☮ 004. ((audio))

[delincuente]

Who: Alex Russo and YOU
Broadcast: All over the place yo
Action: The bridge of the SS Paisley
When: 7/4

[It's Alex's first broadcast that doesn't have the Space Jam soundtrack in the background, what a surprise. People are going to start thinking she isn't annoying or something.]

Hey, so today's a totally big holiday back on Earth - the Fourth of July, aka Independence Day, aka every American's birthday. It's when we celebrate the anniversary of Will Smith and Jeff Goldblum saving us from the alien invaders back in 1996. We eat phallic meat-byproduct foods and shoot off explosive to represent the crazy alien sky battles we witnessed on that fateful day.

Let's have a moment of silence for our fallen heroes.

Comments

audio

[ofbelief]

...

I don't think that was what it was about at all.

text

[theboogieman]

[...you know what, normally he doesn't bother with posts like this, but...]

that didn't happen.

Text

[onlyanapple]

[There are no words, but after a few minutes, Crowley will just send this through. As always, he's using his communication augment to its fullest potential. ]

Action

[preformthisneigh]

[That is, quite frankly, the weirdest ass celebration that Cheese has ever heard of. But he knows humans are a little more unusual in their little monkey ways, and he shouldn't judge. He has a job to do and he can't baulk just because something is outside his usual area of expertise.

So, he packs himself off into an SR ship to where he knows the party needs to be. When he comes upon the bridge, it's in an explosion of a metric ton of confetti and indoor fireworks. He's trailed by two vaguely human-shaped balloon models, with 'Will' and 'Jeff' scrawled across their faces. He doesn't have any meat-byproducts, phallic shaped or otherwise, because he's not a meat eating monster. There is also no moment of silence, instead his arrival sounds like the ungodly cacophony of a thousand noisemakers going off at once.

To make it worse, he pulls out his accordion and begins to sing.]

♫ Iiiiiii'm here to wish a happy Independence Day to you!
It's a birthaversary of an entire country too!
Together we can celebrate
The aliens Will and Jeff did decimate
So let's all party like it's ninety ninety siiiiiix! ♫

[Video]

[boymeetsfatherhood]

Good movie- bad history.

But what do you mean it's already the fourth of July? Can it even be the fourth of July in space?

[delincuente]

Clearly we're just from different versions of Earth, then. Don't discriminate, dude.

audio

[delincuente]

Um yeah, it totally did, I was there.

audio

[delincuente]

[Just the sound of Alex cracking the fuck up.]

So patriotic. I might actually cry.

[video]

[delincuente]

How dare. That's my heritage you're talking about.

[She holds her hand over her heart for a second, mock-offended.]

And they use Earth time here, for some reason. Guess there's some colonies out here, or something.

[delincuente]

[Alex nearly falls out of her chair, and lets out a couple of impolite words before she is actually able to process what's going on. At first she thinks the confetti's from a new crewmate, until the horse (?????) starts singing (?!?!??!?!?).]

Whhhhhhat the hell-

[When he gets to "Will and Jeff" and she notices the balloons, she does actually fall out of her chair, but this time from shocked laughter. This is both the best and worst thing to ever happen on this ship.]

audio

[onlyanapple]

The only way I could make it more patriotic would be to put a Big Mac in front of it.

[preformthisneigh]

[The laughter, shocked or not, is exactly what Cheese wants. It means he's fulfilling his purpose in the cosmos. He grins, playing a little polka on the accordion, before tossing some more confetti in the air from...who know where. ]

Happy the Fourth of July!

[video]

[boymeetsfatherhood]

I'm sorry. I didn't know you were part-Goldblum. [Mock-offended, meet mock-apologetic. Yeah, he's got this!]

Wrong! If they really used Earth time, you know what would be happening now? Fireworks. No, better than that. Space fireworks! It's impossible for it to be fourth of July without any. So where are they. Show me the fireworks!

audio;

[geonomy]

And the extremely dangerous fireworks on the ground represent the aliens shooting at us. It was a very, very memorable day.

video;

[catamite]

[a video feed flicks on! and there is a pointy-eared kid looking totally impressed by that tale. good work.]

Whoa... that sounds intense! I had no idea stuff like that happened on Earth.

text;

[thebarkside]

omfg no
this is the best broadcast ever

[text]

[delincuente]

glad someone is appreciating my history lesson

[delincuente]

[Oh no someone who actually believes her, crap.]

Yeah, Earth's a pretty... intense place. Just wait till you hear about Survivor, and pumpkin chunking.

[delincuente]

Extremely memorable. No one could ever forget the way Jeff used road flares to lead the aliens away from the jeep full of children.

[delincuente]

We all are, he's our founding father. His relentless courage is practically in our genes.

[Meet mock-passionate.]

You want fireworks, look out the window in about... fifteen seconds.

[delincuente]

[Alex picks a piece of confetti out of her hair, still in awe.]

Where did you even get this?

[delincuente]

That would be beautiful. Our true national symbol.

[geonomy]

I wasn't even born at the time, but it was such a historical event that everyone was still talking about it. That right there? Is why we have bottle rockets.

[delincuente]

And don't forget roman candles, from when the aliens knocked out power in Rome and they had to use fireworks to see at night.

[preformthisneigh]

Oh, I always carry around party equipment, just in case! You never know when a party might be needed immediately.

I didn't quite know what Jeff and Will looked like, so I took a little artistic licence. Hope they still work!