driftfleet | let us bow our heads

let us bow our heads

[it may be too optimistic to hope that it has something to do with respect, but Atroma has been very quiet. in the wake of the growing stillness on the Iskaulit, neither of the fleet's hosts have broken the peace with their chipper voices.

if the passengers are being watched as closely as they always claim, it is being done in silence.

whether or not the remainder of the living bugs are being kept somewhere for observation, and regardless of the fact that the discussion of what to ultimately do with the ship is still ongoing, it has been generally agreed that something respectful should be done with the dead, and that the remaining spores should be washed away.

so, this will all be done through a combined effort of vacuum and fire, and the time for this purge has been set.

feet on the ground are needed to prepare the foreign ship for purging--securing anything that could be damaged, and safely packing away delicate data-storing instruments and anything belonging to the fleet itself. anyone willing to help could surely find something to do.

and for anyone wishing to bless, reflect, honor, or pray... now is the time to do so. whether aboard the Iskaulit itself before the purge, offering a voice over the network, or simply watching from nearby shuttles and ships, this is the fleet's moment to help send off the crew of the Iskaulit with dignity.]

ooc: this is the final IC mod post for June! the purge itself will be implied for the most part, but anyone with skills in mechanics or fire-controlling may assume they were involved.

this post specifically is for any interactive threads involved in the final days before the Iskaulit is cleaned, and anything funerary, including broadcasts. even if you just want to put up a closed comment describing what private way your character is taking part in this makeshift 'ceremony,' go for it.

an OOC post summarizing and officially wrapping up the rest of June will go up as soon as we're able.

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[Yes, she might like to get to know those hands better. Wrath's got some odd callouses, thanks to years of sword work. Surprisingly, no scars.

She gives his hand a little squeeze back, and can't help but smile.] I'm glad to hear that, then.

[Not going to push. You don't drag other people's demons, however big or small, out into the light. It's not your place.]

What? No. Definitely not smart or sneaky enough to be a professional weasel. Mobile infantry. I was in Ghost Wolf Company. Ran the close combat specialist platoon.

[Not surprising to a man who comes from a world with dermal generators.

And he appreciates her letting him keep his time to himself. He doesn't know if he could discuss it yet, without feeling like he's over dramatising it. Maybe with Garak... or maybe not.]

Mobile infantry, close combat. Which sort of weapons does that entail?

We didn't have the resources for heavy armored vehicles, so we went light and fast instead. Hovercycles. So you can do small arms with that, shotguns, but I never could shoot for shit. Better, though, we had these custom builds, blades with live plasma arcs in them. Get one of those heated up and you can cut through any conventional armor plating and burn out high end composites.

[Grin.]

Called 'em tank cutters. My favorite trick was taking the barrel for the main armament off the takes, just run in, jump onto the thing, and one slice, you're done. It's a fucking rush and a half.

[Julian listens attentively, nodding and getting it, but having trouble imagining it. Despite the fact they were heading to all out war, he still lacks any real experience with combat of that nature. He knows starship fights... but it's a world of difference.]

You love being a soldier.

Life in the MI is basically a lot of boredom mixed with balls-out craziness and pants-shitting terror. [Grin. And she leans in a bit closer to him, to rest her shoulder against his... well. Arm. He's a lot taller than her. Everyone is a lot taller than her. ] I was good at it. And I was keeping everyone safe, you know?

You like being a doctor, right?

[And he's used to being one of the taller people around. He doesn't lean, but he stays where he is, with her pressed against his arm.]

Yes. I like helping people, ending pain, making them healthy. When I was a child, I was sick, and after I got better, I thought if I misbehaved, the doctor would come and make me sick again. Giveth and taketh away, as it were.

Now, of course, I know better.

[Well, she'll take that as a good sign and keep where she is, then. It still feels stupidly good to just lean against someone, after so long not really having anyone at all.]

Holy shit is that why you wanted to be a doctor, so you could scare the hell out of little kids? [~~That's so metal~~ Yes she is just teasing.]

The important part is always helping people.

I... didn't really like doctors, back home. Too many times in the hospital, I think. Stuff just lives in the back of your head and never quite goes away.

[Julian flushes and realises she's teasing and laughs, but he's still a bit flustered.] No! Of course not!

I, wanted to be someone who helped. Made life better.

[Her words touch something left a bit raw with the word augment, when he first spoke to Beverly. He swallows and nods.] I understand. I... felt the same for a long time, when I was younger.

[Okay, that's fucking adorable, and she laughs as well.] Got you.

[A little more serious now, though. She moves her thumb against the back of his hand, just like a little point of comfort. Or maybe emphasis. Both, probably.] Proof you're a kind and generous person.

