to think he'd know if he was lying.

And he's not.

It's - funny, almost, the way Steve is so brutally honest; but it's really, really not funny, too, the way he looks and sounds like he's expecting Bucky to have a problem with it. Like he's expecting Bucky to fight him on it.

Like he's expecting Bucky to walk away - like Bucky could ever, ever do that.

Even if this will end. But it doesn't have to end right now. That's the whole point of what they'd said, in that bar a month ago. They're in this, together - and Bucky had meant that. He knows Steve had, too, the same way he means what he's saying now.]

I didn't say it was a problem, [he says, quietly. Because the truth is - what Steve said? About letting his best friend kill him instead of fighting him? Bucky knows he'd do that, too. If - when? - he faces down Steve on a helicarrier... he isn't gonna fight him, either.

And he isn't gonna fight Steve, right now. And that shoots this weird, terrifying thrill through him, that knowledge, even as he still isn't sure it's the right move. He's really not sure it's the smart move. But then -

This is Steve. And that means it doesn't have to be smart - hell, it's probably not. But that doesn't make it wrong. It can't be. Not when it is Steve, standing here and admitting this to Bucky now.]

What're we doing about it? If it's not a problem.

[That almost sounds like a dare right back; there's almost a challenge, a smirk, under his voice, if you know where to look, under something that still feels like shell shock.]

[Steve's eyes go wide because he has no idea what the answer to that is. What are they going to do about it? Is that Bucky saying he was okay with it? That he felt the same? That he didn't but it wasn't a problem? Steve is stuck in a limbo of possibilities and the fight drains away into a quiet panic. Not that anyone would see it except maybe Bucky. To everyone else he just likely looks pensive.

With big, round eyes.]

I guess...that depends?

[The fact that he's already kissed Bucky doesn't make the chance of it happening again any less daunting. He almost can't believe it happened at all. Can't believe what he's felt for Bucky all these years had passed as normal friendship when, looking at it now, it is anything but.

He'd turned his back on all his friends for Bucky. Had hurt Tony and fought him for Bucky. Had dropped his shield. Had crossed enemy lines. Had jumped through fire and had almost plunged down into an icy ravine. All for him. And he'd thought it was normal.

Steve swallows and finally his eyes go to a normal size and look down.]

It doesn't...we don't need to do anything about it. If it's not a problem it can just stay as not a problem. We can just ignore the whole thing. Carry on. [Because the fact of the matter is that] Nothing's really changed.

[He sucks on his teeth a second, jaw clenching.]

So yeah. We can just keep going. Unless...you wanted something to change?

[There. Not quite a dare but definitely a ball swung back into the other court.]

[Bucky just... almost gapes for a second. Because,] You really think you could just keep going? [His own tangled, confusing feelings aside, Bucky knows Steve. And yeah, he knows Steve would do what he says. But he also knows how hard it would be for Steve. He doesn't hide things well, even if he is a master at ignoring things that he wants. Things that might be good for him.

Because Bucky doesn't know if this would be good for him - for them. But he does know that ignoring it sure as hell wouldn't be. Because,] Fuck, Steve. I'm not Agent Carter. [And he doesn't mean that as an insult to either Steve or Peggy, but,] This ain't the war. There isn't an after to shoot for. There's no picket fence on the other end.

[The crazy thing is, it sounds like he's trying to talk Steve out of it, when he really kind of isn't.] Ignoring it would kill you. I know you. And I'm not gonna do that to you.

I don't fuckin' know what to do about it, but we're not ignoring it.

[Because it all comes back to the look in Steve's eyes. That had been real, actual panic, and fuck being the reason Steve ever gets that on his face. Bucky loves Steve too much to ever want to be the reason for that look, and... that kind of answers the question for him, if he thinks about it for five seconds, doesn't it?] You want this, pal. Why shouldn't you have it?

[Why shouldn't they have it? God, it feels like they're going to get beaten up and arrested at any second; Bucky knows it's not true, but it's a hard feeling to shake, as he steps a little closer, closes any space between them.] If this is it, then what the hell is the point in doing nothing?

That's not enough...

[There is a critical piece missing from all of this and it's what Bucky wants. And Steve's no stranger to sacrificing what he needs to for other people. This is no exception.]

Look. Buck. I'd rather have you just as we are now than not at all. And I don't want you forcing yourself into something that you don't want. I'm fine... I'll be fine. What we have is enough.

[And he means it. Their relationship means everything to him. But still, Bucky steps closer and Steve's hand can't help but fall to his hip, holding him there.

Wanting. It had been so long since he'd felt that drag of want. It felt good as much as it felt terrifying. It takes everything in him to not press their foreheads together again. The action had a different meaning now.]

Just having you here is enough.

Steve. [Bucky blows out a frustrated breath. Leave it to this big dumb blonde punk to not be able to take a hint - but Bucky should've known. He's going to have to spell it out. Which was never hard, in front of a dame - but it feels impossible, to admit to Steve. And it shouldn't be. It shouldn't be, but it is, because this is something he's felt his whole life, and just never expected would morph into anything more. Never expected to feel again, really, because Steve was dead - only he's not.]

