gotta get down for a mingle

[redactions]

Who: The crew of the SS Heron and visitors.
Broadcast: nope.
Action: Aboard the SS Heron.
When: After returning to the ship.

[ finally back on the right ship, except the corridors are all mysteriously cold and the ship seems smaller. Thanks, Atroma. New crew, visitors, starters in comments ]

Comments

[enshields]

[Steve cracks a wry smile.]

Cheat code or not, I owe you an apology.

[redactions]

​[ There's a pause. Softly, ]

It's not right, that he'll do anything I say. One day that won't be the case, but we gotta — we gotta build to that.

[enshields]

[It's not right, but he'd. Gathered as much. Jim doesn't need to know that it galls him to hear it aloud.]

Give it time. We'll work through it. I'll help.

[redactions]

​[ Doesn't know, could probably guess, doesn't do that either. ]

Yeah. Peggy's been doin' her own... digging. He likes her.

[enshields]

[His smile loses some of its veracity, blink-and-you-miss-it. His voice is wistful, but not weighted when he replies,]

What's not to like?

[redactions]

​[ A soft, amused sound. ]

Yeah, yeah. Bein' in love looks real nice on ya, y'know.

​[ And her too. She's been smiling more. Not that she never smiles, but Peggy keeps herself immaculate. It's good to see her loosening up. ]

[enshields]

[He huffs. Doesn't deny it, just shoves Bucky back towards his chair.]

Food's gettin' cold.

[redactions]

​[ I don't care about the food, he nearly says. ]

All right. Eat up. I'll make somethin' better next time, and we can ask him if he wants to come.

[enshields]

You kidding? You have no idea how much I missed your Ma's meatloaf.

[He tucks in, elbows kept deftly off the table, dwelling only barely on brighter days.]

[redactions]

​[ He smiles widely, something boyish and shy. ]

I can do apple pie too, if ya want.

[enshields]

[Do you know who I am? he'd asked, and Steve thinks maybe he's not so far gone as the statement implied, not with Bucky Barnes shining through the cracks of him, just as honest and earnest as ever.]

How about we make some together, huh?

[redactions]

I'd like that.

​[ A pause. ]

You should move to our ship. Y'know. If it's not too cold in here. We have a blanket fort in the cargo bay or my office, usually.

[enshields]

[He exhales, sets his fork down and reaches for his glass to forestall an immediate answer.]

You don't think it'd... [he gestures with his Coke.] complicate things?

[redactions]

Honestly? I don't know. It could help, it might not. We won't know unless we try, right?

[enshields]

[Buck's never been an optimist, it's-- unsettling to see him don those dancing shoes for Steve's benefit.

Or is it for his own? That hollowed-out man that Hydra took and twisted. How easy is it for Bucky to see that as a dark mirror?]

Why don't we ask him?

[redactions]

​[ Hope is for children. He keeps it only for the Winter Soldier who needs — him. Somehow. ]

I will. I'll tell you soon s'I know.

[enshields]

[He takes a bite of the meatloaf, chews it slower than he needs to. He wants to say, don't push it. Don't rush it, don't-- Steve's spent too long looking for him. The knowledge that he wants to stay lost is... not something he's been able to overlook.]

If it's-- better. Easier. I don't mind where I am.

[redactions]

We'll see.

​[ Stubborn to the last. It'll take time and he hates to ask Steve to be patient, but they've waited long enough, and Winter's already on his way to becoming... something. ]

[enshields]

[He exhales, and is only faintly surprised he remembers how.]

He doesn't know me.

[It's said carefully. It's not his fault, and Steve would never blame him. It doesn't ache like it used to, this bone's been cracked, set straight. But it still has its cold fingers hooked in under his ribs.]

[redactions]

Yes, he does.

​[ He saw it in the room. I knew him. The punishment that followed. There's a block; and Jim is good for breaking. ]

I saw it. I know it's there. Something has to give, then it'll surface.

[enshields]

[Reflexive,]

It's okay. If he doesn't. It's-- all right. We can make new memories.

[redactions]

[ He tilts his head slightly, an expression that's not bitter or cold, but deeply searching. It's one Natasha might give him. Steve never flinches from sticking his hands in the mud. What's he afraid of? Jim could push at it, in all the ways he knows he's allowed to push Steve; but they're both cracked and changed. Transmuted. He knows the metal of him but not how much it's withstood. ]

We'll see.

[enshields]

[He just doesn't want Bucky to feel like he's got anything to live up to. Like his only value is in the memories they share. That's not it. It'll never be it, and Steve just nods once, briskly.]

That's fair.

[redactions]

[ You need to break a bone to set it right, sometimes. They've finished eating. Jim stands, expecting to clear the table. ]

[enshields]

[He follows suit, and carries the dishes to the sink. Unless Bucky intervenes, he'll start washing them in silence.]