driftfleet | Ninth Gate [Video]

Who: Jennifer Keller and you
Broadcast: Fleetwide
Action: Wonderduck, if you want
When: January 24th. Hat tip to Babs for this post suggestion.

[When Jennifer begins the broadcast, she's showing everyone a crate with "DR. JENNFER KELLER, SS WONDERDUCK" plus a sponsor logo label on the front.]

I just got some more presents from our wonderful sponsors. Should I open the crate or just send it directly out the airlock? I guess I should open it, if only to engender some more good will.

[The sarcasm in her voice is obvious. Nonetheless, Jennifer takes the time to pry off the lid, carefully examining and setting out each item, the distaste evident on her face the further she goes. It's all cheese-related in some way- except there's no actual edible cheese involved. Scented soaps, candles, a novelty foam hat shaped like a wedge of cheese... even a plush toy cow.]

Oh, boy, they must have seen the basket Atroma gave me after they let us off the Marsiva... [This was said more to herself than anyone else, but then she addresses everyone again.] So, uh, does anybody want any cheese-scented soap? I'm sure it's... it's quite pleasant if you like cheese that much.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Do I even want to ask what you'd use it for?

Yeah, I did. I'm from Wisconsin, so I'm sure Atroma thought I'd like it and the sponsors picked up on it. In an incredibly wrong way, as they tend to do.

Probably not.

[The actual reason is an innocent one: distracting people with an unusual scent, so he can study in peace.]

Isn't that a little stereotypical? I mean, I'm from Jersey, and I can tell you right now that... [beat] Actually no, I would've liked some saltwater taffy.

[She giggled.]

I'm the same way- I did enjoy the actual thing, but I don't like cheese THAT much. I don't think anybody does.

Unless they're a mouse. Or descended from mice.

[He's totally kidding, but now that's a mental image that won't leave him anytime soon.]

And maybe there are some humans into that sort of thing. The sponsors wouldn't make a product nobody uses... I hope.

You'd think. Maybe it's market research, or potential market research, or like... novelty candles.

[He doesn't sound very convinced, though.]

Though, now that I'm thinking about it, candles in general would be useful.

Without the cheese scent, definitely. And most scented candles aren't that powerful, anyway- be nice to have around in case the lights ever go out.

They're powerful enough to mask other food. [The voice of experience is talking, and it's talking so loudly that Stefan's scrunching up his face at the thought] Mom and I used to take a few scented candles and light them and - well, the food and the candles kinda cancelled each other out.

If your food situation's that bad, I'd consider using it.

That's also a good point- I'm not much of a cook, but every once in a while I'll get it in my head to try and it doesn't always end well.

"Doesn't end well?" You can't be that bad.

[He's seen bad cooks before. There's a REASON he never lets his ex stay in the kitchen unsupervised.]

Well, the protein makes it hard to screw up, but I have a propensity to burn things.

That bad, huh? [...] Tell you what. How about I repay your first aid lessons with some cooking?

I figure, you teach me how to patch people up, and I can get you to not burn protein.

I'd like that. It'll help me expand my options a bit- I get a lot of takeout when we're on waystations when I can. I'd like to be able to cook with some of the stuff being grown on the Iskaulit.

I think we can accomplish that. I'm not sure how long it would take, but - Rome wasn't exactly built in a day either.

True. And it'll give me something to do between planets.

Sounds good.

[There's an abrupt crashing sound off-screen, and Stefan lets out a groan. Business as usual on the Paisley...]

I think I'm about to patch someone up. I'll see you in a bit - maybe we'll hash out the details next lesson?

Sounds good- and good luck.

Ninth Gate [Video]

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