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(no subject)

Who: Wrath!
Broadcast: Fleetwide
Action: She will be bumming around on the Windrose since she blew all her cash on unicorn shoes.
When: Now

[Hey, it's a broadcast video of Wrath. Teeny lady, bright pink hair, big smile, assault rifle slung across her back. You know. That Wrath.]

Hello everyone in the fleet! I'm Wrath, the Security Officer on the Windrose. And I have a. Uh. Important scientific survey that I need to conduct.

Have you or has someone close to you been affected by hurfdurf? If you're not sure what hurfdurf is, here is an example.

[Video cuts to a different shot of Wrath and Vision standing in the Windrose's galley. It's staged like a very amateur home filming effort. They are obviously reading their lines from cards.]

[Vision, wearing a nametag that says Wrath:] Hey awesome buddy, want to get ice cream?

[Wrath, wearing a nametag that says Maine and scowling:] Um.

[The video freezes and Wrath continues in voice over:]

If I was a normal person, then I'd say fuck yeah I want ice cream. But as a person suffering from hurfdurf, this is what I think.

[Growly Maine voice:] I really like ice cream but only pussies like ice cream and I am obviously a giant and scary dude and I don't want anyone to know that I like stuff and have feelings even though I super want ice cream and will steal some from my friend when she is not looking.

[The Wrath and Vision video resumes.]

[Wrath grunts and shrugs.]

[Vision:] I don't know what that means.

[Cut back to just Wrath.]

After observation on my home planet, my hypothesis is that hurfdurf is uh--[Checks notecards.]--positively correlated with being a boy, because boys are dumb. However, new evidence has suggested that it might not be that, but actually having a wang causes hurfdurf. And that is more complicated because as everyone knows, not all boys have wangs and not all people who have or have had wangs at some point in their life are boys.

So if you could help me by answering these questions so we can figure this out and get to the root cause of hurfdurf that would really help.

[The questions appear on the screen in text as she reads them off.]

1) Have you or someone you know well been affected by hurfdurf?

2) If yes, are you or your friend a boy?

3) Do you or they have a wang? Or had a wang at the time of the hurfdurf?

Thank you very much for your help I will tell you what the results are when I have some so we can combat hurfdurf together.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Right. Sorry. I forgot about how it was for science. Moment of silence for serious science thought.

[It's not a very long moment.]

Are you part of the Windrose crew?

Why would it need a moment of silence?

Yeah, I'm the security officer.

Who doesn't need a moment of silence? [The gift for someone who has everything.]

I'm the new pilot or co-pilot or backup, additional pilot. [But that position interests her.] Do we have a lot of security breaches? [Everyone's been telling her it's boring.]

I don't think I do? But maybe science does.

Awesome! I'm really glad we won't have to be on autopilot if the shit starts again, that sucked. Nah, security's been pretty easy peasy except for the ship battle a while back. But you know. Can't just assume it'll stay that way.

Science can be very needy.

Tell me more about this ship battle? [Should she introduce herself first? Nah. Ship battles are more important. Intel is key.]

Glad I'm not actually a scientist then.

Oh sure. We had a bunch of... I don't know who they were, guess we'll say pirates. They came in and attacked the fleet. But they didn't try to actually destroy or board anyone, just drive us into a nebula where we all lost power. Which isn't great. I don't trust that kind of thing, like what could be motivating them.

[And she'll go play by play into details if allowed.]

[Oh, she's allowed. Kitty's practically ready to take notes. Just without anything to write on or with.]

Right. If it wasn't to rob you why bother? Do you think it was planned for ratings?

I don't know, but that was my best guess. There wasn't any other reason for it I could find. [Shrug.]

[She nods, taking that in.] Does it seem like they do other things to spike ratings? I'm kind of used to being toyed with by my unseen overlords. [Not fond of it. Just used to it.]

I think they do. Like the different planets they pick, stuff like that. I think anything that happens from outside is pretty suspect, honestly.

I would be too. [Probably worth recording to look for patterns.]

I'm Kitty by the way. You said you're Wrath? Favorite sin?

I was the lieutenant of Wrath platoon in Ghost Wolf company for a long time. Like twenty years. It's the only name I've got now

[She nods though she doesn't recognize any of the specifics.] War time?

Yeah. First it was the other cities, then it was the dysthropes. Though there hasn't been much active combat since the dome closed. Just going out every now and then to do a clean and sweep.

The dome? [It touches on something from her prison stay though she doubts it's actually related.]

When the dysthrophe broke out, the civilians built a wall and dome around the city of Proles while the army held the line around it for over a year. Those of us that were still alive when the dome was finished retreated inside. It was a huge operation.

Makes sense. Who were the dysthropes? [Other than the resident bad guys of the story.] Or if this is all stuff you'd rather not go over just tell me. Curiosity can get away from me.

They were regular people. But there was a plague. Probably a bio weapon that Nodis used. Or at least that's the direction the first wave came from. It infects people and you go crazy and start eating other people and infecting them, with no cure. And it fucked up the atmosphere really bad too, somehow. Or maybe the terraforming went bad because no one was working the machines any more.

[You know there's a perfectly good term for that and Carol and Carl never used it either.]

I'm sorry. [It might even top her own world for tragic.] Were there many uninfected people left?

[Not a word they have in their universe, hilariously.]

Our city is the last one on the planet. I mean, there's still a decent number of people, and it's been twenty years so there are kids growing up. But... we lost a lot. The army... before the Battle of the Line, we were 1.2 million strong. Three quarters of us died over the course of the battle.

But that was the kind of casualty rate Proles took in general.

The last... Damn.

[As bad as things got there were still human settlements throughout Western Europe.] Do people have to leave for supplies much? [Hoping it was set up to be self sustaining at least.]

Nope, it's self-contained. Advanced recycling program, most of the food and plastics get grown in vats, stuff like that. Patrols get sent out now and then to clear the area of the worst of the dysthropes so they don't bang on the walls.

Could they bring the walls down or is it just annoying? [Pryde, stop interrogating people. It's not how you make friends with your crewmates.] Probably not fun to be rehashing all of this again, is it?

They could get through eventually if you gave them enough time. There are conduits and shit in the walls to support the dome systems. So those are weak points.

[She shrugs.] It's okay. I don't mind talking about it, and it's... kind of nice. To be able to just talk about things that are kind of fucked up.

And here I thought I only ever talked about things that are kind of fucked up. [Kitty smiles a little. Home, the prison, this place. None of it's quite right. Or maybe it's her. She is the common denominator.]