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driftfleet2016-02-05 08:49 pm
pain_train) wrote in driftfleet2016-02-05 08:49 pm
Entry tags:
(no subject)
Who: Wrath!
Broadcast: Fleetwide
Action: She will be bumming around on the Windrose since she blew all her cash on unicorn shoes.
When: Now
[Hey, it's a broadcast video of Wrath. Teeny lady, bright pink hair, big smile, assault rifle slung across her back. You know. That Wrath.]
Hello everyone in the fleet! I'm Wrath, the Security Officer on the Windrose. And I have a. Uh. Important scientific survey that I need to conduct.
Have you or has someone close to you been affected by hurfdurf? If you're not sure what hurfdurf is, here is an example.
[Video cuts to a different shot of Wrath and Vision standing in the Windrose's galley. It's staged like a very amateur home filming effort. They are obviously reading their lines from cards.]
[Vision, wearing a nametag that says Wrath:] Hey awesome buddy, want to get ice cream?
[Wrath, wearing a nametag that says Maine and scowling:] Um.
[The video freezes and Wrath continues in voice over:]
If I was a normal person, then I'd say fuck yeah I want ice cream. But as a person suffering from hurfdurf, this is what I think.
[Growly Maine voice:] I really like ice cream but only pussies like ice cream and I am obviously a giant and scary dude and I don't want anyone to know that I like stuff and have feelings even though I super want ice cream and will steal some from my friend when she is not looking.
[The Wrath and Vision video resumes.]
[Wrath grunts and shrugs.]
[Vision:] I don't know what that means.
[Cut back to just Wrath.]
After observation on my home planet, my hypothesis is that hurfdurf is uh--[Checks notecards.]--positively correlated with being a boy, because boys are dumb. However, new evidence has suggested that it might not be that, but actually having a wang causes hurfdurf. And that is more complicated because as everyone knows, not all boys have wangs and not all people who have or have had wangs at some point in their life are boys.
So if you could help me by answering these questions so we can figure this out and get to the root cause of hurfdurf that would really help.
[The questions appear on the screen in text as she reads them off.]
1) Have you or someone you know well been affected by hurfdurf?
2) If yes, are you or your friend a boy?
3) Do you or they have a wang? Or had a wang at the time of the hurfdurf?
Thank you very much for your help I will tell you what the results are when I have some so we can combat hurfdurf together.
Broadcast: Fleetwide
Action: She will be bumming around on the Windrose since she blew all her cash on unicorn shoes.
When: Now
[Hey, it's a broadcast video of Wrath. Teeny lady, bright pink hair, big smile, assault rifle slung across her back. You know. That Wrath.]
Hello everyone in the fleet! I'm Wrath, the Security Officer on the Windrose. And I have a. Uh. Important scientific survey that I need to conduct.
Have you or has someone close to you been affected by hurfdurf? If you're not sure what hurfdurf is, here is an example.
[Video cuts to a different shot of Wrath and Vision standing in the Windrose's galley. It's staged like a very amateur home filming effort. They are obviously reading their lines from cards.]
[Vision, wearing a nametag that says Wrath:] Hey awesome buddy, want to get ice cream?
[Wrath, wearing a nametag that says Maine and scowling:] Um.
[The video freezes and Wrath continues in voice over:]
If I was a normal person, then I'd say fuck yeah I want ice cream. But as a person suffering from hurfdurf, this is what I think.
[Growly Maine voice:] I really like ice cream but only pussies like ice cream and I am obviously a giant and scary dude and I don't want anyone to know that I like stuff and have feelings even though I super want ice cream and will steal some from my friend when she is not looking.
[The Wrath and Vision video resumes.]
[Wrath grunts and shrugs.]
[Vision:] I don't know what that means.
[Cut back to just Wrath.]
After observation on my home planet, my hypothesis is that hurfdurf is uh--[Checks notecards.]--positively correlated with being a boy, because boys are dumb. However, new evidence has suggested that it might not be that, but actually having a wang causes hurfdurf. And that is more complicated because as everyone knows, not all boys have wangs and not all people who have or have had wangs at some point in their life are boys.
So if you could help me by answering these questions so we can figure this out and get to the root cause of hurfdurf that would really help.
[The questions appear on the screen in text as she reads them off.]
1) Have you or someone you know well been affected by hurfdurf?
2) If yes, are you or your friend a boy?
3) Do you or they have a wang? Or had a wang at the time of the hurfdurf?
Thank you very much for your help I will tell you what the results are when I have some so we can combat hurfdurf together.
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Oh I'm. Fine. Just fuckin' great.
[She giggles again, but manages to keep it contained this time.]
You uh...helped anybody else out with this problem?
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Um, well. I helped my friend Maine out all the time. And my friend North. And my friend Orion. And some other friends!
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[Suddenly this feels less like a cop comedy and more like a porn.]
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What the hell is 'Hurfdurf?'
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Aren't most guys raised to act like that?
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Figured that was normal.
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