driftfleet | Naviadna Mingle

Entry tags:

Naviadna Mingle

Who: Everyone
Broadcast: If you want!
Action: Anywhere on the fleet or in the system
When: The month of June

Welcome to Naviadna! Enjoy the beautiful sights, amazing technology, and all the other wonderful things this system has to offer! Where will you go? What sort of shenanigans will you get up to? How are you dealing with the planet's insistent singing at you?

Have fun!

(( System Info here ))

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He nods, eyes wandering back to the painting to avoid the judgment (at least, he expects there to be judgment). "I spoke with Wanda about it; she wants very much to stay. I..."

Putting it into words is still difficult. He'd had this problem talking with Wanda, and he made his choice. So why does he still feel guilty about it?

"Agent Romanoff said that what happens at home will happen, regardless of the choices I make here. That I should not be concerned about going home for anyone's sake but my own, and that if I were happy here, I should stay. I am happy here."

He falls silent again. He probably doesn't need to tell the other man this. The Winter Soldier probably doesn't care. But he's here, and he asked, so.

"This is my chance to be happy. If I can have that without abandoning my responsibilities, is it not worth it?"

He doesn't really know what there could be at home for the Vision. He doesn't even know how their lives intersect there; he's only under the impression that they do from the little he's been able to piece together from their conversations here. But he thinks he can read something akin to hesitance in the other man, something that looks like he doesn't quite know how to explain himself.

He could be reading it wrong, of course. But there seems to be something about the words his companion chooses, and the emphasis that he places on them, that seems important.

"You have a responsibility to yourself too, you know." He pauses because he's tried to explain his views once before, to someone else, and it hadn't gone well at all. Even though the Vision has been both kind and as patient with him as possible, he's still not expecting him to understand. "You have a responsibility to your own life, your own happiness. You should want to choose that, especially knowing that your other responsibilities are not negatively impacted by it. What's important is making the decision that you want to make, not the decision that others might think is best for their vision of you."

It might be the most he's said to the other man all at once like this, but he has strong feelings about a person being free to make his own decisions and decide on the direction he wants for his life. No matter what decision the Vision makes, he should make it because he wants to, not because others are pressuring him one way or the other. But the last time he'd tried to explain such a thing, that a man's life should belong to him and to no one else, he'd met more than a little resistance — and from someone with the mirror image of his own face. It was the day he'd given up the name that he hadn't fully remembered as his anyway, the day he'd decided that it was best for everyone if he disappeared as much as could be possible in the Fleet. No one needs his brokenness, not when the alternatives were so much more whole.

Honestly, he's not sure why it's so important for him to ask forgiveness from the people whose opinion he values for staying rather than going home. Yet it is important to him; he's spent all of his life on Earth as someone who was defined by his role as an Avenger, and as soon as he'd wanted something else he'd been ripped away from it and sent to drift in space. Was it a punishment?

Sometimes he wonders.

Either way, his eyes close and he exhales. "It's selfish to do that - to put my own needs before that of the world. Always, it has been true that I had something unique to offer the world, a role that I could fill in its defense."

But then the two people he knew for a fact came from after him in the timeline--and the two he liked and trusted most, aside from Wanda--had both told him it would be a better choice to stay. That the timeline would survive without him. It's a blow to his self-confidence, in a way, but at the same time they want him to be happy. Are willing to give him up in the main timeline, if it means he can be happy here.

"But you are not wrong. I can still help people no matter where I am, and I am better suited to do that if my heart and mind are clear. Going back would give me only regret and tragedy. This is a second chance to live the life that will bring me fulfilment and joy."

He opens his eyes. "I have decided to stay."

"Is it not also selfish of the world to make demands of you?" He knows he's probably speaking from a viewpoint that not many share, and his words are cautious because of it. Even so the Vision seems receptive, and he feels a moment of guilt for not giving the man enough credit. "You can give up everything to the world and for some people that will never be enough."

Of course his own experience isn't giving up, it's having the world give him up, and that's entirely different.

