driftfleet | Naviadna Mingle

[Narrowing down a common thread that consistently existed beyond themselves along the fractured timelines seemed the most important factor to isolate, and Honerva is pleased when Lup is able to do so, giving her a small, encouraging smile at the thought of it. This was direct and tangible, to identify a potential source of... help. She can see the shift in Lup's body language, and can tell that there is a deeper significance in all of this. A person following after them, looking after them, and perhaps the only person to know of Lup's current state, by her words... more promising than if she were to have to act entirely on her own.

Presuming it went well and that she could remember that name... and that staff, though she was sure, having felt Lup's soul and enduring that experience it had to be part of her now, even if all else were blocked. The name, and the description of a specter in those red robes, knowing to search for him, that would be the key.]

Marleana 2.0...

[She was not aware of why that name should be so significant, but it sounded promising. It was a chance. A chance for all of them. If she could remember nothing else let it at least be that.

Quieter, though, after another moment of thought:]

This person I am meant to find... he is the other half of your heart, is he not.

[Lup had never said so directly, but there were too many pieces that seemed wanting. Even if this knowledge might be part of what got taken away later, it only seemed right to affirm it in some manner now.]

[Fifty years ago she might have been embarrassed, but... it's been so long since they finally sorted out their feelings and bit the bullet, since they stopped dancing around the truth and accepted it. Even the idea of trying to conceal it feels absurd. It would be far too obvious a lie, no one would be fooled. Least of all her.

And really... how she feels is important, here. To understand her passion, her desire for a reunion with this man whose only goal for a decade now has been to find her, and to make things right for all of them. She wants to see him again, wants him to see her. She wants to hold him, even if they're nothing but undead spectres, and to ease some of the weight he's been carrying alone for so long. She wants him to know that all his hard work has paid off and that they're close, so close, to that happy ending they all deserve.

Just a name and a broken staff, with Honerva's help. That's all she needs.

So she smiles, cheeks pink (from the heat of the water, surely), and runs a finger along the ring of the mug.]

Technically, that's Taako. [Her heart, her other half, her twin. No lover, no matter how treasured or beloved or significant, could take his place.] But he's... he's the journey, I guess you could say. My life's partner. "The One", if you wanna be dramatic.

[Honerva continues to smile once Lup confirms it, endeared, as much as it was ever the more clear, the way their similarities sort of mirrored no matter how one looked at it.]

I thought it might be so. All the more reason, to ensure that you are reunited sooner.

[Because she is dramatic, and at heart, romantic, and she knew exactly what that entailed. "The journey"... it sounded so whimsical and yet so deep, so familiar, startlingly so, and thinking of it strikes a chord within her, one she can't quite ignore, as much as she was ready to put her all into this purpose. Because she knew what that was like. What it felt like, once, the way it simultaneously felt as though it were so long ago and yet not very, juxtaposed between who she was and who she is, from the time and space in between being so detached from the emotions that used to guide her so often... and even from then, sprung her unwavering loyalty, binding and true.

It... hurt. Pain of a broken heart was unlike any other, having had the love of a man who would have done anything for her, and did, to come to this. She feels an unfamiliar sensation stir within, pressure around and behind her eyes, a tightening in her chest, as she gasps softly, looking down into the mug before closing her eyes tightly. She had opened that can of worms herself but she knew, she knew it was important to know, why. To feel why.]

[She doesn't miss that noise, of course; between their proximity, her big ol' elf ears, and the echoey spa room, it would be hard to miss. She turns immediately, resting a hand on Honerva's shoulder in concern.]

Hey... you okay?

[She can only imagine what it might be- depending on how much she remembers, the thought of completely letting go of what she used to have and lost must be awful. If she had to say goodbye forever to Barry, or to a child if she had one? She can't fathom that.]

[There were... flashes. Flashes so quick and bright that Honerva could scarcely grab hold of them to see, but she could feel what they were. What they were trying to show her. Being together with him was what she knew, there was little else she had been able to scrape up at all that wasn't related to her life with her husband. She illuminated his world and he was her rock, her protector, her lover.

What she might give for her heart to be whole again and not lifetimes too late.

She almost misses Lup's question entirely, but she can feel her presence at her shoulder, a gentle reminder that she was not set adrift on this emotional current completely alone, but still had to contest with that ache that would but send her over the falls.

