(no subject)

[beardstrokes]

Who: Obi-Wan Kenobi
Broadcast: Text
Action: Iskaulit
When: Jan 30th

A: TEXT

I think it's time I retire from teaching for a while.

I don't suppose anyone knows a decent way to pass the time?

B: ACTION

[ When Stefan announced the prayer room, a quiet place for meditation, Obi-Wan had been thrilled. While he enjoyed and cared for the Huntress, quiet is not something they are known for. After talking to Anakin, he knew he was in dire need of quiet and inner peace

He does not regret ( he can not regret )

And yet.

In a way he had envisioned as a child, it had always been Master and Padawan, together. Even when separate, they fought together, learned together, believed in each other. But Qui-Gon died all too soon, and for so long, Obi-Wan threw his hands up against tradition. When Yoda told him to be Anakin's master, he chose to be Anakin's friend. He did not caution against attachment, only warned where it might lead.

He breathes heavily, his legs folded on the mat. It's not working. The Force is still too quiet, too alien at this moment. It doesn't understand his sorrow.

Obi-Wan chuckles, opening his eyes and pushing his hair back. It should be used to that by now.

Looking down at his hands, he's quiet when he speaks. ]

Please help me.

Comments

[killedwithlove]

I don't understand.

But... I am emotion. I'm Compassion. I don't know that I can understand that.

[beardstrokes]

[ He shrugs. ]

It is a Jedi's way. I certainly would not expect other people to grasp it.

Though, asking them to respect it seems to be equally difficult.

[killedwithlove]

I want to hear about it. Would you tell me?

[He hugs his knees to his chest, watching with a bright, attentive gaze.]

[beardstrokes]

[ He suddenly feels unsure. He's been less than the consummate Jedi of late. ]

All right. We have a certain Code that we follow. However, people often believe, because of it, that we lack emotion.

[killedwithlove]

[Cole nods, clearly actually listening.]

What is your Code?

[beardstrokes]

[ He's quiet for a few minutes before reciting it, the words engraved on his heart. ]

There is no emotion, there is peace.
There is no ignorance, there is knowledge.
There is no passion, there is serenity.
There is no chaos, there is harmony.
There is no death . . . there is only the Force.

[killedwithlove]

[Cole waits until he speaks and then he listens, trying to understand what it means.

He doesn't agree with it, it doesn't make sense to him, but it means a lot to Obi-Wan and that's what matters.]

Can you explain that to me? Does it mean you should focus on the first things, not the seconds?

[beardstrokes]

[ He waves his hand, flippant. ]

It's a guideline. Instead of letting your feelings fall into chaos and despair, you learn to feel them and let go. Death is not the end, after all.

[killedwithlove]

I died once.

[He says it very matter of factly.]

It was very confusing and frightening, but not being alone made it easier.

[beardstrokes]

[ Easier . . . he wonders if Qui-Gon found it easier, to know Obi-Wan was there. Their last moments were mired in their argument and Qui-Gon's decision to take Anakin.

His master had reached out to him. Had he done the same? ]

Death does not await me. Not yet.

[killedwithlove]

It made it better for him.

[Cole looks Obi-Wan dead in the eye.]

It was hard, knowing you'd be alone with Anakin, but he was grateful not to be alone. To have you there.

[beardstrokes]

[ Something in his heart stutters. ]

I -- I don't understand.

[killedwithlove]

Yes, you do. But you're not sure you believe it.

His hair, so long and fine, spread out on the floor and my lap. Eyes heavy but still there, still sharp, still knowing.

Warm hands, warm presence, cold creeping through but that's just my body, I am eternal, I'm so sorry, Obi-Wan, I never wanted to leave this to you.

[They're not Qui-Gon's words, or his voice, but it is his accent, his inflections, his pacing.]

/2

[beardstrokes]

[ ]

[beardstrokes]

[ He makes a brief aborted movement to reach out. ]

I -- [ I know, Master, I know you believed in me. I know you cared for me.

But this is not Qui-Gon and the illusion shatters.

His eyes sting. ]

I -- I wish we had more time.

[killedwithlove]

So did he.

[Cole's voice is soft and entirely his own again.]

But every moment you had meant having you there at the end was that much more important. Even the arguments. He was so proud of you for being willing to question and argue, even if it was frustrating at the time as well.

[beardstrokes]

[ Every regret, every question, every moment of doubt slips away. He never needed confirmation, but the words spoke became a living breathing thing.

Yes, the Force seems to say, Yes.

He huffs lightly. ]

He was just as stubborn.

[ My stubborn Master. ]

[killedwithlove]

Yes, he was and he knew it.

[The knot slips looser and the pearl of hurt softens. Cole relaxes, face softening into something that isn't quite a smile but is content.]

[beardstrokes]

As long as it is known, I have no regrets.

[ He was there in the end for Qui-Gon. ]

[killedwithlove]

He knew.

[Cole is certain on that point.]

[beardstrokes]

Then my will is the will of the Force.

[ No more second-guessing. What is done is done and he must look forward. ]

[killedwithlove]

[Cole doesn't answer that. He doesn't know this force is, but it's very important to Obi-Wan and gives him comfort.]

Do you feel better?

[beardstrokes]

Well. It's certainly an improvement.

Thank you.

[killedwithlove]

[The doubt doesn't twist him up like it did. That's better.]

You don't need to thank me. But you're welcome. I wanted to help.

[beardstrokes]

And I appreciate it. Truly.