☮ 004. ((audio))

[delincuente]

Who: Alex Russo and YOU
Broadcast: All over the place yo
Action: The bridge of the SS Paisley
When: 7/4

[It's Alex's first broadcast that doesn't have the Space Jam soundtrack in the background, what a surprise. People are going to start thinking she isn't annoying or something.]

Hey, so today's a totally big holiday back on Earth - the Fourth of July, aka Independence Day, aka every American's birthday. It's when we celebrate the anniversary of Will Smith and Jeff Goldblum saving us from the alien invaders back in 1996. We eat phallic meat-byproduct foods and shoot off explosive to represent the crazy alien sky battles we witnessed on that fateful day.

Let's have a moment of silence for our fallen heroes.

Comments

[delincuente]

hey teenageerhood is a state of mind
i still look like i'm fresh off my quinceanera
nothing about me feels adult you know
and idk man i kind of hope there's some asshole tv host out there
trying to decipher 21st century textspeak

[feathery]

im going to guess thats a fancy way of saying 15
but yeah
motherfucker would deserve it
makes me feel like i should ramp up the leetspeak
only then id be indistinguishable from one of those shitty trolls so pass

[delincuente]

yeah it's a mexican thing
where they make you put on a princess dress and become a woman
and dude are these trolls from like 1999
i haven't heart anyone even say the word leetspeak since about then

[feathery]

and here i thought 16 was supposed to be the big one
dude consider yourself fortunate you were spared from the teal one who typ3d l1k3 th1s
she was the worst of them all i feel dirty just imitating her
the others were comparatively inoffensive
in their typing at least
the fish trolls were complete assholes

[He's thinking of Eridan and the Condesce, since he stayed away from Feferi.]

[delincuente]

16 only counts if you live somewhere you can actually drive
or if you're dating someone like hella old
and woah i think we might have had that one too
idk it was just invasion of the weird grey kids for awhile

[feathery]

we sure did meet a lot of the same people for such a huge ass multiverse

[delincuente]

hey what can i say
we were just supposed to meet
or some crap like that

[feathery]

hahaha yeah
its like playing six degrees of separation
cross dimensional style

[delincuente]

does this mean we're eventually gonna meet kevin bacon

[feathery]

we better
i dont know how shitholes like this avoid kidnapping actual important people all the time
i still havent met obama

[delincuente]

hey it could happen
i met a celebrity from my world back in paradisa
and dude i hope we get obama

[feathery]

dude really who was it
i havent met no one
like
not even dane fucking cook or some other histrionic rubbernecked comedian and that is a low fucking bar
id be willing to forgive it if obama showed up though like
how fucking awesome would that be???

[delincuente]

london tipton
do you guys have her
hotel heiress and total airhead
if obama showed up i would literally petition for him to be on the paisley
i wanna boss him around

[feathery]

huh not that ive heard of
is she of the same brand as paris hilton
aka individuals who are unfortunately named after cities
and ok you can have obama on your crew but you have to promise to let me rap with him at least once
preferably more than that

[delincuente]

oh man maybe they're like alternate universe selves
does paris whatshername live on a cruise ship
and have no friends
and i'll totally allow the rapping
you don't even have to ask
it's a deal

[feathery]

sounds close enough lets say thats exactly what happened
but hell fucking yes
now we just got to figure out who to bribe

[delincuente]

send messages into the void constantly
until someone finally breaks
then blackmail him into transferring to the paisley
and that's that
evil plan all worked out

[feathery]

yeah this is a supervillain grade evil plan
gotta keep it hush hush so none of the heroes aboard get any ideas

[delincuente]

hey what else would you expect from me
i have been called an evil genius before