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(no subject)

Who: Obi-Wan Kenobi
Broadcast: Text
Action: Iskaulit
When: Jan 30th

A: TEXT

I think it's time I retire from teaching for a while.

I don't suppose anyone knows a decent way to pass the time?

B: ACTION

[ When Stefan announced the prayer room, a quiet place for meditation, Obi-Wan had been thrilled. While he enjoyed and cared for the Huntress, quiet is not something they are known for. After talking to Anakin, he knew he was in dire need of quiet and inner peace

He does not regret ( he can not regret )

And yet.

In a way he had envisioned as a child, it had always been Master and Padawan, together. Even when separate, they fought together, learned together, believed in each other. But Qui-Gon died all too soon, and for so long, Obi-Wan threw his hands up against tradition. When Yoda told him to be Anakin's master, he chose to be Anakin's friend. He did not caution against attachment, only warned where it might lead.

He breathes heavily, his legs folded on the mat. It's not working. The Force is still too quiet, too alien at this moment. It doesn't understand his sorrow.

Obi-Wan chuckles, opening his eyes and pushing his hair back. It should be used to that by now.

Looking down at his hands, he's quiet when he speaks. ]

Please help me.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ Have you looked at our ship, Obi-Wan. ]

Then it's all the better. It's important for people to fight to understand things, because in doing so they also learn more about themselves than they would've if they were spoonfed the answers. Don't you agree with that?

[ He tries not to place himself on a pedestal. ]

I can't deny the logic in that. And if it serves someone in the end . . . who am I to say.

Thank you, Sasuke. It was very kind of you to reach out to me.

It isn't just about serving others. You wouldn't have sent out this message if you weren't also requiring something for yourself.

Try to also write something cathartic.

It's not in my nature to ask.

[ In a way, that makes him and Sasuke very similar. ]

But your suggestions have merit. Perhaps I should broaden my scope.

I know. You remind me of someone, and he wouldn't have asked either.

Learning to play an instrument is another good measure of discipline.

An instrument? That would be unusual to me. I've never had to learn.

Who do I remind you of?

It comes more easily to some people than to others. You'll have to test your own aptitude.

[ And he doesn't want to answer that question but somehow still feels that he should, staring at his communicator for a moment or two before adding another line of text. ]

A family member of mine.

I do enjoy testing myself as well. Who knows? It might come in handy.

[ Thankfully, Obi-Wan knows when not to press for information. ]

Have you answered any of your questions so far in your search?

Then you should take the opportunity to seek one out while we're docked here.

I've learned that I need to improve my ability to communicate, and that if I want to exist as a human instead of just as a tool to achieve a goal then I'll need to better reconcile my emotions.

I will.

[ I'll try, but Jedi do not try. They succeed or fail. ]

For me, it's always been the opposite. I would not call myself a tool and the Jedi do not treat me as such, but I am a servant.

As such, we're not meant to form attachments.

[ It takes a few minutes for the next message to roll in. ]

But it has its flaws. And I think, for you, accepting your emotions is a difficult hurdle. It still is, for myself.

But they have never weakened me.

[ What a confident response. Sasuke prefers it, honestly. The Jedi have a good way of doing things. ]

What people are 'meant' to do and what their humanity eventually draws out of them aren't the same. I was also taught to remain emotionless when carrying out my purpose, but I never perfected it well enough.

My emotions have never weakened me either. They made me stronger. That was the problem. [ Relying on anger became far too easy. ]

That you were . . . too strong? Or do you mean you were too overconfident?

Neither.

I wasn't strong enough, but I found that the more I focused on my own negative emotions, the more I could bridge that gap. That made me isolated and in greater need of more strength since I tossed aside my comrades, and the cycle perpetuated itself.

Ah. The way of the Sith.

There are two sides of the Force, the Light and the Dark. The Sith are the opposites of the Jedi. They need anger and rage to become strong and dispose of those they do not need.

Light and Dark? Life can't be so simply broken down like that. Surely you get that response often when you start talking about your ideologies, though.

Even still I can't say that it sounds unlike how I used to be.

It is not broken, but simply delegated. The Force is vast and unpredictable but those who use it in a certain way must favor a side. The Force does not reward the Dark any more than the Light if used flagrantly.

And in the end, it comes down to choice.

Then in that case I've spent my life fluctuating from one to another. There's always at least some evil on the side of 'good' and some good on the side of 'evil'.

Have you ever felt tempted to another side?

Yes.

[ It's short and curt. Yes, he has been tempted. The Dark has always nipped at his heels, trying to get him to fall. Zigoola, Ventress, Darth Maul, Dooku. Sometimes he wonders if he exudes some kind of vibe the Dark was fascinated with. ]

Many have tried and all have failed. I can't be broken that way.

[ 'Can't be'? Bold words that he himself might've used at various points in his life, that he'd use now, but only because he's been there and back. ]

Is that so. I'd say you're making yourself sound inhuman again but maybe some men are just that confident.

I know how I sound. But that is my will.

[ and Obi-Wan could care less how strangers or other people see him. What matters to him is how he perceives himself in the Force. ]

I cannot do anything about the way people see me. What's important is how I see myself and whether I'm willing to live with the choices I've made.

I'm not saying that it's a negative thing. I agree with everything that you're saying, because that's also my goal.

I just still don't know if it's the right one. In time, I'll learn.

I'm sure you'll find it. It took me a long time to find it myself. My experiences are hardly comparable to yours.

I am a Jedi. More than my identity, it is who I am. That centers me.

I imagine such a title wouldn't hold much meaning now. You're out to find yourself, away from titles and double meanings.

Just as you have always defined yourself by your role, I've always defined myself by my goals. Now I'm separated from them, so I have the time to learn who I really am and what that should mean for my future. It feels selfish but necessary.

You were trying to distract yourself and we just ended up on a heavy topic again anyway. I'm deciding to blame you.

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