driftfleet | Paisley mingle

[Alex tiptoes over to Stef's door before dinner, after hearing he'd been holed up in there this afternoon. It has to be something serious if he's picked his room over the med bay, so she's come armed with her little monster pillow and some completely genuine, non-prickly hugs.

Tap. Tap.]

You in there?

Yeah, hang on.

[He opens the door for her, stepping aside to let her in. His hair isn't even gelled like usual - sure, he's put gel in it, but bits of his hair flop over, rather than staying up like usual. Between that and his general ragged posture, it's more than obvious something happened.

Stefan does, however, manage a smile at her pillow.] I see we've got company tonight.

[She reaches up to pass a hand over his floppy hair, gentle and concerned.]

He told me you were looking pretty gloomy. Thought maybe I'd follow that lead.

[He lets out a hollow laugh, leaning forward so he can whisper in the pillow's ear (or where they would be one).] Tattletale.

[Stefan tugs a little on the pillow's arms, before pulling Alex closer to him]

He wasn't wrong. [...] Elena went home a couple of days ago.

[Oh, no. She may only know the basics about him and Elena, but it's enough to realize how serious this is. She reaches for his hand, rubbing a thumb over it gently.]

I'm so sorry, Stef...

[The more he talks about this, the more it hits him like a ton of bricks. She's gone.]

I never told her about us. [He stares down at her hand, before deciding to intertwine his fingers in hers.] I should be the one apologizing, Alex. You wanted me to say something, and I could've and I... didn't.

[She shakes her head.] No, it's fine. It was your choice. You're the one who knows her, not me.

It was a stupid choice. [He's self-aware enough to acknowledge this, at least?] I knew that we could've gone home at any time, and I knew that we may never get tomorrow...

I just thought that maybe, she'd be the exception to the rule.

I know. She was important to you.

[Was? Is? She still doesn't know much about Elena, just that she matters.]

... What do you need, right now?

[quietly, like he's not sure he should be asking for this:] Could I stay with you tonight?

I don't think I should be alone for a while.

Yeah, of course. I'll grab some more pillows. [She tries not to let her cheeks flush a little. Usually they don't talk about this.] And I won't let you be, not 'til you say so.

Thank you. [He's so desperate that when he squeezes her hands, it doesn't feel like it's enough. Part of him wants more.] This... feeling...

It doesn't ever go away, does it?

No.

[Because it doesn't. She may not have an Elena, but she's lost so many others, and sometimes she still sees them in her dreams. Mark's easy-going smirk and his stark passion for people; Sirius' dark eyes, and the tightness of his arms when he found out what she'd gone through; Rise's smile in the bright sun. They'll never leave her.]

But it gets better. You learn who they helped you become, and who you can be to make them proud. And after that... [They're always with you.]

[He lets out a slow, resigned sigh.] Back home, they never left. They would forget - sometimes big things, sometimes little things - but they were always with you.

It wasn't much like the Fleet or your castle, now that I'm really thinking about it.

[Alex can't decide which of those is worse, but she feels like at least seeing her friends again, and knowing they were safe, would be worth it. She knows some of them were going home to terrible situations, and the uncertainty is hard to bear.]

Yeah, it was different. They'd just get zapped away, in the middle of that night, and that was that. You'd never see them again.

Just like here, then. [...] I mean, amnesia sucks, because without their memories, they'd move back home or go abroad or leave the country...

But then you'd hear from them, and they'd always have your back, even when they didn't have any reason to.

[She nods, imagining what that must be like.]

... Sometimes the castle would bring back people you'd known, only they wouldn't have any of their memories. And you could try to remind them, but it just wouldn't work. You'd still be a stranger.

I think this place does that too, though. Me and Hermione were never friends or anything, but she should at least remember me.

But she doesn't? [Weird. Stefan almost wonders if that "parallel universe" theory's true.] Is there anyone else that's happened to, or is that just a Hermione thing?

I don't know. I didn't really talk to a bunch of people back there, so they probably wouldn't remember me anyway.

[He shakes his head.] You left more of an impact than you think. Even if you didn't talk to them, you've got this presence that - trust me - makes it impossible not to take notice.

[She starts to shake hers as well, but just shrugs instead. This was supposed to be about him missing Elena, not her own insecurities. She starts to feel bad for mentioning it at all.]

You must be thinking of someone else.

Nah. My brain's not that jumbled up.

[He scrunches up his whole face at her, pulling the pillow pet-thing closer to his chest. It's practically becoming a security blanket.]

Just a little jumbled.

[She tips her head over to press a kiss to his cheek.]

Yeah. [...] Thanks for staying with me.

I miss her a lot, but who knows? Maybe I'll see her again some day.

I wouldn't leave if you paid me.

[... Okay, depends on how much.]

And you were lucky enough to run into her here. Most people don't get that. So I'm sure it won't be the last time.

Paisley mingle

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