(no subject)

[sandhate]

Who: Anakin
Broadcast: Fleetwide video
Action: Marsiva - Hospitality Deck
When: Dec. 17th

[ His first moments of waking up are pretty typical; groggy mumbling, hands and arms flapping around and a jerk that brings him upright then standing. Something... feels wrong. ]

Wha- Where am I?

[ His hands goes to his belt, only to grasp at air. It's alright, don't panic. It's not the first time he lost his lightsaber, not the first time he's gotten a concussion with the foggy space in his memory either. He checks his right arm, gripping it along the junction where durasteel meets flesh while he takes in his surroundings.

He scowls at the video feed that looks particularly turned on. But he doesn't care about that now. His arm is brought close to his face, and his own Jedi commlink beeps. ]

Obi-Wan? [ Nothing. ] Artoo, come in. [ More nothing. ] This is Anakin Skywalker, requesting emergency-- [ An odd electrical sound and click later, he sighs. ]

Great. I better not have to ask Obi-Wan to pick me up.

[ The same arm reaches out towards the ship's communicator and it flies to into his fist. Now, the feed points away from him and through his point of view as he scans the Hospitality deck. ]

What is ... this ship? [ The communicator shuffles. ] Where is this transmitting to?

Comments

[resnipstance]

[ Under different circumstances? She might be more hesitant. But even though seeing Anakin here and now is full of complicated emotions for her, she remembers all too well the confusion and frustration of her first few days aboard the Marsiva. She can only imagine Anakin is dealing with it even worse. It was only just bearable for her because she had nowhere important to be. So she wouldn't dream of refusing that request. Her expression softens in sympathy. ]

... Of course. Who else is going to show you the best spots to go sledding?

[sandhate]

[ He huffs a soft laugh. First time in a while. ]

Trust me, I've had enough of sledding for a lifetime. [ There's a rueful grin on his face when he realize that she wouldn't know about the sledding he did recently. ] Long story, I'll tell you when I can.

[resnipstance]

[ Well that gets an amused eyebrow raise. ]

... No, hang on, that sounds like something I want to hear about. Did you have to go sledding for a mission?

[sandhate]

[ It's not just a long story. It's a crappy story. He feels both anger and regret for Clovis. A long exhale later, he starts. ]

Senator Amidala got into some trouble with the Banking Clan on Scipio. I rescued her from them, only to get targeted by a bounty hunter. They shot our speeder and the power was fried. No repulsor lift, barely any steering and no brakes. So we went "sledding" down a mountain. I had to use my lightsaber to steer us away. And we were being shot at, too. And we almost ran out of mountain.

Luckily, Artoo got us in time. Everyone got back to Coruscant safely.

[resnipstance]

... Yikes. That sounds... less fun than the version I had in mind.

[sandhate]

[ A small smile. ]

I could've used you out there, Snips.

[resnipstance]

[ Ugh. The guilt that remark induces in Ahsoka is so intense, Anakin can probably feel it from the Marsiva. But she squashes it down angrily. Maybe if the Council had been better Jedi, she wouldn't have had to leave. It's still such a fresh wound for her-- even the two months she's spent here haven't been long enough for her to divorce herself from the bitterness she still feels over the whole affair, try as she might. As a result, the reply she eventually settles on is stilted beyond belief, distinctly un-Ahsoka-like. A desperate attempt to convey a neutral response to a situation she feels anything but neutral about. She may not be a Jedi anymore, but it's clear she still holds herself to the standards of the Code anyway. ]

... I'm sure the Council will assign you a new Padawan soon.

[ She doesn't mean anything by it-- quite the opposite, really. It's just the first thing that comes to mind to say that doesn't sound bitter or angry or sad. ]

[sandhate]

[ He shouldn't have said that. The guilt from her makes things worst. He still thinks she should have came back, the Jedi is their life. The Order is their family. He is her family. To walk away was to abandon him. And though he understands the wont to, he can't help but be frustrated and angry about it - the only way he can express his hurt.

Though right now, the Order is in a galaxy far far away and he only feels a sharp bitterness at how formal her words were.

He wants to harshly snap at her for even suggesting he should have a new Padawan. A sharp whisper that hinted at all the betrayal and hurt. How could you say that? And he had started with that, until it devolves - until all he wants to say he doesn't want a new Padawan. ]

I was on Utapau. Me and Obi-Wan were investigating Master Tu-Anh's death. We were... stranded.

And I thought I could've commed you for help. Because there is no one in this whole galaxy I could have trusted to have my back more than you.

1/2

[resnipstance]

[With genuine shock, and sadness:] ... Master Tu-Anh died?

[But no, that's not what's important here. Ahsoka tries valiantly to reign in her feelings, to sort out what to say to that.]