You're not gonna lose me. Do I look like I'm walking away? [He opens with that, but then he stops and takes a breath, blows it out.] On my birthday. When you said I'd almost died. The way you looked -

I almost kissed you right there. [It's hard to admit, like he's got to force the words out. But it's true, even though he'd immediately tamped down on the urge, figured it was ridiculous, meant nothing, couldn't figure it out at all. But he remembers, vividly, looking at the loss and fear on Steve's face, and wanting to kiss it away. He'd thought it had come out of nowhere. But he guesses it really hadn't. Not with the floodgates open, and Steve admitting he wants this, and Bucky realizing that if he could just stop being so damn scared for five seconds, he kind of wants this too.

It's... weird. He doesn't want this with his Steve. And he doesn't know if Steve would want this with his Bucky - and, selfishly, he's too scared to ask. But he wants what Steve wants - to grab whatever the hell this is with two hands and live it, and he is not some doormat dame who's letting it happen without any say. And if Steve thinks that - well. Steve is an idiot.]

I've got to spell it out for you, don't I, [he sighs, very put upon, though the truth is, of course, that's just a front and maybe Steve even knows it.] Let's fucking change. I want to change, okay?

[He snorts a little, softly, and loops an arm around Steve's waist, too.] I swear to god, I used to be good at this shit. I don't know if it's different with a fella. And you're my goddamned best friend.

[He has no idea how this works, but it's not like that ever stopped Steve, so why should it stop him. He's been trying to be more like Steve since the idiot went and died.] I want you to be happy. I want to be happy.

[Finally, Steve smiles. He relaxes even though he shouldn't because this is the beginning of his problems, not the end of them. He and Bucky will need to figure out what this means. They'll need to figure out if their feelings were enough to sustain a real relationship. Steve will need to figure out what a real relationship was. But for the moment, that was a distant concern.

Right now, Steve just grinned and frees his other hand to grip Bucky's cheek and lead him into a firmer, more confident kiss than before. He lets it linger, getting used to the feel of it. When he pulls back that smile is still all over his face.]

That's the first time I've kissed someone more than once.

[A sad but true fact that makes him release a bit of his tension through laughter. Steve's thumb traces Bucky's cheekbone, touching places he's never been able to linger in, before.]

And yeah. You gotta work better at wooing fellas. Took this long for me to even know you weren't tryin' to let me down.

[Teasing. Familiar teasing and a familiar body pressed closed to his own. Steve can hear music, distant and slow. He can imagine going back out there and dancing even though the old-fashioned part of him itches at the thought of people knowing they're not just messing around. The rest of him wants to show off, though. Really, who wouldn't want to?]

How 'bout you work on your lines and see if you can convince me you're worth the trouble? I heard about you, Bucky Barnes...

[His face warms.]

You steal hearts.

[Bucky laughs softly against Steve's lips.] Yeah, I can tell.

[Honestly, it could be worse. It could be a lot worse - and frankly, Steve's probably kissed someone in the much more recent past than Bucky has, which only serves to turn things more upside-down, on top of the way Steve's touching him. Part of Bucky's brain is screaming that it's supposed to work the other way around, but part of him also really doesn't mind, letting Steve take the lead, because that's just how it's always worked. Steve leads, and Bucky follows. He's pretty sure that he might need to do some leading of his own, in the not-too-distant future, so he can certainly give Steve this one for now.]

That's because you're the idiot who isn't used to people saying yes - and it's a fuckin' shame, and I always thought so. [Because Bucky knows just as well as Steve does how many times he's been let down in the past. How many girls have turned him down, and how he doesn't deserve any of it.] For an optimist, you're always expecting to hear the worst, pal.

[None of which is working on his lines, but then again,] I don't have to say anything smooth - you're already smitten, punk, [he says softly, with a gentle, warm smirk.] That's your mistake - you led with how you feel. Now I already know, and I don't have to work for it at all.

[Which is an utter lie. Steve deserves somebody to put in the work. And Bucky can do that. He can. Because,] Wanna make it another record, and go for three?

[Which is clear baiting, and maybe a little sneaky - because if Steve does, Bucky's slipping him some tongue. Steve's probably got a lot to catch up on, but fortunately, he's a fast learner. Bucky already knows that.

And besides. If Bucky jumps right into the deep end, he can't freak out either. So it's good for them both.]

[Steve laughs and this should be harder but it's really not. And that more than anything seems to show him how right he was about this move. It's almost natural to move back in and kiss Bucky a third time, nipping his lip in retaliation for the teases. But then Bucky slips in the tongue and...yeah. Yeah, okay. He's very quickly not thinking about anything else.

The deeper kiss lasts longer. Steve understands now why some people would kiss until they're literally gasping for breath. Even though he pulls away before that, he still feels like there isn't enough oxygen in the room. Everything's funnelled down to his best friend and his warmth close to Steve's. He puts both of his arms around his neck, now. Head tilting to the side.]

