☮ 004. ((audio))

[delincuente]

Who: Alex Russo and YOU
Broadcast: All over the place yo
Action: The bridge of the SS Paisley
When: 7/4

[It's Alex's first broadcast that doesn't have the Space Jam soundtrack in the background, what a surprise. People are going to start thinking she isn't annoying or something.]

Hey, so today's a totally big holiday back on Earth - the Fourth of July, aka Independence Day, aka every American's birthday. It's when we celebrate the anniversary of Will Smith and Jeff Goldblum saving us from the alien invaders back in 1996. We eat phallic meat-byproduct foods and shoot off explosive to represent the crazy alien sky battles we witnessed on that fateful day.

Let's have a moment of silence for our fallen heroes.

Comments

[delincuente]

Extremely memorable. No one could ever forget the way Jeff used road flares to lead the aliens away from the jeep full of children.

[geonomy]

I wasn't even born at the time, but it was such a historical event that everyone was still talking about it. That right there? Is why we have bottle rockets.

[delincuente]

And don't forget roman candles, from when the aliens knocked out power in Rome and they had to use fireworks to see at night.

video;

[geonomy]

And sparklers! The way they go through those three stages - they all symbolize something important. The arrival of the aliens, the battle they had, and the way they blew up the mothership at the end.

[video]

[delincuente]

You know your American history, good sir. What an honor you are to our nation. [She salutes him.]

[video]

[geonomy]

[He grins and gives a salute back, gives a mock sniff, and wipes a mock tear from his eye.]

I owe so much to my county... I must honor all of its history...!

[delincuente]

Especially the parts that are just plain weird as hell.

[geonomy]

How can you not honor those parts? That's what makes our country what it is! Remember when a dog became a basketball player?

[So Air Bud came out way before his time, but it was one of the recommendations after he watched Space Jam, and... well... it had like one star so he never saw it, but the picture alone was hilarious.]

[delincuente]

God, yeah. And a football player, and a baseball player, and then it went to space.

[geonomy]

[Resist... resist... Ugh, okay - ]

Except the documentary about the puppies going to space was completely wrong. They have no idea how space works! I mean, I get that it's hard to compress all that you need to do in a two hour movie or so, but they could at least try to make it more accurate! They never wore the proper suits; any person or animal who wore a suit like that would've died just minutes after being exposed to the pressure of space! Not to mention that the graphics looked totally fake. They made the moon look like pieces of colored styrofoam glued together!