driftfleet | .04 Scars are just places where I used to bleed

Entry tags:

.04 Scars are just places where I used to bleed

Who: Rogue
Broadcast: Text
Action: A corner table in Varrick’s bar on the Iskaulit
When: January 17th

[Around 10 this morning as time is measured, this text goes live across the network, the numbers set to anonymous:]

**Wanted** Pilot with a pilot augment willing to risk a little trouble. If interested, interviews will be held at the Space Bar from approximately 3-6 today. Compensation for time and trouble to be negotiated.

Action
[Rogue sits with her back to the wall with a decent view of the door. She’d asked the bartender to inform anyone who came in and inquired about interviews to point them in her direction, and Nami had graciously agreed. This had been in her mind to determine for a while, but Loki's disappearance had just given her the proper motivation to try it. There is a determined set to her shoulders even as she tries to relax and nurse her drink. This would be what her friends would call reckless if they were feeling kind about things, which would be why she didn't plan on telling them.

...Ugh, waiting for interviews was not the best. Maybe she should have brought a book. She pages absently through her communicator instead.]

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'cause that ain't something ya should have to shoulder, it ain't something ya deserve to have eatin' ya up, Rogue. [Remy had moved to put his feet down on the floor, half up from his seat to join her in standing, but it depended on what she did next.] If it ends up fuckin' things up, then... I guess it should had by now for the time 'm from. [There was a shake of his head, not wanting or thinking he can really get into the whole idea of how time travel is suppose to work.] Or something like that.

[--deserve!!]

Of course it's somethin' I deserve -- alive or dead, it doesn't change what I did! Even if--

[Alive. Goddamnit, how was that even possible? What -- what did she even do with that?

She swallowed, hard, and turned away.]

[That was it. Getting to his feet in and instant Remy reached out for her arm, knowing it wasn't a great move and expecting her to pull back and go into an ultra defensive mode, but it felt like the right thing to do.] One bad act don't make ya a bad person, like one good act don't make a bad person good, 'nd ya ain't no bad person Rogue. I know that.

[And that was exactly what she did, pulling her arm away from his touch.]

You don't know that 'bout me. How could you know that 'bout me? [Old thoughts, old habits of thinking.] Ya don't wind up with skin that saps the life out of everyone who touches ya an' be some kinda saint.

I do know that. [This brought Remy fully to his feet and it only took a stride or two to be in front of her and, without any really thought in his head other than needing to convince her she was wrong about this, that she was a good person, he shot out a hand to cup her face.

It was stupid, not only because he was well within her personal space than he had ever been before but also because even with his normal gloves on his fingers were exposed. This was something that once upon a time would lay him out for the next few minutes, her powers kicking in and draining enough energy off him to knock him out cold. Yet that was months ago, before he had his powers unlocked, before he and Jean had been practicing to find a way for him to let off that extra energy so it wouldn't blow him or the surrounding area up, before he had learned to make a shield around his body to burn off that energy. Now, now it was just warmth, too much warmth even for someone like him who naturally had a higher body temperature than most. Like holding a hand too close next to a heater, it lingering on the edge of being too hot to stand.]

I know the femme who reached out 'nd helps others despite what may had happened in the past, that swallow down her own issues to do the right thing by others, to try 'nd make others around her 'nto better people. Ya may not be a saint Rogue, but who the hell is? 'nd absorption or not, this merde with Mystique, ya a good person 'nd I ain't goin' to stand here 'nd let ya say or believe otherwise.

[Okay, what in the actual hell?

Rogue was a good fighter, her reflexes honed and sharp, but she knew that Remy's skills in hand-to-hand matched or surpassed hers, and she was far too surprised that he was actually doing what he'd done to move out of the way of his touch even if he'd given her the chance.

He touched her skin and his own was hot and he touched her skin with his and he was still standing there, speaking to her, but--

She jerked her head out of his grasp and stared at him, not responding to his words but to his actions, her eyes wide.]

What the hell, Remy?

[How did that happen?]

[Oh crap, that... that wasn't suppose to happen. Nope! Not at all!]

Ah, ahhh, [As much as he tried to get an answer nothing was coming to mind for Remy to say as he very quickly pulled his hand back. Oh he screwed up, didn't he, majorly screwed up.

Quick! Diversion! Or at least that was a ~~stupid~~ great idea if only he could figure out something to actually say.]

[Rogue knew, for a fact, that she could not touch Remy LeBeau. She'd kissed him once, under mind control, and the faintest brush of her lips had knocked him unconscious. She couldn't touch him.

She also knew that her powers were still very much intact. She could feel Logan's low growling in the back of her mind, Ororo's quiet resolve, Kurt's inner jubilation at just the thought of Mystique's being alive.

She was a mess with the news he'd delivered, her emotions rolling all around, but they focused into one thing, one present thing in front of her -- something was wrong. She shouldn't be able to touch him.