[Poor guy. Must have been rough for him, when he was a kid. Whatever he was sick with.] That must have been really rough. I'm sorry you were so sick, and you were a kid. That's worse. [She assumes. Childhood is one of those enormous, yawning blanks for her. But she can empathize.] I guess it's a lucky thing you decided you wanted to be a doctor anyway.

[The flustering fades, but the slight pinking remains over his tanned cheeks, high on the cheekbone.]

I don't really remember most of it. I was very young, and sick children tend to not form memory engrams properly, the body is diverting the energy to other resources to recover.

All I remember is someone, a nurse? In a pale blue uniform. White blankets. My mother sitting nearby and reading me stories from A Thousand and One Nights. Nothing particularly distressing.

I wanted to be a doctor so that I knew other children couldn't be made sick by a doctor... if that makes sense, which I suppose to eight year old me it did.

[Oh goodness, it's adorable. Definitely looking up and smiling at that. The temptation is real.]

Oh, is that how memory works? [Not that it helps her situation, but it's interesting.]

I don't think I know that book. But... that sounds kind of nice, actually.

It totally makes sense. Because hey, if you're a good doctor, you can save everyone from bad doctors. [Fucking adorable.

Oh, why not. She does best when she's just saying what she's thinking. It mostly works out. Trying to think in circles just makes her dizzy.]

Mind if I ask a weird question?

Well, for children. Memories are formed in several areas of the brain, and associated feelings and thoughts are stored separately. Short term memory and long term memory are different. The things you remember about this conversation now, and what you'll remember tomorrow are very different.

[He cants his head and looks at her.]

Sure, go ahead.

[What she remembers now and tomorrow will be totally different--that gets such a strange, sad little smile out of her. Yeah, Compliance supposedly can't reach her here, but she can't shake the feeling and the fear that the faceless men will show up anyway, because maybe this is all just a fucked up dream like the one she shared with Maine that one time. Maybe tomorrow she'll wake up and not remember any of this ever happened and just start over again.]

Yeah, probably.

[Which is really a great argument to just bull ahead, since she can't remember a time when she was ever certain there would be a tomorrow.]

I really like you, Julian. Want to-- [At the last second, she remembers Dr. Crusher reacting a bit to some of her more barracks language. And come to think of it, she hasn't heard either of the doctors cuss, so maybe it's a thing. Er.] --have sex? If not, it's totally fine, I'll still like you just as much and will stop trying to get in your pants, promise.

[Because it's important to make sure this is a no pressure situation.]

[He can see that there's some sort of struggle on her face, but he's not really sure what it is. He waits though.

And then chokes slightly. Because people where he comes from just aren't that.... forward.]

But... you barely know me.

Not that I'm saying no, I do rather like you, I'm just not used to being propositioned so... immediately.

[She stays leaning against him, looking just as comfortable as before. He hasn't shoved her away out anything. She's used to people being a little surprised by her particular brand of forthrightness.

Mostly, she's amused.]

I know you a lot better already than I've known a lot of the people I've fucked. Didn't really have a lot of time for friends when I was working, you know? Maybe that's kind of fucked up, but it's... mine. [Sex is important to her. Sensation lives in as different part of the brain, maybe, and isn't so easily erased as a way to connect with other people. It's a way to assert that her body belongs to her, and isn't just a painful burden out something that can be taken from her control at any time.]

So... Sorry. I'm not that good at this stuff. At like... Talking to people. I'd rather just always be honest and say what I'm thinking. It's easier. That way I don't have to have any regrets.

Edited (fixed my html since I had a moment) 2015-07-05 03:19 (UTC)

[He isn't going to shove her away. He's surprised, a bit shocked, but he's not upset by her bluntness in anyway.]

No, it's not, you're not doing anything wrong. Just cultural differences, I suspect. I'd probably get slapped if I tried that approach.

Do you, I mean, no, hang on. Is this, do you just want a one off, physical thing? I just, need to know what you're looking for from me.

[Something purely physical makes a bit more sense to him. He usually made a fine impression on people until he opened his mouth, he's a good looking young man and he knows that.]

Slapped? That's a mean thing to do to someone who's being honest. [Man, Julian, your universe is finally sounding a little less shiny.

But it's really nice that he's basically meeting her on her level now. She appreciates that immensely and gives his hand a little squeeze by way of saying thanks.]

Hm, doesn't have to be one off if we both have fun and don't want it to be? But no expectations, either. As long as we're honest and talk about things, it'll work out.

I definitely don't do that... relationship and commitment stuff though. Did it once and I'm total shit at it and just made the other person unhappy. I like you way too much to do that to you.

[Julian isn't sure what to make of it. He's certainly done this, one night stands when he didn't have time for anything else during medical school, but they were people he didn't have to spend any real time with afterwards.