2/2

[resnipstance]

[Finally:]

... If you're ever in real trouble, Anakin ... I wouldn't begrudge you calling me. Even if things can't be the same, you're still-- you're still important to me. You know that, right?

[sandhate]

She was shot down by Separatist associates.

[ A beat. ]

What I'm saying, Ahsoka. What I'm trying to say is no one can replace you.

[resnipstance]

[Ow. She should be happy to hear that, and once upon a time she would've been, but right now it just feels like twisting the knife.

She doesn't really know what to say to that, though. After a moment's silence, she realises she's been quiet too long.]

... Why do you even still want to be a part of them so badly, anyway?

[After all that. And she knows the question isn't fair. She knows why. Part of her wishes she could take back what she now knows so she could go back to the Jedi Order, too. Have that sense of belonging and community back again. She doesn't think she'll find that anywhere else in the galaxy ever again. But still. She knows Anakin has his doubts too. And his reasons.]

[sandhate]

[ The question startles him. No one ...has ever really asked that, besides his mother. He has never asked himself that. It's not a question, at all. And if it was, it was always yes. When he was a child, being a Jedi was everything. It took him away from a life of slavery to a life with stars, ships and adventures.

It was everything he wanted. It still is.

The Temple never did him any favours; it never brought him that golden warmth and peace that many in the Order knows of. For him, that was his mother. ]

...Because. Because they fight for the people, Ahsoka. We fight for the ones that can't do it themselves.

[resnipstance]

Sure. And so do I. Do you think I'm going to just sit on my butt now that I'm not a Jedi any more?

Why do you need the Council to help people?

[sandhate]

It's not just the Council!

[ He can't even believe Ahsoka is asking this! ]

It's a network of people who knows, have been trained, to do good. You can help people, by yourself. But can you help civilizations, a whole planet, by yourself?

[ A sigh; why the fuck is he even defending them. ]

Ahsoka, I know you have ...anger against the Council right now. [ He does, too. But it doesn't do well to encourage that by saying it. ] But you have to remember that the Masters on the Council are not the Jedi as a whole.

[resnipstance]

Maybe not! But the beliefs and actions of the Council filter down into the ranks of ordinary Jedi. How many Jedi do you think are out there right now, who believe that the actions the Council took against me were right and justified, simply because it was the Council who did it?

[sandhate]

How many Jedi do you think is still out there! Our ranks are thinning, the Separatists are unrelentless. They only lose droids while our friends are dying and you--

[ You quit. ]

[resnipstance]

I what, Anakin?

[She doesn't really need him to complete the sentence, though. That much is clear in her tone. She knows him well enough to have a good idea of what the rest of it was going to be. It's not really a question so much as a dare. Dare you to finish that sentence. Because she wasn't angry before, but she is now.]

I did what was right. Did you-- did you think you would just turn Barriss in, and that everything would just go back to normal after all that? That I could just go on pretending like the Order has our backs, that the way they conduct themselves is right? They don't, and it's not!

[sandhate]

[ He knew he went too far, but in the moment, he thought of her leaving, turning her back to everything that they were, everything that they were raised to be. Those heroes. The ones looking out for each other. ]

Yes, I did! Because that was our lives!

[ This isn't how he imagined this conversation going. Maybe Obi-Wan was right - talking to her doesn't help. ]

You didn't just leave the Order, Ahsoka, you left us. Me and Obi-Wan and Master Plo. Every one of our friends.

[resnipstance]

What-- so I should have just stayed? Just like that? Stayed in an Order I know doesn't follow their own Code, in an Order I no longer have any faith in, and who no longer have any faith in me? ... That's the answer? I should have just stayed for other people, regardless of my own feelings, and swallowed my doubts?

I'm sorry, Anakin-- maybe you can do that. But I can't.

[sandhate]

[ He's quiet for a moment. He could say, he could hear Obi-Wan saying - no, lecturing - how that would be the Jedi way. The Jedi always put their feelings aside, for the good of others. They have done that for eons.

But he doesn't believe that. This is more personal for them. It's not about the Order, it's about him and Ahsoka and how they were supposed to have each others' backs. ]

I had faith in you. Did you have any in me, as your Master, when I asked you to come back?

[resnipstance]

Of course I did! I still do. Anakin, I trust you more than anyone.

But this isn't about you. I can't-- I can't stay just for you, even if part of me wants to. That isn't the Jedi way. And it's not healthy, either. I have to find my own path.

[sandhate]

[ There it is. The painful truth. She can't stay for him. ]

Fine. I don't want to talk about this anymore.

[ End feed. ]

[resnipstance]

Anakin--

[And then she's cut off.

There's a surge of emotions through their bond-- anger and frustration, but also pain, hurt, betrayal, confusion-- before Ahsoka roughly severs it and shuts down.]