Rogue took a half-step closer.] You tell me what just happened.

[She wasn't going to give him a chance to back out of this, this was -- this was important.]

[Still trying to find the right words, that look from her, that step forward, it made him just let out a sigh, getting out of that moment of pure panic.]

Of all the times 've said this, this be the one 've hated to the most; it ain't ya, it's me. [It would be so much better if that wasn't true, that it had been her to learn her powers enough to control the ability to touch, not his warped logic that lead him to undo what had been done to him.]

[Ha ha, very clever. She's on the verge of a breakdown and he's throwing a line at her.

At least his expression was sincere. She didn't punch him. She reached out, gloved hand gripping his shirt and pulled him down to her eye level. She leaned forward, more decidedly in his space than would be anything other than a threat or within distance for a kiss, but neither of those things were going to happen -- because he could touch her, and she was furious - freaked out - deeply concerned. Too many of her foundations had been shifted in the past few minutes and Rogue did not respond well to that sort of thing.]

Don't ya think. I know that. I hear 'em now. Any time. Every minute. Every day. [She swallowed, refocused.] What just happened.

[She might not have the right to even ask, and normally she tried to respect that, as she tried to respect the space between them, but Rogue was flailing, frightened, and trying to grab onto something solid.]

['I wish it was ya though.' Not because he still didn't believe he did what was necessary, but it would be so much better if Rogue, his friend, his best friend in this whole warped world, or worlds, they were stuck in, had control. Even if it was only touch, even if the voices were still around, maybe it would balance out the two somehow and make them tolerable.

But that wasn't the case.] A change in my powers. [He wouldn't lie, as much as Remy wanted to keep it quiet. He had thrown her a lot of curve balls tonight, more than she deserved to have thrown her way, so it was the least he could do.]

[A change in my powers.

Rogue searched his gaze, her grip slowly relaxing as she took in what he was saying. His powers? His powers were kinetic energy... what did... energy.

She relaxed her grip, but didn't let his shirt go.]

...ya alright?

[That look of concern, it also reflected in her tone, it pushed from to expand on it all, to tell the truth. He let out a bit of a sigh.] Yeah, was by m' own choice. [Before adding.] It a long story.

[Yeah, that wasn't really an answer, that it was his choice. That didn't mean he was alright.

Long story, huh?] You're hittin' me with a lot of those today.

[Slowly, she dropped her hand from his shirt, giving him his space back. But that didn't mean she was willing to let the topic go. It was a strange thing, all he'd shared with her already just helped focus her into a point -- she wasn't going to just let this go.] Changed how?

[Seeing that change in her stance, that slight relaxation that didn't require her to cling to something anymore, Remy motioned a hand to the chair she had been in before adjusting the one he had been seated in so it was resettled at the table.

Where did he start with this all? The beginning? Holding off on answering her question right away, he instead posed a couple to her.] Ya remember that merde with the dreams a month or so back? Do ya remember much of what ya saw of mine? [Whatever happened Remy remembered enough of them to know he had several people traipsing through his mind, but only one that got to see the darker side of it; her.]

[Rogue quietly sat down, tension still in the set of her shoulders, but intent.

Her face clouded again at that. Oh. Yes. She remembered.] I remember a few things.

[She remembered his mask. She remembered the blood. She hadn't... been thinking much of it, it wasn't her business. But.]

Feels kinda dream-like, but I remember... [the feeling. the fear. the hurt.

Ugh, how did she even talk about this with him?] ...some. What bit ya thinkin' of?

The lab. [Hopefully she retained enough of those memories to remember that place... or maybe it was better she didn't. It would be better for her if she didn't.

Pressing on despite whatever her answer would be, Remy took his seat and picked up his glass again, feeling like he would need a top up for this story.] I had surgery as a teen to help control m' powers, cut down the amount of energy I could produce as it just kept... growin'. I couldn't control it, not while it was constantly gettin' stronger, so had them capped 'nd learnt control from that.

[Pausing to drain the last out of his glass he turned his eyes to it as he turned it in his hands.] The 'nformation on what I had done showed up in Luceti 'nd... I talked one of our fellow captives who done work on those with powers in the past to... undo it. [There, done, out in the open.]

[Rogue was silent for a long moment, listening. A lot of this was new to her, but in a way... that lab... yeah, it made sense. She remembered the feeling of desperation and determination, the feeling like she just had to lie down in that chair.

There was... wow, a lot there. He had a captive undo it? Who? And for how long had this happened?

And... why?

That was important, but more importantly:] How's that goin' for ya?

[She was pretty sure she had an idea how that might be, to go from control to... well, did he have control? What had happened?]

It... was tough at first, years of practice helped, but just... too much energy, even with the cap we had on us. Hell, almost blew m' hand off the first time I got out of the dome.

