make me make me impressed

[deshabille]

Who: CAPRINE CREW ASSEMBLE
Broadcast: None!
Action: Caprine & visitors!
When: After this shuffle!

[Well, all things considered, the Caprine isn't the biggest shitshow of a ship in the Fleet. Right now. At this particular moment. There are worse places to end up!]

[At least that's what the crew will tell you, Varric. Except possibly Nightingale, who tries to keep it real.]

[IT'S A MINGLE, EVERYBODY INSIDE.]

Comments

[nextlineis]

[Some people are just minding their own business when they come into the cargo bay. Minding their own business only to immediately make someone else's business their business. This is exactly what happens when Joseph walks in on Mal practicing ballet.]

[...Ballet.]

[Joseph slaps a hand over his mouth almost immediately and looks like he's about to cry. His shoulders start shaking as he forces himself not to look. He lasts approximately five seconds like this before he starts snorting and simply collapses to his knees with muffled laughter. He's just going to try and crawl away before she kills him.]

[deshabille]

[She's practicing a plie when Joseph shows up. The moment she sees him she sighs, a long, slow exhale, because she knows him and she knows what's coming. When he claps his hand over his mouth, then starts laughing, she cocks her head at him, more reminiscent of a predatory bird than a human being; and when he tries to crawl away, it looks almost like she's going to let him.]

[Almost.]

[But just before he's out of reach, she pushes up out of the plie and spins on her heel, aiming a roundhouse kick for his chin.]

[nextlineis]

[The unfortunate thing about being so big is that you are very difficult to miss when you're not paying attention. So laughing when in the presence of someone who can and will very easily kick your ass? You should probably stop. Sadly, Joseph does not do a lot of things he should probably do and thus he is flipped over onto his back by that kick.]

[...And yet, that is not enough to make him stop laughing. He might actually be nearing hysteria as he's just shaking with silent laughter on the floor.]

[deshabille]

[Well, at least he's down now. She lands easy on her feet after the kick, knees bent slightly, and spends no time considering her next move. When the belly is bared, you rip it apart.]

[Or, in this case, jump (quite gracefully, but not particularly true to form, and she's pleased Natasha isn't here to see it really) to land with both feet wedged firmly in his gut.]

[nextlineis]

[Okay, that gets him to stop laughing his fool head off. If only because it knocks the air completely out of him and sends him into a coughing fit, but he's really not that mad about it. There's still a 65% chance he'll keep laughing once he can breathe again. But in the meantime, he's knocking her off him.]

[deshabille]

[Obviously he isn't allowed to breathe ever again, then! She hops off when he swats at her, but not for long - it's two seconds to get her balance, and then she's jumping right back onto those abs with her pointy boots. Stomp, stomp.]

[nextlineis]

[Hell no! He's not letting that happen again so easily. Joseph's got a protective arm around those abs she's trying to stomp. This time, he's making a grab for her ankles to pull her completely off-balance and onto the ground.]

[deshabille]

[Wow, rude. Unfortunately he gets her and sweeps her onto the ground, onto which she lands on her shoulders and with a loud grunt. She kicks him in the side then, but without too much gusto. People are so breakable, and he probably needs his kidneys.]

Cut it out! I'll bite you.

[nextlineis]

[He would like to keep this kidneys, yes. Thank you for being so considerate, Mal. At the threat of being bitten though, Joseph makes a face.]

Gross! Who the hell bites people?

[deshabille]

[She opens her mouth to say something, and then . . . just sort of looks at him. He really doesn't know, does he? Not the most observant fork in the box, or whatever the hell.]

People with good teeth, [is what she settles on.]

[nextlineis]

That's weird. [Thank you, Joseph. Your commentary is always enlightening to such an amazing degree. What would anyone do without you?] Don't bite people or I'll have to muzzle you.