☮ 002. ((audio))

[delincuente]

Who: Alex Russo and you
Broadcast: Most definitely fleet-wide!
Action: SS Paisley
When: Saturday night

[Just before midnight on Saturday, the network picks up what may or may not be a familiar sound - the click of a cassette tape 'PLAY' button, a couple seconds of bumpy white noise, and then -

This very fitting song, in its marvelous entirety.

Oh, the things you find in a novelty shop on a foreign star system. Alex is eternally grateful, even if the fleet at large isn't. And when has she not found joy in driving people mad?]

Comments

[openhands]

Ugh, what is that noise?

[delincuente]

It's a "space jam". Sacred song of my people.

[openhands]

It's a sacred song?

[How? Why? Shit, she didn't offend someone, did she?]

[delincuente]

[Oh, she totes offended someone.]

Mm-hmm. It's about an important religious figure, Bill Murray, the... DJ of Quad City.

[Deep down, she's barely holding it together. But she's practiced at this.]

[openhands]

I have never heard of any of this before. What is Quad City?

[delincuente]

No one really knows. It's all pretty much shrouded in mystery.

[openhands]

Then what do you know of Bill Murray?

[She says his name more like a thing or an idea than a person.]

[delincuente]

He's the patron saint of golf and... ghosts. We celebrate him on Groundhog Day, with dishes of Stay Puft marshmallows, and meatballs.

[That all sounds pretty true, right?]

[asinisterkid]

Oh, come on Alex. If you're giving the overview, you can't just focus one he boring parts.

What about how Bill Murray saved us from the great calamities? Fire and brimstone coming down from the skies! Rivers and seas boiling! Forty years of darkness! Earthquakes! Volcanoes! The dead rising from the grave! Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together... mass hysteria!

I mean, sure, that side of him doesn't get as many devotees as his aspect as the Patron Saint of Golf, but you can't understate the importance of his ghost-related miracles.

shhhh i def replied to this sooner

[delincuente]

Oh man, you're totally right, Jason!

[Said in a bit of an infomercial voice, to be honest.]

I can't believe I dishonored our Lord and Savior Murray so deeply!

[asinisterkid]

Hey, don't sweat it. Murray's a pretty forgiving savior.

I mean, sure, if you really offended him, you'll wake up tomorrow and it'll just be today again, over and over, in imitation of the Twelfth Great Labor of Murray, but that hardly ever happens. You should be fine.

[ DO PENANCE, ALEX, is what he's not saying. ]

[openhands]

[...No, it doesn't, actually. Cassandra frowns because she's beginning to suspect she's having her leg pulled here.]

Golf and ghosts?

[delincuente]

Yeah, ghosts! He defeated the Great Slimer of '84. Hailed as a hero all across the Five Boroughs thanks to that one.

[openhands]

The Great Slimer?

[What the hell kind of creature is that?]