driftfleet | play a jingle, it's a mingle!

...oh.

[So, he was here for someone else, then. Fine. She turns around and starts back ward her shuttle, not wanting him to see her expression, and very much determining to get herself gone.]

[He didn't mean it like that! But as he sees her start to leave, he tries to call out to her.]

Wait!

[Then, in a quieter voice.]

...Could we talk?

[Rogue glances back at him. She turns back to face him and crosses her arms defensively.]

Yes. If ya want. We can talk.

[He tries to get himself to look at her.]

...I do.

If- if it's okay.

[She hates everything about this. She especially hates how he looks like she's going to snap and tear his head off any minute. It's ridiculous.

She forces her tone to be gentle, but there is still a hint of irritated steel beneath it.]

Ya don't need ta look like that. No one's gonna hurt ya. [She turned and headed back toward the main area of the ship.] C'mon, let's go someplace more private.

O-okay. [He nods and gathers his nerves as he follows her over there, while he tries to think of the words to say.]

[She feels pressure to speak like an itch between her shoulder blades, like the wings that aren't there anymore.

But she waits until they're someplace quiet and private, leans against the side of the wall when she turns to Kurt.

He looks so miserable. It would be very easy to just level him with a look and wait in silence, but she's trying to be more than that now, and as angry and frustrated and hurt as she is, he is still her brother.]

Alright. I'm listenin'.

[He looks towards her, rubbing at his arms uncertainly as he remembers it all. The good times... and the bad times. Everything came flowing back, while cut with those vague memories from that other month, of that mysterious room that had to do with Rogue.

He does get the strength to look her in the eye. She should be his sister. As her brother, he has to try to make things right.]

Well... It's just... I don't know what to think. I know I said... a lot of things when I got here. Everything felt so fresh.

But I keep thinking. About what happened and about... about that weird dream thing the other month. I thought that I had lost you already when- what that happened.

[He shakes his head.]

Now it feels more like... I'm letting myself lose you. I... I don't want to give up anymore, Rogue. I want to try... to understand.

[Lost her? She'd had five whole years without him seeing her, and he hadn't even cared.

Alright. Alright.

She kept her expression strictly neutral.]

What do ya wanna understand?

Everything! [He blurts that out and then withdraws.] N-no, not everything. Just... the truth about you, and how you feel and...

[He shakes his head.]

I know I was impossible when I came to this place. But... I want to listen now.

[Rogue crosses her arms. For a moment, she doesn't say anything.]

...I appreciate that when ya came here, it was a very raw pain for you. There is nothin' I can say or do that will change what happened on the cliff that night, an' while I am sorry for hurtin' you, an' sorry I was the one that killed her, I am not sorry she's dead. Kurt, she lied ta me from the day she took me in, she lied ta me an' made me think that the X-Men, you, were all tryin' ta kill me on the day I got my powers. Heck, she pretended ta be my friend an' used me again ta get the information an' access to the mansion which practically blew up the New Recruits. An' then she served me up ta Apocalypse like appetizers on a platter. I am not sorry she's dead. If I went back even now ta that cliff face, I still don't know what I'd do. And that's the truth.

[And when she'd told it to a stranger, to someone who barely knew her, he'd said good. And she shouldn't have needed to tell it to Kurt, he'd seen all this happen and still looked at her like she was a monster. She'd made a bad choice, one which she now saw as a natural choice, out of pain and grief and betrayal; she'd warned Kurt that she wasn't ready and he'd still pushed her. Maybe she was a monster, but she didn't stop living just because she'd turned into one. She believed that even monsters could turn around in their life, and she was no exception to the rule of redemption.

Kurt had helped her see that once. Twice, really. But right now, after months -- months -- of nothing from the one who should have been her closest friend in the fleet, someone who hadn't even expressed an interest in her five years of captivity? She didn't feel like she needed his forgiveness. He'd already given it to her twice. She wasn't going to go crawling to him on her knees; she had come to the slow and steady realization that she was not the only one who was wrong here. He was too. He should have listened to her.

They were both kids, and she forgave him for that although he'd likely never ask for it. But she wasn't going to let herself fall into the same level of guilt she had in the past; Jim had said good, and she didn't think he was entirely wrong either. She would tell Kurt the truth and see what he made of it.]

[He ends up bowing his head as she speaks, and so many of her words hit him hard. By the end, he's silent and on the verge of tears as he contemplates that.

What did he want? A desperate hope that Mystique would change if they helped her - that she would somehow have answers he would want to hear? That Rogue would prove herself to be 'better' than Mystique by having mercy? He's not sure anymore. All that grief which felt so raw and overwhelming when he came here hasn't exactly gone away, but it's subsided enough to give rise to other feelings and thoughts.

And it's all helped Kurt to realize how blinded he has been by his own perspective. He had known that both of them had every reason to hate Mystique, but he could not properly understand the depths of Rogue's feelings. Even with whatever he remembers from that calibration room, he still feels like he's only scratching the surface. But all of that plus her words has helped him to realize one thing at least: that what she did does not invalidate her. It does not make her worse than Mystique. It's still too hard for Kurt to come to grips with the idea of someone needing to die for the greater good. Even someone as hurtful as Mystique.

His head raises enough so that he can glance at her, trying to meet her eyes with his own soft expression. And he can't find words to express everything that he's feeling right now, but instead he just breathes a word raggedly.]

O-okay. [At this moment, with his mind and heart still reeling, all he can manage is that word. A confirmation that he hears her, that he is listening this time.]

[That wasn't much of a response. Rogue's lips press into a line.]

This is the third time we've had a conversation like this. Ya don't remember the first two times, 'course. The first time was back home, when it looked like I was leavin' the X-Men when Remy kidnapped me. The second time was in Luceti. You forgave me both times, 'cause you're a better person'n I am.

[She lifted her chin a little.] I ain't askin' you for that. I told ya how it is. Ya need ta accept that or not, 'cause neither one of us can go back an' change it.

I... I did...? [He lets that soak in. There's even more to take in then he thought. Remy kidnapped her? And she's from the future... and he forgave her in two different places. He takes another moment before he speaks.

First, he shakes his head in answer to his own question.]

Never mind, that doesn't matter now. This is... what's important.

I understand, Rogue. I get what happened. What happened is... it's done. And she's not here anymore, but... but we still are.

play a jingle, it's a mingle!

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Have ten million apologies (and a gagtag) as I try to get back into this IF THAT IS OKAY

we can give it a shot!

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