She manages a very small, quick shake of the head, though she felt... strangled, her body tense, hands tightly gripping the mug, as though she couldn't articulate, or something wouldn't quite let her.]

[...Yeah, Lup can sympathize to a degree. Nothing so gut-wrenching as losing her partner forever, of course, but she knows what it means to lose and miss that part of her, that other half. Not just with Taako, but her lover, her lifemate. She's endured a decade without him, and then spent months so close to him but still impossibly out of reach. It's a terrible, lonely feeling, and she's far from over it.

She can't do much until Honerva's willing to talk about it, though, so for the moment she edges closer, keeping her hand where it is to support her, waiting until she's ready. She wouldn't do this for just anyone - Taako would probably gun for a distraction tactic, which might honestly be wiser in some cases - but she knows when it's a necessity. She's had these moments herself.]

[It takes her some time. A considerable amount of silence, of long moments, to allow the emotion to sink in and resonate instead of rushing toward the next purpose. No wonder when such a wave would hit her, it would hit all at once and take her so off guard. She hadn't truly had the safety to do that before, to experience it, and it was...

Scary. Intense, but... she'd set it aside so many times. Felt the pressure of it and wrenched herself toward something else. Distraction. Anything else. But she wasn't alone, right here, with it all, and that made all the difference. It might have swallowed her up right then and there otherwise.]

... this pain, Lup.

[Her voice is soft, a raggedness through the tightness of her throat, dampness at her eyelashes as she blinks, rapidly, but if she could not admit it there then where else? Who else with? Her son would have no part of her, her entire universe would be better off without her presence, she knew this, she felt this. And yet here, there was one person who said there would be a place for her. If they could make it work. If she could trust in that. She had to trust in Lup as she had before.]

I cannot... fully remember the journey we shared... but I feel it. How can I keep any of this close without my heart shattering all over again, every time...?

[An awful question with a lot of weight, certainty, but she never truly did anything by halves.]

[She winces, hesitating a moment, before the hand on Honerva's shoulder slides into an arm around her, tucking her in close. The water makes it easy to move, at least, and she doesn't know if this is the right thing to do yet, but it feels necessary. This poor woman probably doesn't get many hugs.

...Well, neither does she, so at least it's a mutually beneficial gesture.]

I wish there was an easy answer to that question. I've asked myself the same thing plenty of times over the years.

[To live is to endure pain- she's heard such things said before, and there's truth in it. But she's lived long enough and endured enough pain to know that's never going to be all there is. That line needs a few more sentences tacked on if it wants to encompass all that life has to offer.]

I'll tell you this, though. You've lived a long time, so you must understand what that means. You might watch people that you met as a kid grow up, grow old, and then die before you even begin to form wrinkles. When I hooked up with my guy, we were stuck in a cycle of life and death where we didn't age, so it was safe- but even then, it still took me like, thirty years to admit to him that I wanted something more. Because we were gonna end that cycle eventually, and start aging again. And he's human- a middle-aged human. We'd have, what, 40, 50 years together? If we were lucky? And then I'd have to live without him. For like, five hundred years, without my soulmate. The thought of it terrified me.

[At least, with Taako, they were on the same page. Born the same day, they'd always assumed they would die the same day, too- killed out on the road, most likely, or by their own stupid hubris. That's just the way they lived. But if somehow they survived that long, their lifespans aligned as elves. Falling for humans... that's different. Risky. Sooner or later it hurts you.]

I don't have any regrets, though. Getting close to someone means that, one day, you're gonna lose them- that's how life works. Only gods are truly immortal, us sucker mortals aren't so fortunate. But we get to live, we get to take chances and explore and learn about each other. This pain is real, Honerva-

[She reaches up, pressing a free hand to her chest.]

It's real and it fucking hurts and I get it, I do. But it only hurts because what you had was real, too. And what you can have in the future, what you'll experience by living and trying new things and meeting new people- that's real, too. You hold that pain deep in your gut and you use it to push yourself into whatever comes next. That's how you hold together- pain's like, the glue for your bomb-ass future. [She smiles.] Hearts are a lot stronger than you think they are.

