driftfleet | System Mingle!!

Don't you have spells to make me bigger or something?

[A power bear is technically Magnus right now, considering how he's dressed and how fucking wide he is.]

Farmer's--

[Wait, is he talking about-- oh. His legs. Magnus makes a face.]

Look, it was this or Kevin Smith's huge jorts. I didn't have a choice! Besides, I can't go skinny-dipping, someone might die again!

Oh my gods!

[Lup flings her hands in the air, exasperated.]

It was one time! Are you ever gonna let me live that down?

[Okay so that was apparently something that he should know about that he doesn't? And that?

He holds up a hand to catch their attention.]

First? I will die if you don't get that farmer's tan out of my eyeballs. You're burning my soul with it. I can feel the rays of the sun bouncing off those snow-white legs like a sunning board, melting me as we speak.

Second? Unfair to reference something that sounds totally hilarious when my memory is still in the shitter. [He turns to Lup.] But how the fuck do you die while skinny dipping?

I wasn't-- targeting you, specifically, but I was thinking about it a little--

[He looks at Taako and frowns, scandalized. But he shifts around a bit so basically his legs are in the bush-- which is prickly, by the way-- and his farmer's tan is hidden from view.]

It's not her fault. We all had a dumb death or... ten. The numbers don't matter, what's important is we learned not to do stupid things until we found new stupid things to do.

[Magnus, that doesn't make this better???]

[Lup snorts, turning her attention back to the sheep. She doesn't have much in the way of harmless spells that can save them from Magnus legs, so he's on his own in the bushes.]

It wasn't even that stupid, we were just having some fun. Not my fault the lake monsters come out at midnight.

[A smirk curves across her lips.]

The look on everyone's faces when I floated up as a lich was fuckin' amazing, though. Best reveal ever.

[Taako snorts as Magnus hides in the bush to block the view of his legs. It definitely helps, but since they need him in order to lift the sheep out of here? Nooooot entirely practical.]

Correction - you all had a dumb death or ten. Up until recently, Taako was sitting pretty at eight.

[It wasn't a whole lot better than the rest and he didn't remember any of them, but he'd like to think he didn't die by skinny-dipping even if Lup had.]

Honestly, you're lucky no one blasted your ass twice at that point. [He doesn't know if anyone else knew about the lich thing - Magnus obviously did now - but he isn't about to let the banter go even if he doesn't remember anything. Breaking it now would be a major downer and he's here to steal sheep, not whinge about the memory gaps.

And if he's going to steal a sheep? He can't leave Magnus in a dumb dush with his Daisy Duke shorts. With a wave of his hand, he casts Prestidigitation and the light around Magnus' legs dims a little.]

Also, you can come out now, Mags. You owe me one.

It must've been Cap'n'port's hysterical sobbing that did it.

[He snorts at that. Taako wasn't wrong, exactly, but there's a sort of awkwardness like Magnus expects him to start talking about That One Time on X World and then he doesn't. He can't, because he doesn't remember.

Ah.

Right.

He's still scoping out which fluffy sheep to try sheepjacking when he feels something weird and looks down. His legs are no longer bright enough to act as a signal mirror, and he sticks one leg out just to check.]

Not bad, not bad! But you couldn't just conjure me better shorts?

[His butt is still aggressively Flanders-tight in these shorts but in this case, they'll all just have to deal with it.]

What kind of wizard are you?

He's a humble TV chef, remember? Learn to cater to his whims.

[Technically neither of these things are true, but eh.]

Now can we focus on these damn sheep already, before I set the whole meadow on fire? Because the sooner we get these things back to the ships, the sooner we can make you change your pants.

[More importantly the sooner they can use one for a pillow or something. Gods, they look soft.]

I'm the wizard that's saved your ass so many times already you've apparently decided to take me for granted.

[And a humble TV chef, yes. At least Lup has it right. Minus the humble part. Like.... minus a thousand.

He huffs and turns back to focus on the field in front of them. The ship isn't that far off so it won't take long to get over to it once they have one of the creatures, but the question is how. They could lead them over using grass? Maybe Taako could cast Phantasmal Killer and scare the shit out of them into running toward them?

Taako glances at Lup, then looks over to Magnus and grins.]

Hey, Magnus? My man, my fella? You're a willing creature, right?

[And then he casts Enlarge on Magnus.]

Humble?

[He gives Lup an incredulous look. He's not sure anything about Taako is humble, like, ever, and he's still feeling attacked about the shorts. He looks back at the field so he can start mapping out a route of attack. Sneak into that bush, skirt those trees, then--]

Wait, what do you mean w-- whoa!

[And then he becomes a Lorg Boi. It was one thing, perhaps, to see this cast on the battlewagons. It's quite another to have it cast on himself. Willing, yes, surprised, definitely yes, but with his size comes a realization that he is extremely strong. Even stronger than usual.

And so, giving up a whoop like Tarzan, he decides to just charge right into the flock of giant, fluffy sheep like someone determined to shove their face in a cat's belly. Whatever happens from now on is in God's hands, or something, but as the docile creatures bounce a bit in alarm he doesn't seem to reappear.

If not for Prestidigitation, his white ass legs would be signaling his pals like twin mirrors across the countryside. He erupts from a veritable wall of bright wool with a sheep captured in a chokehold. It's slightly smaller than the others, but this perhaps means it's something Magnus can actually drag around. The funny thing is that it doesn't seem to care about being manhandled, it just really wants to keep eating this patch of grass.]

Who wants this LAMB CHOP?!

[Lup whistles, lifting up out of the bushes to shield her eyes and watch the display, since Magnus just gave their presence away by tearing through the field like a banshee on fire.]

That was easier than I thought it would be! I kinda figured they might flank and eat his ass off.

[She fishes a feather out of her components bag, giving Taako's hat a tap with it before tucking it behind her ear, casting Fly, and zooms over to land on the sheep's fluffy back, close to but not quite near its head, to see if it gets more aggressive.]

So? What's the verdict, Mags? How much do you think it weighs?

[If Magnus tearing out of the bushes like a Daisy Duke'd bat out of hell didn't give away their position, Taako cackling like a madman definitely would have. He leans up against Lup, watching their fighter tear through the flock and pop up with one with the most blase look on its face locked under his arm.]

I mean, I did, too. But only because it's just hanging all out there.

[He snickers to himself and dispels the Prestidigitation so he has an easier time concentrating on Enlarge. It won't last forever, but it'll be enough to get the sheep out of the herd at least.]

If you don't suplex one of them, I'm gonna be disappointed, my dude!

System Mingle!!

joseph and mary too?

only if they're here to ground you

^^^^^

like these three are innocent at all...

yeah but there's two of them and one of you

so they win by default, go twins!

you mean his short jorts dont count as a party member? awwww

jorts only count as a party member when they're attached to barold

no, not even then, lup. your questionable taste is showing

omfg

i have excellent taste at all times, you fool

you're dating a guy who thinks jeans are sleepwear, battlegear, and formal attire