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driftfleet2016-02-05 08:49 pm
pain_train) wrote in driftfleet2016-02-05 08:49 pm
Entry tags:
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Who: Wrath!
Broadcast: Fleetwide
Action: She will be bumming around on the Windrose since she blew all her cash on unicorn shoes.
When: Now
[Hey, it's a broadcast video of Wrath. Teeny lady, bright pink hair, big smile, assault rifle slung across her back. You know. That Wrath.]
Hello everyone in the fleet! I'm Wrath, the Security Officer on the Windrose. And I have a. Uh. Important scientific survey that I need to conduct.
Have you or has someone close to you been affected by hurfdurf? If you're not sure what hurfdurf is, here is an example.
[Video cuts to a different shot of Wrath and Vision standing in the Windrose's galley. It's staged like a very amateur home filming effort. They are obviously reading their lines from cards.]
[Vision, wearing a nametag that says Wrath:] Hey awesome buddy, want to get ice cream?
[Wrath, wearing a nametag that says Maine and scowling:] Um.
[The video freezes and Wrath continues in voice over:]
If I was a normal person, then I'd say fuck yeah I want ice cream. But as a person suffering from hurfdurf, this is what I think.
[Growly Maine voice:] I really like ice cream but only pussies like ice cream and I am obviously a giant and scary dude and I don't want anyone to know that I like stuff and have feelings even though I super want ice cream and will steal some from my friend when she is not looking.
[The Wrath and Vision video resumes.]
[Wrath grunts and shrugs.]
[Vision:] I don't know what that means.
[Cut back to just Wrath.]
After observation on my home planet, my hypothesis is that hurfdurf is uh--[Checks notecards.]--positively correlated with being a boy, because boys are dumb. However, new evidence has suggested that it might not be that, but actually having a wang causes hurfdurf. And that is more complicated because as everyone knows, not all boys have wangs and not all people who have or have had wangs at some point in their life are boys.
So if you could help me by answering these questions so we can figure this out and get to the root cause of hurfdurf that would really help.
[The questions appear on the screen in text as she reads them off.]
1) Have you or someone you know well been affected by hurfdurf?
2) If yes, are you or your friend a boy?
3) Do you or they have a wang? Or had a wang at the time of the hurfdurf?
Thank you very much for your help I will tell you what the results are when I have some so we can combat hurfdurf together.
Broadcast: Fleetwide
Action: She will be bumming around on the Windrose since she blew all her cash on unicorn shoes.
When: Now
[Hey, it's a broadcast video of Wrath. Teeny lady, bright pink hair, big smile, assault rifle slung across her back. You know. That Wrath.]
Hello everyone in the fleet! I'm Wrath, the Security Officer on the Windrose. And I have a. Uh. Important scientific survey that I need to conduct.
Have you or has someone close to you been affected by hurfdurf? If you're not sure what hurfdurf is, here is an example.
[Video cuts to a different shot of Wrath and Vision standing in the Windrose's galley. It's staged like a very amateur home filming effort. They are obviously reading their lines from cards.]
[Vision, wearing a nametag that says Wrath:] Hey awesome buddy, want to get ice cream?
[Wrath, wearing a nametag that says Maine and scowling:] Um.
[The video freezes and Wrath continues in voice over:]
If I was a normal person, then I'd say fuck yeah I want ice cream. But as a person suffering from hurfdurf, this is what I think.
[Growly Maine voice:] I really like ice cream but only pussies like ice cream and I am obviously a giant and scary dude and I don't want anyone to know that I like stuff and have feelings even though I super want ice cream and will steal some from my friend when she is not looking.
[The Wrath and Vision video resumes.]
[Wrath grunts and shrugs.]
[Vision:] I don't know what that means.
[Cut back to just Wrath.]
After observation on my home planet, my hypothesis is that hurfdurf is uh--[Checks notecards.]--positively correlated with being a boy, because boys are dumb. However, new evidence has suggested that it might not be that, but actually having a wang causes hurfdurf. And that is more complicated because as everyone knows, not all boys have wangs and not all people who have or have had wangs at some point in their life are boys.
So if you could help me by answering these questions so we can figure this out and get to the root cause of hurfdurf that would really help.
[The questions appear on the screen in text as she reads them off.]
1) Have you or someone you know well been affected by hurfdurf?
2) If yes, are you or your friend a boy?
3) Do you or they have a wang? Or had a wang at the time of the hurfdurf?
Thank you very much for your help I will tell you what the results are when I have some so we can combat hurfdurf together.
video;
I'd love a kitten-- as long as I could give it back before it started pissing on my stuff.
video;
If your kitten is peeing on your stuff, you must not be cleaning out its litter pan enough.
video;
[If he ever gets a kitten he's giving it to Anders. No question.]
video;
Pets are good for you. They spread happiness.
video;
[He shrugs.]
I'm plenty happy without having something peeing, puking, or pooping on everything I own. If I get the urge to take care of something pitiful and drooling, I'll head down to the bar.
video;
But they're cheaper than babies!
video;
Oh, Maker. Don't even get me started on children. [He shudders visibly.]
video;
I don't think kids are totally terrible but I wouldn't want to try without at least one coparent. Probably two.
video;
[He shakes his head.]
I'll pass. Forever. It's nothing against children, I'm just not parental material.
video;
Not everyone is, it's okay! You should make sure to donate some sperm to the local gene bank though. Don't want it to go to waste!