[Her rigidness melts away at the embrace. It's absolutely been forever, and thus it is even surprising, if she weren't just in the middle of having a moment here, of... of legitimately needing to fold and just listen to someone else for a while. The sort of question one asks when they need something, anything to cling to, to believe in, that might draw them out and away from that haunted bleakness. And Lup, for all her experiences, for all she was willing to accept, was one such light.

Lup spoke of experiences, to help contextualize it all. There was something there, about the experience of living, from the perspective of being in a cycle where not much changed but one plane to the next, but they still grew from it, still had one another, and that only drove home the lack, the emptiness, that Honerva still felt. The consequences of having being so detached, at being alive and yet not truly living in a deathless stagnation, for an absurd amount of centuries, even throughout her son's growth, she'd missed so much. Lup continues to speak, however, and even smiles and Honerva listens, there, quiet for a few beats.

Glue, really? To build strength from it, to have the experiences hold together, at the core? ...Well. She did have to build anew anyway. And she did not want to scour others with her pain, the way the Emperor had vowed to obliterate anything that reminded him of her from his conquered universe, his weakness. No wonder she'd turned to the stars, even when they had nothing to give.

... But the experiences were real, the pain was real. And maybe someday her heart wouldn't shatter to remember it. If she could but grasp the memories, to see her past self as a whole person. To remember what that was like.]

Just to live...

[It's mostly a whisper, from her still too tight throat, as though what she might really need is a way to relieve these pent up emotions, though she is so inexperienced with even that. Just to cry, just to feel it and breathe, in that moment.]

... seems that I still have a lot to learn... about that.

...Well. [Lup grins, shameless and almost gleeful, but with a layer of softness beneath. Recognition and understanding, and a degree of care that's getting easier to show.] Thankfully you will find no better teacher of how to live your best godsdamned life than yours truly. And my world's not so bad, I think you'll like it when you get there. Lots to do, lots to see, people to hustle, movie scrolls to watch. We'll take you to Fantasy Costco and buy you some magic swag to play with... it'll be great. You'll be so distracted by all the cool shit we've got that you won't have time to dwell on the sad.

[And the when is emphatic, because she's determined, now. They're going to make it happen, one way or another.]

[That sure is a heck of a lot of warmth and confidence that Lup is exuding right there, but most of all she hears that when, the reassurance that she wouldn't be alone, amidst all the other words, said with such a surety that she believes in it, too.

There is still pain of course, still ever so real, but it's less jagged, the more her friend speaks, puts those new ideas out there, making it a little easier to breathe, the more the concepts begin to sound more tangible. Simple, but promising; that was part of it all too, the learning, the discovering. All the more reason to help thwart an apocalypse--hell, probably even two, for all she knew that might be waiting for her elsewhere.]

... yeah.

[A soft agreement, her rare moments of informal speech that she's picked up from just being around them. Her eyes are still damp, but she manages a small smile for Lup, too.]

We have a lot of work to do, but... we will get there.

[Aww, you said a slang. She's so proud of you.]

That's the spirit! And you can grill me about all our weird magic bullshit as much as you want as it comes to mind, my fount of knowledge is endless.

[Not... actually true, considering she spent most of her time on that world in a cave, but she can take a list of questions to throw at Taako and Mags later.]

Then... you can count on the fact that I will have many questions.

[True, there was much she could pick up on in her usual observing way, but there was so much more involved with getting to know a new world, how it worked, what was expected. It was not the first time, not that she could remember that process.

Her smile fades slightly, allowing the levity to pass, and breathes again. There is something she still needs to say, needs a moment to grasp the words.]

... Thank you, Lup. [Another pause, her tone again, softer.] ... I do not know if there are any words that can truly describe... what this means to me.

Don't worry about it, I can kinda get the gist.

[Considering how often they find themselves on more or less the same page? Yeah, she understands. And she's grateful on her own part, so it balances out enough to satisfy even her greedy self.]

You'll probably have to put up with a whole lot of bullshit, not just between now and then but also while we're there, so... info's a more than fair exchange.

... I do not doubt that.

[The understanding is there, and she's grateful for it, the gravitas slipping away once more. She is grateful for a lot, that's right here, the chance of it. Still was a monumental challenge, but so much of life was... but Lup had planted those seeds and made that opportunity real.]

But I will endure, for such a choice.

Mm, good to hear. We'll make it worth your while, then.

