driftfleet | i'm gonna show you crazy

[Joseph rolls his eyes. Great. His captain is one of those guys.]

If I'm dead, I'm not going to care about a funeral and I sure as hell wouldn't care about you getting calluses.

[She hums, tapping her chin with one finger.]

All right, then. Try this: if you don't eat, I will put food down your throat.

Better?

[Joseph snorts. Mal is essentially a full foot shorter than him. Like hell he could forcefeed Joseph. Puh-leeze.]

I'd like to see you try.

[She's starting to like being underestimated. It makes everything so much more interesting.]

[For a moment she doesn't move, just looking at him carefully with her head cocked ever so slightly. Then, in the blink of an eye and a blur, she's across to the table and right in Joseph's face with a food cube.]

Say "ah".

[This is fun.]

[He comes very close to opening his mouth in shock because how the fuck did he just move that fast? He'd probably also ask that question aloud, but that's a no-go. For the very first time in Joseph's life, Joseph is keeping his mouth shut.]

[He leans away, grunting his rejection of the proffered food cube with a shake of his head. But while he does that, his hand finds the questionable food paste that's still sitting where it was poured out of the machine. And then that paste is going to be intent on its way to finding Mal's face with a toss.]

[The paste hits Mal square in the middle of the cheek. Briefly and instinctively, she bares her teeth in a snarl - then leaps up on Joseph with incredible strength, trying to knock him back so that she can pry his jaw open.]

[Some of the food paste drips off her face onto his shirt. Enjoy that, you jerk.]

[Mal's sudden leap takes him completely by surprise. It's one thing to be able to move fast, but that much strength from someone that much smaller than him? He was planning on taking it easy on the guy and maybe try to avoid hurting him, but that's gone completely out the window now.]

[He does stumble backwards, but instead of throwing food he's throwing a punch and he sure is charging his fist with some Hamon to match strength for strength here because what the hell, bro? What the actual hell?]

[The power of his punch, which catches her on the jaw, startles her, and she curses under her breath - Natasha would be furious - but dodges the next blow by ducking under his arm and into his personal space. That's one of the benefits of being small.]

[She tosses a few glancing blows at him - solar plexus, jaw, gut - but most of her's concentrated on reaching for his jaw. Once she gets close enough, she presses her finger and thumb to the joins of his jaw, trying to force it open.]

Come on!

[Joseph tightens his jaw, throwing his head side-to-side in an attempt to throw Mal's hand off his face alongside some rather relatively ineffectual pushing. This time, he goes down towards the ground, but with the intent of slamming Mal into the floor. He is not opening his mouth, dammit!]

[Another curse as she falls on the ground - she grabs him by the collar as she goes, though, and kicks up with both feet into his stomach, trying to drag him down with her.]

[Just wrestling on the floor of the kitchen no big deal.]

[They are a pair of mature adults. If you heard otherwise, that is slander.]

[Joseph goes down and the feet to the gut causes all the air to go out of his lungs. Reflexively and without thinking about it, his mouth falls open with a grunt, but he slaps a hand over it quickly before any of that nasty sorry excuse for food can get anywhere near his mouth. He starts struggling to get back up to his feet, which is not helped by Mal pulling on him at all. But you watch him try, goddammit.]

[Shit, she thought she had it for a second there. Growling, she starts tugging on his arm, trying to get him to open up again. It's cheating to cover your mouth with your hand!]

[At this point she's just indiscriminately kicking out at him and pulling him down. Give up, loser.]

[He will die before he gives up!]

[Okay, well, he gives up trying to get back up off the floor and so there is equal indiscriminate hitting back while keeping his head (namely his mouth) as far away from Mal as possible.]

[But really, you give up!!!]

[At this point they're pretty much just rolling around kicking and punching at each other, which frankly Mal is fine with. She hasn't had a decent wrestling match in a while, and it's frankly hilarious to her that someone so large is having to fight so hard against him. The benefits of cheating.]

[And no, she will not give up. She grabs the back of his neck and tries to hold him still so she can get at his mouth better.]

[Holy fuck, Mal's grip is strong. Joseph's not really any match for that, so he's left instead just trying to swat and push Mal's own face away because he can't get his head away anymore and STOP IT.]

[Stop touching her face, goddamnit. Without really thinking about it, she snaps at his fingers with too-sharp teeth as she presses the food pellet thingy to Joseph's lips. EAT THE THING, MOTHERFUCKER.]

[Of course, when she snaps, she manages to bite and Joseph lets out a yelp which is ultimately his undoing. As can probably be expected, he is immediately spitting as much of it out as he can.]

What the hell is wrong with you!?

[It doesn't even matter that he only ate a little bit. The point is that she won and he lost. Laughing, she rolls off him and springs to her feet.]

Oh, come on. That was fun, wasn't it?

[He wipes his mouth with the back of his hand once he's done spitting everything out.]

Maybe up until the end.

That's right.

[Hands on her hips, she surveys him with interest.]

You're incredibly rude and stubborn. I think I like you.

[He stands back up, dusting himself off.]

And you fight dirty. [Despite the fact he lost, he smirks.] I definitely like you.

[You know, with the exception of forcefeeding him.]

[That makes her beam, all bright teeth and sharp eyes.]

I cheat. There's no other way to fight.

[She holds out her hand.]

Maladict. Call me Mal. I'm your captain, unless you wandered onto the ship by accident.

[He shakes the offered hand.]

Joseph, but you can call me Jojo. I'm your pilot.

Jojo.

[She wrinkles her nose a little. What a weird nickname for a guy the size of a house. Oh, well.]

Oh, good. Maybe you can break us out of formation and take us somewhere exciting. [It's like . . . 55% a joke.]

I'm sure I could swing it.

[This is said with 100% confidence to her 55% joke.]

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