Smitten, hm? Coming from the fella who wanted to kiss me weeks ago?

[Steve bumps his nose against Bucky's, playful in a way that also should have been harder to fall into. It feels like second nature. Steve scratches his fingertips into Bucky's short hair, pulling lightly on it.]

You're gonna have to keep me around. Once the shine wears off and I remember how bad you short sheets you're gonna need those smooth words to make sure I don't find another hundred-year old to date.

[Date. Christ. Date. They're dating now. Bucky was his boyfriend. His face breaks into a hopelessly fond smile.]

[Bucky's lips curve bemusedly against Steve's, as the other seems to catch on quickly to why kissing can be so nice. Bucky's never kissed a guy before tonight, but he's quickly discovering that it's really not so different from kissing a dame. It feels a little different, sure - they fit together a little differently, and Steve's the tiniest bit taller, and that's fucking weird. But the actual mechanics are identical, and that, at least, is both comforting and enticing, because Bucky likes kissing and he'd also like to think he's damn good at it.]

Shut up, Steve, [Bucky murmurs, digging his fingers into Steve's side playfully.] Your face is already dumb enough, don't make it worse by letting words come out.

[But fuck, Steve's really not ruining anything at all - he's got his hands in Bucky's hair, and that feels good. He's practically manhandling Bucky into another kiss, and that's far more thrilling than Bucky might be quite ready to admit to himself, just yet.

Short-sheeting your bed is part of my charm, [Bucky points out - and yeah, he's feeling the same thing. Flirting with Steve should not be this easy - but the thing is, it's definitely not that hard. And it's definitely not that different from most of the stupid conversations they've had, and that fact sinks this all a little deeper into his bones, settles it better, makes him suddenly wonder if this really isn't just something that should have happened a long time ago.

But it didn't, and it couldn't have, and he knows it - and while he could choose to regret that, right now it doesn't seem like it's worth the wasted time.] Maybe if you'd stayed short, you wouldn't have a problem with it.

[Steve and Bucky are...still Steve and Bucky when they are kissing. Steve barks out a laugh and punches into Bucky's shoulder before slipping it around his neck again.] If anyone is letting dumb out, here, it's you, jerk. Don't forget that the stupid follows you around, pal.

[Their last conversation in Brooklyn. The sour feeling he usually gets thinking about it is gone now. Instead it's replaced with the bubbling excitement that it wasn't their last, anymore. There wasn't any concrete lasts. For all he knew, he could drag Bucky back with him and have him in Brooklyn once more. Or maybe they'd find something similar out here.

There were possibilities open that hadn't been before because he hadn't had Bucky. And now he does in every way.]

If I'd stayed short I wouldn't be able to push you around so easy. I'll take the trade off, Buck.

[As though to prove it he uses his body to push against Bucky's, walking him backwards nearer to a close tree. His heart is beating out of his chest with the forwardness of it. With someone else he wouldn't even joke.]

I think you don't mind either...

Yeah, and the stupid's name is Steve Rogers, [Bucky points out smugly; the last time they had this conversation isn't lost on him, either, but for him, too, it feels comfortable and well worn, instead of sharp and painful. It's felt that way largely since he got here, since he'd started hanging out with Steve... and really, what is this, except for a different kind of hanging out with Steve?

Or, suddenly, hanging on to Steve, as he starts walking them toward a tree, and Bucky snorts.] You just like pushin' people around with that giant body of yours. I didn't say anything about whether I liked it or not.

[But he's not professing to not like it, any more than he feels the need to point out that Steve probably would have tried to pull the same shit if he were small, and Bucky... probably would have let him get away with it. He realizes that now, even if it gives him a strange, bittersweet, twisted-up feeling to imagine them doing this before the war. He honestly can't, really - not easily, anyway. It would've been more stupid, more dangerous, and maybe he wouldn't have let it happen. Maybe he's changed - maybe the future has changed him, being safe for things like this. He really can't say - but he does know that if he thinks too hard about it, he'll lose the rhythm now, and Steve will notice.

[So he waits until Steve's got them backed up to the tree, and kicks back with one foot enough to use the trunk - and his hands on Steve's waist - for leverage to push himself up an inch or two, until he's off the ground and balanced on the one leg enough that it's about right for their old height differences.] Nah. That's better, [he says, and this time, he won't make Steve be the one who goes in for the kiss.]

[He was smaller for years. Most of his life was spent looking up at Bucky so there's something familiar about how his chin tilts up to see the angle of Bucky's face peering down. His own hands push Bucky's hips to the tree, helping him stay at the increased height.

He makes a soft noise into the kiss, imagining if this was what it would have been like, before. It's impossible to imagine; neither of them would have taken the risk with the other. Not when they could be locked up or bashed. They got punched enough as it was.

But either way, this feels surprisingly good. Steve thrills at the fact that Bucky initiates this kiss and answers it with as much enthusiasm as he can. Hopefully it covers his lack of skill until he learns everything Bucky has to teach.]

You [He's breathless, lips red.] are a punk. You're damned lucky you got me; who else would put up with ya?

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