He rather likes Wrath. And he's terrible at not getting emotionally involved. Which he knows. He managed to get emotionally entangled with someone who has lied to him systematically for the last five years, he certainly won't be able to do anything but fall for someone passionate, beautiful, capable, honest and earnest.

All that thought takes barely a second.

He looks down at her memorial, rocking on his feet very briefly.]

Honestly? I'm not good at emotional distance. I'm... very bad at emotional distance. I've been assured I fall in love far too easily. That's... just who I am?

[Wrath knows that she loved North. Still does, really. Which is why it was so awful that she fucked everything up.

(Though if she's being honest with herself, she loves Maine dearly too. She's just afraid to admit that because she might also fuck that up.)]

There's nothing wrong with that. I think it means you have a good heart.

[Important reassurance, though! She doesn't want Julian to feel bad about anything. Especially since she's the one who brought this up.]

I fuck everything up with actual relationships though. Like... I don't believe that you're only allowed to love one person and stuff. And North said I was like... selfish and not serious. Not there enough. Not the right person.

I just wouldn't want to hurt you just because I'm so shitty at this, you know?

[He knows that whatever his heart is, it's something else he feels is nothing to do with him.

He keeps holding her hand. He falls in love, but he never gets too close. Maybe that's okay. She won't expect him to be anything. He'll be work obsessed and distracted and forget important things because he doesn't let himself invest that much and... maybe it'd work this way.]

It takes two people to make a disaster of a relationship. And... I don't see anything wrong with polyamory. You were honest with North and if he? She? Said those things about you? They were wrong. There's nothing selfish about feeling that way and being honest. Far worse to lie and feel differently.

[Hypocrite.]

We could have a night, at least. Without expectations.

[Since she's still got his hand, she strokes the back of it with her thumb again. Because Julian has very nice hands. She's trying not to be distracted by that fact, really.

Wrath still cares about North enough that she wants to defend him. Because as far as her understanding goes, she did screw everything up there.]

Well, the selfish thing was more that he was having a super bad day, and then York wanted to do a shot and I was dumb and said yes, and then it did something really weird with my chems and... it's kind of a long and stupid story. I really should have been more thoughtful.

[But the fact that Julian doesn't think there's something wrong with polyamory? Makes her feel a lot better. The only other person she'd ever heard that from was Foxtrot, and that was Foxtrot.]

I'd really like that. As long as you'll be okay. [Because she is serious about not wanting to hurt him.]

[He likes her touching his hand. The last two people to touch his hands before this place were both Cardassians. Garak's cool, almost professionally calculated touches and Tain's clammy, chilled grip that always lingered too long.

But he doesn't like her words.]

He had a bad day, that's no excuse to take it out on you. And if something went wrong with your medication and alcohol... well, it was a bit silly to drink if you'd been told not to on them, but it's not your fault that you did have that reaction and even less so if you didn't know it could happen!

[He huffs slightly, trying to let out his frustration at this person he doesn't even know but who doesn't seem to have been half as kind to Wrath as she deserved.

Instead, he turns slightly, brings his free hand up to cup her jaw softly.]

I think, I would very much like to spend some time with you.

Yeah, I had a whole list of shit I wasn't allowed to do. I did a lot of it. [Crooked smile. She knows it was dumb.] Because I hated what it all meant.

[That she's physically broken, and that she still resents Whiskey for saving her, even though it's not fair for her to do so. And she has to try to be fair, because what else is left?

She's going to let that particular argument go for now, about North. As much as she feels guilty for not defending him as much as she could. She doesn't want to have to explain the whole stupid thing to Julian, it's still painful to think about.

And him touching her like that? Feels really, really good. Maybe she's still making up for a couple of decades of having no close connection with anyone. Or maybe it's the loneliness of Maine not being around getting to her already. Or maybe she just really likes Julian. All three, probably. She lets out a small, happy sigh, turning her face a little into his hand.] I'm really glad to hear that.

[Slightly dorky grin.] My ship or yours?

Well, when Dr Crusher tells you to not do something, it's because she's worried about your well being, so please listen to her?

[Her jaw feels small in his hand, the skin soft like her hands aren't. She thinks her worth is only in her job as a soldier and he hates that she feels that way about herself.

He dips down and gives her a gentle kiss across the mouth, lingering briefly before straightening again.]

I, ah, we don't have rooms on the Starstruck.

[Harumph. Doctors always stick together. Mutter:] Yeah, Whiskey always says that too.

[And she resents him for saving her still, even though she knows it is neither kind nor generous to feel that way.

She'd much rather focus on the being kissed thing. She likes kissing, and does make a pleased little murmur.]

Neither do we. But I've got a little armory to call home. It's very comfortable.

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