[It's not like she'd had her own doubts, but it's still nice to hear it. And she wants this to go well- making the sort of decision like changing your homeworld permanently isn't a choice you get a do-over for. She knows that one by experience.]

[Honerva was still wrapping her mind around it all, this strange sense of... being believed in. Of being wanted. The concept that she could learn to live the life she had at this moment, and keep hold of it, without her pain constantly getting in her way.

Whatever happened next.]

It has not been... a poor way to make a start.

[There probably would be lots of growing pains in adjusting to the others, but, having at least one person in her corner was far more than she would otherwise have. She needed to remember that, as much as they wanted this to work. As much as she needed it.]

[Lup looks unbothered; she can recognize that it takes a while for Honerva to adapt to new ideas, and this one's a doozy. It's fine if it takes some time for things to sink in. Plus that's not even getting into the fact that they need to figure out a way to make it happen... in other words, they've got time.

She plucks another sweet off the plate and pops it into her mouth, sinking back into the tub to relax.]

Wonder if we'll have to give you some kind of backstory. Like, where should you be from? You'll totally pass for an elf, give or take a few quirks, and magic's normal so you can just tell people you're a sorcerer or something, but someone's definitely gonna ask the wrong question eventually... hmm...

[Can't just say New Elfington like Taako, no one knows where the hell that is on that world.]

[Adapting was only part of the battle, with everything else they needed to make work. They needed to use the precious time they had now to continue to sort out the pieces they could at least have some measure of control over.]

A ... backstory...?

[The tea's somehow still warm, and she finally takes another sip of it.]

We need not... complicate the matter. I barely had a story until I learned I had forgotten one, after all.

[Still, this was important to think about, and she's quiet for a moment before nodding.]

My home is... gone. Perhaps I had... lived alone for a long time, somewhere isolated. Forgotten. So no one would have to have known me or where I came from or... what I am missing. The world's since changed, and I did not want to be alone anymore. Do you think... they would accept that?

Yeah, that'll work. Sometimes it helps to have a boring backstory if you can sell it well enough to be believed. Means they won't bother asking more questions.

[Not that she's against Honerva having folks get to know her, of course- but she'd rather they not think she's crazy by going on about being from another world. Baby steps. Learn that she's as crazy as the rest of them in more normal ways.]

It seems safer than coming up with details about places I have never been.

[Pathetic enough too, but at least her demeanor was somewhat less dour than it had been.]

How would we explain our connection?

Believe it or not, that isn't gonna be a big deal- just tell people we went adventuring together. It's not a lie, and it's a pretty common story. It's how all of us met each other, and how Taako met everyone he knows back there, too.

[Adventuring is the thread that binds them all together, really. There's plenty of world to see, and it's too dangerous to go it alone. Folks understand that sort of tale.]

That does seem... reasonable.

[She had enough room for belief, of course, but there was so much about this new lifestyle and perspective to take into account to adjust to, even if some aspects were surprisingly less complicated than she thought.

On that note, there were other things to take into consideration with building some sort of identity.]

Is there anything I should be aware of in regard to elves? Perhaps owing to the fact that you and Taako are not... typical examples yourselves.

[And honestly, her being a bit weird in that department might very well explain why she's attached to them.]

Mm... nothing else really comes to mind. The nice thing about elves is that there's loads of 'em, which means you end up with a wide variety of cultures and customs and families... but Taako and me were never all that connected to anybody there, so you wouldn't stand out much if you were the same way. Just don't answer too many questions, that'll be enough. People know that most elves are cagey, snobby pricks, they'll expect a vague response anyhow.

[She's quiet for a moment, content in the water, and then she suddenly stands bolt upright, eyes wide.]

Oh shit- I gotta teach you Elvish.

[Being vague due to lack of knowledge was certainly something she was accustomed to. Dealing with a larger group would be a different situation than these close quarters the Fleet had given them, but all it meant was that she could continue to keep to herself as she adjusted-- well, mostly, since there was a freedom in being more open around certain people. Her personality was struggling as it was, but that should hardly be more taxing than anything else had been.

She tilts her head at Lup's abrupt reaction with some amusement. Certainly very curious.]

That would be wise. It is... unlikely that my buried knowledge of intergalactic languages would match what is found on your planet.

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