001

[housepartyprotocol]

Who: Tony Stark and anyone!
Broadcast: Fleetwide
Action: Still on The Marsiva
When: Now

[ The video feed crackles to life, and on the screen is a man looking equal parts composed and annoyed. He settles into the frame and smiles wryly.]

I'm not going to waste time here asking where we are, since I'd like to think we can all recognize space, but fair warning: you've got about [ he looks at his watch ] 2 minutes before I start taking this place apart. Not a threat, just making you aware that without a pretty impressive explanation, I will cannibalize your lovely and expensive ship and fly myself home.

[ He smiles briefly and with no humor before sitting back in his chair and tapping his watch. ]

Comments

[complicatedliar]

[Not the one he knows, he'll wager.]

If I was kidding, it would start out, a Jotun, an Dwarf, and a Vanir walk into a tavern.

[housepartyprotocol]

Does that joke end with you in handcuffs being taken back to Asgard?

[complicatedliar]

Oh darling, you are so very behind the times. Did that, cooled my heels in the dungeon, got let out by Thor, sacrificed myself to keep the meathead and his mortal lady alive. Bled out in the ashes out Svartalfheim after being run through with a spear.

I can't say the reading material's improved since my demise. Nor the company.

[housepartyprotocol]

Well then.

Seems Thor keeps his private life private. Or he didn't think it was worth mentioning.

[complicatedliar]

[Shrug.]

Well, I wouldn't blame him for not wanting to spread the tale of how he released an incredibly naughty mass murderer from prison and then that horrid and irredeemable criminal that everyone wanted to execute was apparently instrumental in saving the Nine Realms from Malekith.

Or at least I assume that is what happened, since people further than I in the timeline have shown up and you all still seem to be alive. So it would seem Thor managed to not cock up the opportunity I paid for so dearly. Or I'd surmise Lady Foster's the one who didn't cock it up, since she is the brains of that pair, isn't she.

[housepartyprotocol]

You know it's frowned upon to be a self righteous martyr when your death clearly didn't take.

[complicatedliar]

After the sterling example set by you, my brother, and Vision, I thought I'd give self-righteousness a try. It does feel very nice, doesn't it?

I'm thinking next week I might try on scolding other people for doing things that I myself do constantly, since that, too, seems delightful.

[housepartyprotocol]

Hey, you're the one who said you bled out. Seems you might have trumped up the rumors of your own demise a little. Really takes the punch out of your argument.

[complicatedliar]

You'd be shocked by the number of dead men walking about in this place. They do like to snatch one up right before the good part starts. [He snorts.] What a charming con that would be. I wish I'd thought to do that instead of getting my liver bisected.

[housepartyprotocol]

[ Takes a moment from bickering to consider that. ]

There are people who died? Before getting here?

[complicatedliar]

Yes. I know not how common it is here since I am recently arrived myself, but it was very common in the place I was held before.

[Smile.]

A village called Luceti, not Asgard's dungeons.

At any rate, it is a timeline issue. Plucked out of one's native stream to be here, seemingly returned at the same moment if ever one leaves.

[Tony isn't an idiot. He ought to read that implication clearly.]

[housepartyprotocol]

Well, then I guess there are at least a few people here who won't be fighting me for a ride home.

[complicatedliar]

Not planning to save everyone, Tony?

[How heroic of you.]

[housepartyprotocol]

I can think of at least one I'm not too worried about leaving in space.

[complicatedliar]

Oh yes, change and redemption are the exclusive property of humans. How forgetful of me.

[housepartyprotocol]

[ Rolling his eyes. ]

Dial back the tiny, sarcastic, violins. Last I saw you, you tried to flatten my city. Everything else is just here-say.

[complicatedliar]

Life goes on. As does death.

Well, I suppose you could always see about having me executed if your thirst for vengeance is insufficiently slaked.

I think you'd be less of a bastard about it than Odin, actually. Hm.

[housepartyprotocol]

[ Another sigh. ]

What did I say about the violins? No one on my side tried to have you executed, or had that slipped your mind?

[complicatedliar]

You simply sent me back to Asgard, where Odin would have executed me, but for the continual intervention of my mother.

But that is really beside the point. It is all right, Tony. I know you're not nearly interested in those... fairness and justice things as my brother or even Steve Rogers are.