gotta get down for a mingle

[redactions]

Who: The crew of the SS Heron and visitors.
Broadcast: nope.
Action: Aboard the SS Heron.
When: After returning to the ship.

[ finally back on the right ship, except the corridors are all mysteriously cold and the ship seems smaller. Thanks, Atroma. New crew, visitors, starters in comments ]

Comments

[redactions]

Not at all.

[ Nothing restful. He's so used to being watched over that without it feels like the ground giving way. Every creak the ship makes alerts him. ]

It's never as bad as Bastogne, but I always hated the cold.

[reconstitution]

Sorry.

[ He really does want to try and not rely on Jim so heavily- like a crutch. Every time he thinks about it, though, he finds that he can't give in.

He is weak. Winter leans his head back against the cold wall, exhaling through his nose. ]

I don't remember that.

[redactions]

[ He shouldn't need this either but he does. He accepts it. The Winter Soldier already owned the worst parts of him before the man was made manifest. ]

Don't be. Maybe you'll remember all of it eventually. It's not important to me that you do. Just make new memories, then. Better ones than you've had.

[reconstitution]

[ At this point, he honestly doesn't want all the rest of his memories back. While he wants the good ones, he just.. doesn't want to deal with all the bad ones in its wake. ]

Yeah.. maybe.

[ Winter is just so fucking tired down to his bones. ]

They can't be any worse, right?

[redactions]

Anything is better than -- what they did.

[ Gentle, and encouraging. Jim closes his eyes briefly, resting against Winter comfortably. ]

[reconstitution]

Hope so.

[ He stays quiet for a few moments, then shifts his shoulder. ]

Go to sleep..

[redactions]

[ He doesn't even need to say it. Jim's already fallen asleep sitting against him, breathing deep and slow. He murmurs, but doesn't thrash, barely moves, stirring hours later. ]

That was some nap.

[reconstitution]

Do you feel better?

[ He stays still and tries to get some form of sleep of his own, but it just won't come. Thankfully he just looks naturally tired. ]

[redactions]

Much.

[ He exhales. ]

You should sleep too.

[reconstitution]

Tried already.

[ He shakes his head. ]

I'm fine.

[redactions]

[ Jim turns to give him a long look. ]

Something on your mind?

[reconstitution]

Lots of things..

[ He reaches up to rub his face with his flesh hand. ]

Too many things at once.

[ Because if one thing is certain, life just loves shitting on James Buchanan Barnes. ]

[redactions]

[ His expression turns wry, and he leans in to press their foreheads together. The shared breath never feels frosty. ]

Wanna talk about it?

[reconstitution]

Not...really?

[ He offers Jim a tight smile, just relishing in the forehead touch. ]

Sorry.

[redactions]

That's all right.

[ Moments of silence lapse. He doesn't need to pretend to be more or less than he is, in front of the mirror. ]

Did you talk to Steve?

[reconstitution]

I did.

[ The response comes after what seems like considerable thought. They had talked, but Winter still has mixed feelings about the whole ordeal. It's getting harder to tell what people want from him, and he's wary of coming up with a wrong answer.

All of that aside, he should be able to talk to Jim about it with no problem, right? For some reason, he can't bring himself to. ]

[redactions]

[ Softly, ]

Are you okay?

[reconstitution]

[ Immediately. ]

I'm fine.

[redactions]

[ He's not happy with the brevity of it -- the bluntness of the answer. But it's hard to be angry at someone for doing the same thing Jim himself would do. They're the same. ]

All right. You know you can talk to me about anything?

[reconstitution]

[ His reply is quieter, this time, accompanied by the briefest nod. ]

I know..

[ He doesn't want to be more of a burden- especially now that Jim has to deal with his ship being wrong. ]

[redactions]

You also know if something's bothering you I'll cut it out, right?

​​[ He can dance around the issue and not push as much as he wants. But they're the same. Which means Jim is also sometimes painfully direct. ]

[reconstitution]

It's nothing you've done. It's just me.

[ He gets that they're the same, but Jim is never a burden or any real for of problem.. Well. Even if he were, the situation resolves itself easily enough. ]

I'm glad to be back, though. [ Even if it is cold enough to be a cause for concern. ]

[redactions]

And we're friends. You can tell me anything.

​[ Jim leans against him. ]

Glad to have our own ship back. I missed her.

[reconstitution]

I know. A lot has happened.

[ He gets comfortable, leaning right back into Jim's weight against him. ]

..I thought most of it wasn't real, for a while.

[ And quickly changing topics, ]

It's quiet again.

[redactions]

​[ There's a pause, a soft exhale of breath. There's no manual for bringing someone back from the edge. He's always afraid of the wrong buttons; the pits the Soldier has that are still forming in Jim. ]

Can I touch you?