driftfleet | Windrose, where the wind blows

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Windrose, where the wind blows

Who: Windrose crew and you, distinguished visitors!
Broadcast: Naaah.
Action: Windrose, various points in the near vicinity
When: Until we get off this frozen rock

[On New Year's Day, the crew on board the Windrose and those nearby may notice the chill as the doors to the cargo bay are left open, and their captain making quite a bit of noise as she inspects their newly expanded home away from home. This is likely to go on for a while. Feel free to come investigate, chat among yourselves, complain about the cold, etc!]

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[ He's reluctant to say it outright, but he doesn't think she'll take it the wrong way. ]

To say thank you.

[ Because that's what you do when someone has shown you any amount of kindness. Winter's unsure whether he had an additional motive or not. They've talked three times, now, and there's still so much neither of them are saying.

Maybe this is how it's going to be. ]

[There is a lot that isn't being said. It's how she functions, more or less, and how she communicates; between the lines, in body language and subtle turns of phrase. A hard habit to break. He isn't like that, not really. Covert ops isn't the same as espionage, and the Soldier was always a hammer, albeit a silent one. She opts for the same approach. It's part of why she's spent so much time thinking, this past month.]

You're welcome, Winter. Is that still what you want to be called?

[It's the first time she's used anything resembling a name, with him.]

[ He isn't startled by the use of name, but it's certainly unexpected. She didn't necessarily even need to use it, because he's aware she knows him by a different name. It's getting harder to not simply cave into that. ]

I think so. Yes..

[ His thoughts go to the little girl, Katie, who didn't want to call him something so cold and frigid. Maybe it doesn't fit him as he'd thought.

...God, he doesn't know. ]

[She emerges from the crawlspace, more or less satisfied, and pauses for a moment to look at him, dusting off her thighs. He seems to think about the answer, really think about it. He's been doing a lot of that, lately. It's good. He's not just going from one master to another. He's trying to become a new man. She can respect that.]

You let me know if that changes.

[After a moment, she reaches out to take the panel back.]

Names have always been disposable for me. Doesn't much matter what people call me. A name doesn't have to be your whole identity.

[He doesn't have to be Winter, even if that's what he's called. He doesn't have to be the same James Barnes he was before, even if that's the name he chooses to use. That's all she's trying to say.]

[ He's absolutely certain that the reason he even gives these things consideration is the influence of others. Were they not a part of the picture, he's not sure that he'd be where he is mentally at the moment. Not having a handler is still something he's getting used to, and admittedly, has trouble with sometimes.. But the thing is, nobody gives a shit. Or expects him to be someone he's not. Not that he even knows who that is.. But he's figuring it out.

Somehow. He still wants to be the person that they expect him to, but it's hard to fill in when it feels like the skin doesn't fit any longer.

A name doesn't have to be your whole identity.. it's a novel idea, but when you don't really have an identity, it's a little harder. He's working on that, though. ]

..I'll let you know.

[ Or he won't, and just continue on, because that's a hassle. ]

[He could pretend to be the person they expect him to be. She might, were their places reversed; it's easier that way. Be who they want you to be.She's asked Steve that very thing before: who do you want me to be? The answer wasn't quite what she expected. Maybe he should try asking. Maybe he should start with the identity, and work up to the name. Often one influences the other.]

Good.

[Fitting the panel back in place, she dusts off her hands, looking up at him a little more intently. Over the months, it's gotten easier to see him as he is, and not how she remembers. There's a difference. He's different.]

Have you eaten yet?

[ The only reason he hasn't jumped fully into trying to be Bucky Barnes is because Steve had said that he doesn't care if he doesn't get those memories back. It's a small consolation, because he doesn't know if he wants to be that person. There's someone else that he's gotten to know that he would much rather emulate.. ]

I haven't. It's fine.