He watches these small movements as the other man makes them: the closing of his eyes, the deep breath. The Vision may not technically be human while he himself is not technically a machine, but sometimes he wonders if they would not be better off with those traits swapped. If he could somehow give up his humanity to someone who might appreciate it more, then he thinks he would without hesitation.

Or perhaps that's the wishful thinking of impossibility.

"You and Wanda deserve a life together. Staying here doesn't mean you're turning your back on anything. Or anyone." He meets the Vision's gaze squarely, sincerity in his own eyes. "Any decision you make for yourself is one I'll support."

"Thank you. That means a great deal to me."

And, because he knows that part will probably get a protest, he explains a little better. "Your opinion is not formed by expectations or societal pressures as much as most others from my own timeline, and yet you do have something of the context of what can happen there. We face threats that many other versions of Earth do not."

He shrugs and looks away, a small smile returning to his features. "But one could say the same about any place; no one planet or timeline or city is without danger. It would not be necessary to give up that part of my life if I stayed, and there are those who would appreciate it."

Because if he did return to his own timeline, he would be abandoning people who care about him and depend on him. People here. Are their needs somehow lesser, because they're not from his "original" home? The Vision thinks not.

"Do you--that is, have you also decided to remain?"

"You know you don't need my permission or my blessings for your decision." Though the Vision probably knows him well enough by now to have anticipated the protest — and it shows in his words. He nods quietly before making his own admission: "I know very little of anything that happens after the point I'm apparently from. I suppose I'm as blank a slate as possible."

It's also an allusion to his mental state but the Vision has always been considerate about not pushing too hard regarding subjects he doesn't wish to discuss.

This isn't about his own mental state though, and most of his attention is on his companion. That smile speaks to something important, to what he supposes is the chance for the Vision and Wanda to have a life together, a continuation of the life they've had in the Fleet. He thinks they both deserve it.

The question makes him look away though. "I don't know," he says, because it's the easiest thing to say. Really he's pretty sure he doesn't belong anywhere, and that it likely makes no difference what he does. He's damaged and replaceable both; perhaps it's for the best if he just disappears. There are people whose lives would probably be made easier for it.

"I have seen beautiful art come from a blank canvas," he says softly. And that, possibly more than anything else he's admitted, is why he wants Bucky to choose his own path: he knows humanity is capable of grace and dignity, and watching it grow is a delight. That it can come from someone who's had horrors inflicted upon him is a testament to the strength and resilience that extraordinary people possess, and it's something he values greatly.

So when the other man looks away, the Vision steps closer.

"The choice is yours. But if you do choose to stay, you will always be welcome in my home."

Wherever that home may end up being - he'd like it to be on this planet, but they'll have to make it past the Atroma first, and who knows how that will go? But to set up a guest room where a weary refugee can crash when he needs to is simple enough.

He makes no verbal reply to that first part, but there is gratitude in his expression. Not may people see his life the way the Vision does, and he's encountered more than a little distaste about the way he's chosen to strip away any identifiers out of a desire to become nothing and no one, and to choose his path from there. He doesn't fit into the box that others have tried to define for him, and has privately wondered more than once if it's a sign of how broken he truly is.

Then again, the Vision has been candid with him; if he felt anything wrong with a former assassin's decision to become nothing at all, he would probably say so. Or so he hopes.

He's not expecting the offer though, and it likely shows in his face. He still struggles greatly with the idea that anyone would welcome him, when most of his experience has shown just the opposite. "That's a generous offer. I'll keep that in mind." He pauses, then decides to share a little more information with the Vision. "Loki has asked if I would travel with him instead of returning home. I am considering it, since I don't think there is a place for me there. But if I choose to travel, I think I would also want to choose to visit as well."

Loki, huh? He'd never quite got along with Thor's brother, but perhaps it was just a personality clash. Thor certainly loved the man, and that was good enough.

"That would certainly provide an interesting experience; you'd never lack for variety."

And then he smiles, hearing the last part.

"I would like that very much."

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Naviadna Mingle

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