driftfleet | voice

Entry tags:

voice

Who: Sorey
Broadcast: Fleetwide
Action: SS Huntress
When: Immediately!

Does anything rhyme with silver? [somebody's finally trying his hand at writing poetry]

Also if anybody's seen the SS Huntress's welding torch, please let me know! It is a wreck in here, honestly. ...wait, maybe we don't have a welding torch.

[ACTION]

[Sorey can be found half-buried in the guts of engineering, muttering words to himself as he tries to fit them into his rhyming scheme. Occasionally he'll crawl back out of the maintenance panel to write something in a grease-smudged notebook that contains...truly dire but very enthusiastic poetry.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Chilver rhymes with silver, but I don't think that's really what you're looking for. [ She pauses, considering. ] I don't suppose half-rhymes would work?

Ohh, they could! If it matches up with what's before it. But what does 'chilver' mean?

It means a female lamb?

Ah- yeah no, I think if I likened the person this is describing to a lamb he might dump a bucket of icewater on my head. Thanks for the suggestion though, I might just reorder the sentence so it ends with something else.

Do you know if it's all right to change rhyming schemes in the middle of the poem? Or is that considered crass?

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Go for slant rhyme. If you force it, it'll just come out stiff and unnatural.

Or better yet, just don't put silver at the end of a sentence.

But 'silver' works so good here! [someone has not learned how to kill his darlings] Should I use a different color...? Is there a color for white-blue?

Alabaster, snowy, pearly... If you start rhyming with 'ly' you'll find it hard to stop, though.

There's even more wordsmithing involved in this than I thought there would be. I assumed it'd work if I just knew how to rhyme...guess that's on me for underestimating the craft, huh?

[...]

Kil... ter? No...

[Nah man he sucks at poetry too]

Pilfer!

Ahh, no, that doesn't fit in at all. I am having a lot more trouble with this than I thought I would.

Clay, epic poetry is hard.

I know! I was the worst at poetry in my English class!

[He just kinda talked about stars and shit so that helped, but still! WHAT RHYMES WITH JUPITER???]

Maybe you could go with something like it? Like, um... something to do with stars?

[bro]

I knew you'd suggest that.

Edited 2016-02-19 05:41 (UTC)

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[You know how sometimes seraphim are annoyingly quiet on their feet and can sneak around unnoticed?

Yep. The next time Sorey climbs back out of the guts he'll find Mikleo sitting cross-legged just outside the grate, the open notebook in hand. Just how dire is this poetry, anyway? More importantly, how dire is Mikleo's face in response to it?]

[Sorey does that little jump he does when Mikleo shows up somewhere Sorey didn't expect, but he turns it into a grab for his rag and he wipes off his hands.]

I see you found what I'm working on. You're not the only writer in the gang! What d'you think of it?

[He's a little bit horrified, to be honest. Like when they'd found that ridiculous love poetry book in Ladylake. He'd always known Sorey had weird taste, and his rhyming technique had always been very, uh, purple, but this is bordering on absurd.]

It's... very you.

Aww, Mikleo. [BLUSH. Yup, that's what frosts his cupcake: Mikleo telling him that his art is reflective of his personality.] It's the first time I've ever tried to write something that wasn't purely academic! I wanted to make sure it sounded like me.

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[ Silver, huh? ]

Perhaps another word would work. Chrome? Or make it into silvery. That'll make the poem easier on you.

Chrome? [what is...oh that's a new metal] Huhhh...maybe silvery. That'll change the syllable count though, I'd have to take it from somewhere else.

Hey Obi-Wan, you seem like you have really high class tastes! How would you say the following:

Skin soft as silk, pale as snow
Awash, alight with heaven's glow
Hair spun from the finest silver...

...and that's where I'm stuck.

I would leave the first two lines. Perhaps . . . .

[ He pauses. Poetry or the arts is not usually his expertise. Still . . . ]

Hair spun from the brightest moonbeams
Which flows as swift as streams

It'll certainly remove the problem of silver but keep the right colour for your poem.

Moonbeams...

Oh my gosh, that's perfect! Wow, you seriously have a way with words. Okay! You have to help me out with the next part, you would not believe how few words rhyme with purple. And don't even get me started on lavender.

I guess I really will have to pick something else. My heart was set on silver, too. [since it's perfect. BUT, aside from that,] Are you our lab support? Your voice sounds familiar.

You could always do a poem that doesn't rhyme. ( Win win ) And I am. I'm Lydia.

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