[ Winter really doesn't want her to go out of her way or anything. But she will anyway if it's what she wants to do. ]

[Her look changes slightly, just one cant of an eyebrow a fraction of an inch upwards. Maybe there are parts of the brain that don't change no matter how much they screw with the rest. Or maybe he's just been spending too much time with a certain someone.

So she uses what she's picked up from one of those someones, and just shrugs.]

I was headed out planetside to get something to eat that isn't nutrient paste. You could come, if you want.

[It's pretty much an outright invitation. Call it an experimental field trip.]

[ He's definitely been spending way too much time with them. Then again, no one could truly take away every ounce of James Buchanan Barnes' stubbornness. It's as ingrained in him as military tactics.

Winter considers his options, and how can he say no? He's being given permission to stay in her presence, and he can't deny that he isn't curious about her, about the past they shared. Even getting to know her again.. He nods curtly. ]

If my company won't disturb you.

[His words, improbably, make her smile. She doesn't laugh, he wouldn't understand that, but she can't help the smile. If his company won't disturb her. A hell of a lot disturbs her about this entire situation, but he's only a symptom, not the cause. And she is, admittedly, curious about him, too. Who he's becoming, yes, but also who he's been. If he remembers anything more. If he wants to.

Shrugging, she walks over to the stairway, grabs the leather jacket draped on the banister and shrugs it on, before heading back to him.]

You don't disturb me. Anything in particular you feel like?

[ He doesn't say it to be funny, still testing the waters on how this friendship is going to go. There are different dynamics to this than with being friends with Steve or Peggy-- or even Jim. Winter is drawn to the mysterious woman who he's had two separate run-ins with in the past and survived. He's still not sure how, but he's grateful for one less life on his hands.

He's not sure how to answer her question, though. He's still trying to come up with things like preference, there's still that huge gap he's missing of things he can't remember tasting. Instead, he shakes his head. ]

Whatever you think is best.

[The words are typical for him. Whatever she thinks is best. He's letting her draw the lines, which isn't stupid. Neither one of them really knows where they stand with the other. Before the Fleet, every time they'd met there had been violence, bloodshed. Even here, the first time had almost ended very badly, for one or both of them. And now...well. Now there's Steve to remind him of who he used to be, Barnes to show him who he could have become, and Peggy to humanize everything in between. All Natasha is is a reminder of the things they made him do, she thinks. But still--he came here to see her. Has to be a reason for that.]

What about something new? For both of us. I haven't eaten at that little place over on the edge of town yet.

[ It's easier to let someone else set the boundaries in the game he's still learning the rules to. That, and he's still working on the fact that it's okay to have an opinion that isn't agreeing. It's been a bit harder than he's anticipated- Hydra has wormed their way into every part of his brain, and he's attempting to bleed them out.

Natasha isn't the ghostly reminder that she thinks- it's quite the opposite, in fact. If anything, she succeeds in helping ground him. He has a history that didn't involve him just being Hydra's attack dog- there was real human contact at some point, and it helps..even to remind him that he was unmade, not created. He used to be different, but Winter isn't sure whether it was good or bad.

He nods, stepping to the side for her to pass. He hesitates a moment before falling into stride just behind at her right. He doesn't really know how or if she ranks, so he goes for something neutral. ]

New is good.

[She isn't sure what he thinks of her. One of the very few people she feels that way about, honestly; most everyone she's good at judging, or controlling their perceptions of her. He's a different story, but then, he's always been. It's one reason why she's interested in this, in who he's becoming. Part of his definition of self might end up helping her define a nebulous part of her past that she hasn't really thought hard about in years.

Hence trying something new, for both of them. This is new ground on all counts.

The position he falls into reminds her strongly of Rogue, neutral ground, letting her lead but not exactly following. It's a good start. A show of trust, on her part, letting him have any access to her back whatsoever. Leading the way off the ship, she makes for their destination, pace easy.]

Have you enjoyed your time planetside?

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Windrose, where the wind blows

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