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driftfleet2016-02-05 08:49 pm
pain_train) wrote in driftfleet2016-02-05 08:49 pm
Entry tags:
(no subject)
Who: Wrath!
Broadcast: Fleetwide
Action: She will be bumming around on the Windrose since she blew all her cash on unicorn shoes.
When: Now
[Hey, it's a broadcast video of Wrath. Teeny lady, bright pink hair, big smile, assault rifle slung across her back. You know. That Wrath.]
Hello everyone in the fleet! I'm Wrath, the Security Officer on the Windrose. And I have a. Uh. Important scientific survey that I need to conduct.
Have you or has someone close to you been affected by hurfdurf? If you're not sure what hurfdurf is, here is an example.
[Video cuts to a different shot of Wrath and Vision standing in the Windrose's galley. It's staged like a very amateur home filming effort. They are obviously reading their lines from cards.]
[Vision, wearing a nametag that says Wrath:] Hey awesome buddy, want to get ice cream?
[Wrath, wearing a nametag that says Maine and scowling:] Um.
[The video freezes and Wrath continues in voice over:]
If I was a normal person, then I'd say fuck yeah I want ice cream. But as a person suffering from hurfdurf, this is what I think.
[Growly Maine voice:] I really like ice cream but only pussies like ice cream and I am obviously a giant and scary dude and I don't want anyone to know that I like stuff and have feelings even though I super want ice cream and will steal some from my friend when she is not looking.
[The Wrath and Vision video resumes.]
[Wrath grunts and shrugs.]
[Vision:] I don't know what that means.
[Cut back to just Wrath.]
After observation on my home planet, my hypothesis is that hurfdurf is uh--[Checks notecards.]--positively correlated with being a boy, because boys are dumb. However, new evidence has suggested that it might not be that, but actually having a wang causes hurfdurf. And that is more complicated because as everyone knows, not all boys have wangs and not all people who have or have had wangs at some point in their life are boys.
So if you could help me by answering these questions so we can figure this out and get to the root cause of hurfdurf that would really help.
[The questions appear on the screen in text as she reads them off.]
1) Have you or someone you know well been affected by hurfdurf?
2) If yes, are you or your friend a boy?
3) Do you or they have a wang? Or had a wang at the time of the hurfdurf?
Thank you very much for your help I will tell you what the results are when I have some so we can combat hurfdurf together.
Broadcast: Fleetwide
Action: She will be bumming around on the Windrose since she blew all her cash on unicorn shoes.
When: Now
[Hey, it's a broadcast video of Wrath. Teeny lady, bright pink hair, big smile, assault rifle slung across her back. You know. That Wrath.]
Hello everyone in the fleet! I'm Wrath, the Security Officer on the Windrose. And I have a. Uh. Important scientific survey that I need to conduct.
Have you or has someone close to you been affected by hurfdurf? If you're not sure what hurfdurf is, here is an example.
[Video cuts to a different shot of Wrath and Vision standing in the Windrose's galley. It's staged like a very amateur home filming effort. They are obviously reading their lines from cards.]
[Vision, wearing a nametag that says Wrath:] Hey awesome buddy, want to get ice cream?
[Wrath, wearing a nametag that says Maine and scowling:] Um.
[The video freezes and Wrath continues in voice over:]
If I was a normal person, then I'd say fuck yeah I want ice cream. But as a person suffering from hurfdurf, this is what I think.
[Growly Maine voice:] I really like ice cream but only pussies like ice cream and I am obviously a giant and scary dude and I don't want anyone to know that I like stuff and have feelings even though I super want ice cream and will steal some from my friend when she is not looking.
[The Wrath and Vision video resumes.]
[Wrath grunts and shrugs.]
[Vision:] I don't know what that means.
[Cut back to just Wrath.]
After observation on my home planet, my hypothesis is that hurfdurf is uh--[Checks notecards.]--positively correlated with being a boy, because boys are dumb. However, new evidence has suggested that it might not be that, but actually having a wang causes hurfdurf. And that is more complicated because as everyone knows, not all boys have wangs and not all people who have or have had wangs at some point in their life are boys.
So if you could help me by answering these questions so we can figure this out and get to the root cause of hurfdurf that would really help.
[The questions appear on the screen in text as she reads them off.]
1) Have you or someone you know well been affected by hurfdurf?
2) If yes, are you or your friend a boy?
3) Do you or they have a wang? Or had a wang at the time of the hurfdurf?
Thank you very much for your help I will tell you what the results are when I have some so we can combat hurfdurf together.
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[ Sorry, the medieval-lite church boy has never heard that particular slang term. ]
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You know, the meat puppet? The downstairs helmet head with a brain of his own? The red-light lamp post? The salami that likes being tickled?
...your dick?
Look, when two or more people like each other a lot and at least one is sexually male or one dude is by himself and super horny, it's the part that stands at attention like a soldier that's about to vomit.
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[ Cock? Penis? He knows those words! Of course, now he's turning red as a beet, so good job there. ]
And yes, I have one!
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Okay, got it. You're a boy and you have a dick. [Takes a note.]
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[ Not that he wants her to keep talking about it, necessarily. Good job, Alistair. ]
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[ He's not lacking in slang terms for 'penis'. ]
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If there are kids here, it's 'cause they've been taken away from their parents by the Atroma.
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[ He is just so flustered right now, he almost doesn't know which end is up. ]
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But candy's pretty good too, and you should share.
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