driftfleet | (no subject)

Who: Obi-Wan Kenobi
Broadcast: Text
Action: Iskaulit
When: Jan 30th

A: TEXT

I think it's time I retire from teaching for a while.

I don't suppose anyone knows a decent way to pass the time?

B: ACTION

[ When Stefan announced the prayer room, a quiet place for meditation, Obi-Wan had been thrilled. While he enjoyed and cared for the Huntress, quiet is not something they are known for. After talking to Anakin, he knew he was in dire need of quiet and inner peace

He does not regret ( he can not regret )

And yet.

In a way he had envisioned as a child, it had always been Master and Padawan, together. Even when separate, they fought together, learned together, believed in each other. But Qui-Gon died all too soon, and for so long, Obi-Wan threw his hands up against tradition. When Yoda told him to be Anakin's master, he chose to be Anakin's friend. He did not caution against attachment, only warned where it might lead.

He breathes heavily, his legs folded on the mat. It's not working. The Force is still too quiet, too alien at this moment. It doesn't understand his sorrow.

Obi-Wan chuckles, opening his eyes and pushing his hair back. It should be used to that by now.

Looking down at his hands, he's quiet when he speaks. ]

Please help me.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Allen didn't draw attention to it, but he was a regular visitor to the prayer room. He had been the one that pointed Stefan in the direction of building one, after all. This place certainly wasn't the Order, but it helped ease those pangs of illness for a home long gone for Allen.]

[Truthfully, Allen had been aware of Obi-wan's presence the whole time, but he had made sure not to disturb him - opting to sit in a corner where his own presence was not disruptive. It was utterly rude to disturb someone in the middle of prayer or meditation, after all. Only when he speaks up, clearly having a crisis of pain, does Allen decide that perhaps it'd be best to say something.]

What troubles you, sir?

[ His expression is unguarded and he struggles to push his feelings down. But then, it's a little late for such things.

Obi-Wan relaxes, albeit, a little. ]

A great many things, I'm afraid. Did I disturb you?

Not at all.

[He shakes his head and offers a smile.]

Back home I lived with the church for some time, so I just like coming here when I feel a little homesick. [In other words, he wasn't in the middle of prayer or meditation]

Yes, it does remind me of the Jedi Temple where I was raised.

[ The Temple that was always so calm and accepting. Even when it was full of people, it felt like a river. With a constant, easy stream of feelings that never threatened to overwhelm you. ]

All it's missing are the people that lived in it.

[Another Jedi hmm? He guesses he shouldn't be surprised, he did see this guy traveling around with Ahsoka]

Mm, I know what you mean.

Unfortunately, that's the one thing that can't really be substituted.

We all have to make do. My situation is hardly any more deplorable than anyone else's.

[ Really, he thinks, he's got it easy. There are so many people from his world, and while they might not be Jedi or they are parted or even strangers, there is that bond of understanding that links them together. ]

Perhaps not. There's always someone who has it worse, especially in a place like this.

[If you ever took the time to hear people's stories in places like this, there always seems to be a common theme: tragedy]

But...I've found that pain isn't a competition where only the one who has it worse can feel it. And trying to tell yourself otherwise rarely ever washes it away.

No. To see it as such would be callous, even for me. Everyone is unique in their joys and pains.

[ To feel responsible for such thing only makes the other person a figment of your pain rather than their own person. ]

I'm afraid my usual stance is not helping me much in putting my pain away.

[He tilts his head a little in curiosity]

What's your usual stance?

To let it go. Jedi do not hold onto their pain and sadness. It is not our way.

[ He glances at Allen briefly. ]

We release it into the Force. Where it belongs.

I see...

[Good tactic, most of the time. But...]

But the pain refuses to be leave this time.

I would not say refuse. I suppose I am the one who is refusing to let go.

[ And that's ironic. ]

Whatever caused you pain must've been very important to you.

[Possibly more important than anything else he's had to push away, if he's so conflicted]

Letting go is important, but sometimes...some things need a bit of time before they're ready to be released.

Think of it this way...if a Jedi were to get a serious wound, they'd require rest and time to heal before they're ready to go back to their duties, wouldn't they?

[ He scoffs lightly, with dry amusement. He's always been terrible with healers, preferring to be back on his feet as soon as possible. ]

Normally, I don't. But I see your logic. Giving myself some time to process all of . . . this will help me overcome it.

Ah, you're one of those types of patients.

[He says it with some amusement. He knows that type very well]

But yes, exactly. A heart doesn't heal overnight when the hurt is severe enough. Pretending it can could just make it worse. [Neglected or repressed feelings tend to fester after all] But if you acknowledge that it takes time and take slow steps towards letting it go, little by little...then I'm sure the Force will be there to help you along the way, even if it's not always easy to tell that it is.

Unfortunately.

[ Cheeky. He's not going to feel bad about it. ]

The Force has never . . . let me down, so to speak. It is my guide, though rarely my helper.

Ha-

Surely it's helped you in some ways.

It's difficult to say for sure. I simply know that I follow the Force. Whether it rewards me or not is not part of the bargain we made.

[ For Obi-Wan, there is only the Force. He is its vessel, its guiding light. The questions of why and how do not plague him.

It was only this time that he feels bereft and the Force is not giving him an answer. ]

I see. Sounds like a tough doctrine to follow.

[He doesn't say it critically in the slightest. In fact, there's a bit of awe in his voice. Not many people are willing to be devout to a faith that is well, that rough and ungiving. So the fact that Obi-wan is only having slight difficulties now is incredible]

You must be quite strong.

I believe that's debatable.

[ He certainly won't say it. Though he's principled and knows he could never fall to the Dark, he has been through harrowing moments in his life that have pushed him to the brink. ]

And if it is . . . it is worth it, to be touched by the Force.