☮ 004. ((audio))

[delincuente]

Who: Alex Russo and YOU
Broadcast: All over the place yo
Action: The bridge of the SS Paisley
When: 7/4

[It's Alex's first broadcast that doesn't have the Space Jam soundtrack in the background, what a surprise. People are going to start thinking she isn't annoying or something.]

Hey, so today's a totally big holiday back on Earth - the Fourth of July, aka Independence Day, aka every American's birthday. It's when we celebrate the anniversary of Will Smith and Jeff Goldblum saving us from the alien invaders back in 1996. We eat phallic meat-byproduct foods and shoot off explosive to represent the crazy alien sky battles we witnessed on that fateful day.

Let's have a moment of silence for our fallen heroes.

Comments

Action

[preformthisneigh]

[That is, quite frankly, the weirdest ass celebration that Cheese has ever heard of. But he knows humans are a little more unusual in their little monkey ways, and he shouldn't judge. He has a job to do and he can't baulk just because something is outside his usual area of expertise.

So, he packs himself off into an SR ship to where he knows the party needs to be. When he comes upon the bridge, it's in an explosion of a metric ton of confetti and indoor fireworks. He's trailed by two vaguely human-shaped balloon models, with 'Will' and 'Jeff' scrawled across their faces. He doesn't have any meat-byproducts, phallic shaped or otherwise, because he's not a meat eating monster. There is also no moment of silence, instead his arrival sounds like the ungodly cacophony of a thousand noisemakers going off at once.

To make it worse, he pulls out his accordion and begins to sing.]

♫ Iiiiiii'm here to wish a happy Independence Day to you!
It's a birthaversary of an entire country too!
Together we can celebrate
The aliens Will and Jeff did decimate
So let's all party like it's ninety ninety siiiiiix! ♫

[delincuente]

[Alex nearly falls out of her chair, and lets out a couple of impolite words before she is actually able to process what's going on. At first she thinks the confetti's from a new crewmate, until the horse (?????) starts singing (?!?!??!?!?).]

Whhhhhhat the hell-

[When he gets to "Will and Jeff" and she notices the balloons, she does actually fall out of her chair, but this time from shocked laughter. This is both the best and worst thing to ever happen on this ship.]

[preformthisneigh]

[The laughter, shocked or not, is exactly what Cheese wants. It means he's fulfilling his purpose in the cosmos. He grins, playing a little polka on the accordion, before tossing some more confetti in the air from...who know where. ]

Happy the Fourth of July!

[delincuente]

[Alex picks a piece of confetti out of her hair, still in awe.]

Where did you even get this?

[preformthisneigh]

Oh, I always carry around party equipment, just in case! You never know when a party might be needed immediately.

I didn't quite know what Jeff and Will looked like, so I took a little artistic licence. Hope they still work!

[delincuente]

Carry it how? You have hooves.

[But she nods her approval at the balloons.]

Yeah, no, they're great.

[preformthisneigh]

It's a party pony secret, if I told you, I'd have to make you one of us.

[It's hard to tell if he's being serious or not. ]

So, did they really save your world from aliens? Because what I learned about Earth, if anything, is that it is snooze city.

[At least compared to Equestria where somepony tries to take over/murder every living thing on a bimonthly basis.]

[delincuente]

[Oh God...]

Ah. Another one. You must know. Pinkie McWhatshername.

And yeah, they totally did! I don't know where you're getting your Earth history, but it's basically one big alien battle party over there.

[preformthisneigh]

[And with that one comment, Alex has doomed herself. Cheese's entire demeanour changes. He grins like an escaped and highly excitable lunatic who just learned all lunatics were getting a 100% discount at IHOP. It's that level of joy.]

Pinkie Pie? You know her? She's my bestest best friend in any possible world, ever! She's the whole reason I became a party planner, she's the cream of the crop! How do you know her? Did she throw a party for you? You're super lucky if you did, because it'd be the best party you ever had!

[His interest in this Dumb Earth Holiday has gone to zero since they have the Pink Goddess to speak about now. This is a much more important subject matter.]

[delincuente]

[Alex is trying to decide if she can throw herself out the airlock to escape him.]

... We met in a demonic castle. And there were no parties, we maybe talked for two minutes.

[preformthisneigh]

[There is no escape. There is never any escape. ]

Paradisa? Pinkie was in Paradisa? WOW! I never knew! I must have JUST missed her.

[delincuente]

Yeah, well. I never knew you there either.

[preformthisneigh]

Hmmm, well, there were a lot of residents. Didya see the awesome party I threw for Lucrezia?

[delincuente]

Nah, I didn't get around much there. I think I maybe remember that name?

[preformthisneigh]

She was super fancy, and wanted a super fancy party to suit. I think I pulled it off pretty well.

[delincuente]

"Fancy"? Can you even hold a champagne class with hooves?

[preformthisneigh]

Carefully! That's how.