Jean helped out a lot, [He admitted,] Thinkin' up different ways to practice control, ways to use up the energy, 'nd someone to bounce ideas off. [Before moving as if he was going to hold a hand out to her, then thinking twice about it and withdrawing it.] That's what that was, a way to burn off energy, a shield I can keep 'round me whenever 'm awake. It burns off the excess so... I don't go boom, I guess.

...so you don't go boom.

[Did she hear that right? Do you hear this dry, dry tone in her voice? You miiiiight want to think about running.]

[Yes, he certainly did, but he wasn't going to run. He was going to talk this out, no matter what tone or level of violence she aimed his way.] I might not, but it ain't something I really wanna test out. It's just the way it gets, too much energy 'nd it needs to get used up somehow so, [He gave a shrug.]

'm managin' it. [For now.]

[Rogue gave him a long, level look. She wanted -- she wanted --

She muttered a curse under her breath and sat abruptly back down at the bar, reaching out and claiming Remy's drink and chugging it back in one gulp. She set it back down and gestured for him to join her.

Gawd, this would be so much easier if she could just write him off! But he was her friend, and he'd blown her mind a couple of times tonight, true, but she hadn't the slightest idea how to deal with any of those things. This, she at least knew where she wanted to start.] Okay, so you're managin' it. Say I leave that alone -- what the heck made ya wanna do this ta yourself in the first place? I mean, if ya knew it was gonna put ya at a risk of blowing up -- why?

[Now that was certainly a question, and one he had wanted to avoid talking about, especially with her as Remy knew he was in line for one hell of a talk from her. Taking his seat again he signaled for a refill for them both, they were going to need it. Hell, she already needed it with how much he had placed on her shoulders tonight.

He really should had just let her be.]

Ya remember, [Which was a stupid question to ask, he knew she would remember, but continued on anyway.] That major fight we were in in Luceti, against that time bomb thing, Zompania or wherever it be? It was after that I decided.

[His brow furrowed as he moved a hand to the pocket of his pants, needing something to keep his fingers occupied as he talked and pulling out a mostly still full deck of cards, having lost a few over the time there. Moving helped, it made the worlds flow easier and got him less caught up in his own head as he talked.] After what I did to Wanda, after seein' the look on Billy's face as he used his powers against the enemy, after what happened to ya... [With Loki dying.] ...Did ya know Jean got her back cut up durin' it? We had to hold off the night in one of the run down buildin's before I could get her to a healer the followin' day. Had to cauterize the wound so she didn't bleed out durin' the night. [It was said with a sideways glance to her, yet his face grew more grim as he talked, the memories of each incident flashing up in his mind as he relaid them.]

If we were goin' to get pulled 'nto someone else's war, I wanted to make it so m' friends didn't have to suffer through it again, not without bein' able to stop it a hell of a lot faster next time 'round. Which... all sounds pretty stupid now it said out loud. [Remy admits that now but he had been pretty blind to those type of thoughts at the time, acting more on the idea of surviving than what would happen once he had gone through with it. Yet it wasn't like it had been an easy choice to make. He was terrified at the idea of being cut open again, to have someone mess with his brain, his powers. It could had gone so wrong, either by some accident during the operation or if his trust had been placed in the wrong hands. But the idea of Rogue and the others getting hurt again and that he might had been able to stop it happening a second time, that had been worth swallowing whatever fear he had and toughing through it.]

[After what he did to Wanda... she remembered that. She remembered yelling at him over it. Had he responded to that as well? He wasn't mentioning it now.

She remembered that draft; it had been brutal. Every draft she'd been on had been brutal, and sometimes she still woke up in the middle of the night tasting copper, smelling sweat and shit and the particular rot of death, and she had no one's memories to blame but her own.

It was a common response to fear to reach for more power, and if he'd had to cauterize Jean's back, use his powers to hurt his friend like that, hurt her to spare her life...

She wasn't even sure she could yell at him. She didn't have the right. At least he was consistent: Right reason, wrong thing. His heart was something fierce, but this was just--

This was a genuinely dumbass move, and had he even had a chance to use it since he had it? And now he was a walking bomb in a spaceship, putting everyone on board in immediate danger, forgetting the damage this must have done to him...]

How's that workin' out for ya?

[No, not happy. Not ripping into him yet, but definitely not happy.

She modulated it slightly, since after all, he didn't have to tell her any of this.] Are ya faster? Or is it just more?

It... workin'. Still here, not bein' pasted back together from itty, bitty little pieces, or whatever they do here. [Yeah, that wasn't really funny, was it?]

It's... I could charge faster, 'm sure, but haven't really tried to. Don't want a card or something goin' off in my hand before I get the chance to throw it. Bigger things be easier to charge, take less time 'nd strain to do so, in case I wanna blow up a bus again, [Then again, she wasn't around for that fight.] But it more the second one. Just, energy, lots of energy... more than I 'xpected actually. Feels more than when I was a kid. [And that was a little scary. Remy assumed there should be an upper limit to his powers, but he hadn't found it yet, not with the restrictions taken off him.]

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