driftfleet | vid/action

Who: michael j. caboose + whoever wants to engage this mess
Broadcast: the entire fleet, unfortunately
Action: marsiva
When: now!

[there is a guy(?) in the helmet of a space marine staring into the screen. once he's certain it's on, he backs up, and yeah-- dude is in full armor. given the attire, it might look like he's about to say something serious. and then he actually starts speaking.]

I am on TV! I am on TV! Look! Ah! Hellooooooo! [cue waving his arms around like a fool]

Um!! Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today... I would like to thank the academy. And, uhhh, Church. My best friend. Without my best friend, I never would have gotten this far! I would also like to thank Taco Tuesdays. Oh, and that reminds me-- salsa. THANK YOU TO WHATEVER PLANET FOR CREATING SALSA.

The end. Closing time. Good night and good luck, America!

[if your character wants to find him in-person, it's not hard. he's the rather large pile of armor shouting at his communicator, which is placed on a nearby chair.]

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Oh! That! Yeah, haha. That thing. Right. Ahh... [fondly:] I do not want to do that.

[what were they talking about again

WITH COMPLETE EARNEST:]

Are you a computer?

[ Well, at least something the guy's said makes sense.

Switching briefly to voice-- they sound like an average, albeit slightly hoarse, preteen human. ]

No.

[ And back. ]

Does that answer your question?

Ah. Yes! You do not sound smart enough to be a computer.

[and he honest-to-god didn't mean that as an insult, as evidenced by his rather cheerful tone]

Really, now.

[ He's not wrong, but... ]

Bet I still sound smarter than you, though.

[excuse you. caboose goes silent for a few seconds. he steels his expression. not that anyone can see it. but it's his serious face. because this is a serious challenge.

and then:]

...

Nuh-uh.

[ If it's a fight he wants, it's a fight he will get. A verbal fight. Voice only, no video, because that feels safer-- ]

You're not doing much to prove it, you know.

Oh yeah! Well! What's two plus two!

[immediately after:]

FOUR. See, I did that instantly, as if I am a calculator. Which is a tiny computer that you can not really do things on aside from push buttons. But not the fun kind of buttons! Only math-buttons. Nobody likes math-buttons.

That's too easy. I've met dogs who knew the answer to that question.

[ Well...dog monsters. Who could speak and do math. ]

Okay thennnn... two plus... three!

IT'S SIX I WIN.

No...it really isn't. Where'd you go to school, anyway?

Uhhhhhhh Ivy League. [no that's not how that works] On the moon. [stop] Moon Ivy League! But they had to burn all my records because I was so good at everything that I made everybody feel really dumb and bad about themselves so you cannot find those documents! [SMOOTH]

[ Does Caboose hear that? That is the sound of a severely depressed child actually laughing.

...well, at him, but still. ]

Wow, that sure is a story.

Yes. And it is all true! Preeetty impressive, if I do say so myself.

I think you're the only one saying that...

Yes, of course I am the only one saying it! Who else would be!

Uh, nobody?

[ It's like they're having two different conversations. ]

That's right! Nobody! Just me.

[there is a lot of misunderstanding happening rn]

Are you seriously proud of that?

.........................................

Uh. Yes. [proudly, but with confusion:] Yes I am.

Is this some kind of joke?

Education is not a joke. It is kind of really important. And so is going to college. Which I aaaabsolutely did do. Once. A long time ago. On the moon. And the proof was lost in a blaze caused by........ [contradicts what he said like two minutes ago:] someone trying to make a campfire. Ah. Yeah. [reminiscent sigh] Those crazy kids! They just do the craziest things, in college!

Never mind, you're the only joke here.

[ Chara has never been to college, and even they think this is totally bullshit. ]

But I did not even say knock knock.

No, but you're-- saying all this stuff that's obviously made up and nobody would believe it!

Welllll.

I believe it.

(no subject)

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