☮ 004. ((audio))

[delincuente]

Who: Alex Russo and YOU
Broadcast: All over the place yo
Action: The bridge of the SS Paisley
When: 7/4

[It's Alex's first broadcast that doesn't have the Space Jam soundtrack in the background, what a surprise. People are going to start thinking she isn't annoying or something.]

Hey, so today's a totally big holiday back on Earth - the Fourth of July, aka Independence Day, aka every American's birthday. It's when we celebrate the anniversary of Will Smith and Jeff Goldblum saving us from the alien invaders back in 1996. We eat phallic meat-byproduct foods and shoot off explosive to represent the crazy alien sky battles we witnessed on that fateful day.

Let's have a moment of silence for our fallen heroes.

Comments

audio

[ofbelief]

...

I don't think that was what it was about at all.

[delincuente]

Clearly we're just from different versions of Earth, then. Don't discriminate, dude.

[ofbelief]

I'm not. But those were movies and not fact. I think, pretty sure.

text

[theboogieman]

[...you know what, normally he doesn't bother with posts like this, but...]

that didn't happen.

audio

[delincuente]

Um yeah, it totally did, I was there.

Text

[onlyanapple]

[There are no words, but after a few minutes, Crowley will just send this through. As always, he's using his communication augment to its fullest potential. ]

audio

[delincuente]

[Just the sound of Alex cracking the fuck up.]

So patriotic. I might actually cry.

audio

[onlyanapple]

The only way I could make it more patriotic would be to put a Big Mac in front of it.

Action

[preformthisneigh]

[That is, quite frankly, the weirdest ass celebration that Cheese has ever heard of. But he knows humans are a little more unusual in their little monkey ways, and he shouldn't judge. He has a job to do and he can't baulk just because something is outside his usual area of expertise.

So, he packs himself off into an SR ship to where he knows the party needs to be. When he comes upon the bridge, it's in an explosion of a metric ton of confetti and indoor fireworks. He's trailed by two vaguely human-shaped balloon models, with 'Will' and 'Jeff' scrawled across their faces. He doesn't have any meat-byproducts, phallic shaped or otherwise, because he's not a meat eating monster. There is also no moment of silence, instead his arrival sounds like the ungodly cacophony of a thousand noisemakers going off at once.

To make it worse, he pulls out his accordion and begins to sing.]

♫ Iiiiiii'm here to wish a happy Independence Day to you!
It's a birthaversary of an entire country too!
Together we can celebrate
The aliens Will and Jeff did decimate
So let's all party like it's ninety ninety siiiiiix! ♫

[delincuente]

[Alex nearly falls out of her chair, and lets out a couple of impolite words before she is actually able to process what's going on. At first she thinks the confetti's from a new crewmate, until the horse (?????) starts singing (?!?!??!?!?).]

Whhhhhhat the hell-

[When he gets to "Will and Jeff" and she notices the balloons, she does actually fall out of her chair, but this time from shocked laughter. This is both the best and worst thing to ever happen on this ship.]

[preformthisneigh]

[The laughter, shocked or not, is exactly what Cheese wants. It means he's fulfilling his purpose in the cosmos. He grins, playing a little polka on the accordion, before tossing some more confetti in the air from...who know where. ]

Happy the Fourth of July!

[Video]

[boymeetsfatherhood]

Good movie- bad history.

But what do you mean it's already the fourth of July? Can it even be the fourth of July in space?

[video]

[delincuente]

How dare. That's my heritage you're talking about.

[She holds her hand over her heart for a second, mock-offended.]

And they use Earth time here, for some reason. Guess there's some colonies out here, or something.

[video]

[boymeetsfatherhood]

I'm sorry. I didn't know you were part-Goldblum. [Mock-offended, meet mock-apologetic. Yeah, he's got this!]

Wrong! If they really used Earth time, you know what would be happening now? Fireworks. No, better than that. Space fireworks! It's impossible for it to be fourth of July without any. So where are they. Show me the fireworks!

audio;

[geonomy]

And the extremely dangerous fireworks on the ground represent the aliens shooting at us. It was a very, very memorable day.

[delincuente]

Extremely memorable. No one could ever forget the way Jeff used road flares to lead the aliens away from the jeep full of children.

[geonomy]

I wasn't even born at the time, but it was such a historical event that everyone was still talking about it. That right there? Is why we have bottle rockets.

video;

[catamite]

[a video feed flicks on! and there is a pointy-eared kid looking totally impressed by that tale. good work.]

Whoa... that sounds intense! I had no idea stuff like that happened on Earth.

[delincuente]

[Oh no someone who actually believes her, crap.]

Yeah, Earth's a pretty... intense place. Just wait till you hear about Survivor, and pumpkin chunking.

[catamite]

[and he is so totally on board already. she has 100% of his attention.]

Oh man, what's that?

text;

[thebarkside]

omfg no
this is the best broadcast ever

[text]

[delincuente]

glad someone is appreciating my history lesson

[text]

[thebarkside]

now i want to watch that movie though >_>

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[feathery]

america fuck yeah
all the haters are just jealous their version of earth didnt get such a sweet deal for freedom

that icon is my fave

[delincuente]

i know right they're all from lame-ass will smith-less worlds
no men in black rap
no bienvenidos a miami
how do they even survive