driftfleet | 002. text + action.

Entry tags:

002. text + action.

Who: Shinji Ikari and you?!
Broadcast: Fleetwide.
Action: SS Heron.
When: 3/12.

[network.]

[Shinji rewrites this about a dozen times before he finally decides to post it. It reads:]

Hello. My name is Shinji Ikari. I'm a pilot that's stationed on the Heron. I'm sorry if I'm not using the network as it's intended, but I don't know how else to distribute this message. I've been a member of the Fleet for over a month now and I've met quite a lot of people who have treated me well. It's something I wasn't expecting at all. I haven't been in the best frame of mind, but people have gone out of their way to reassure me, offer to help me, or just talk to me. That's something else I wasn't expecting. I don't know why anyone bothers to talk to someone like me.

The point of this message is to say that I'm grateful. I'd like to thank all of those people, and repay them, if at all possible. I don't know some of their names or contact information, though. I do have an easier time of thanking my crew - I'm doing that now - thank you, everyone, for putting up with me. And hello to anyone who's newly assigned. Anyway, I'm on the Heron, like I said, and I have small tokens of my appreciation to give out if people want them. I'll be in the cargo bay all day by the gym equipment. Although it's kind of pathetic, a single conversation is enough to qualify for this. (Talking to people is helping my ratings...)

Kaworu-kun and Asuka, I have things to give you too. I know it's a little early for White Day.

Unrelated question: Is it possible to delete any content that's posted to the network? I'm guessing not, but maybe I missed an option for that.

Thank you for your time.

[action, aboard the Heron.]

[Shinji can be found sitting in the cargo bay, on a stretching mat, nearest to the gym equipment. He's young-looking and more than a little sleepless, wondering if he shouldn't have made that embarrassing post. He's in the middle of nervously, repeatedly digging his fingers into a netted bag of colorful marbles that he won from the arcade on the Starlight. They're beautiful glass marbles, each crafted to resemble a foreign galaxy.

This isn't much of a gift, but he hopes it isn't a stupid one.

He looks up whenever he has a new visitor. Before he says anything, he pauses his music player and takes out at least one of his earbuds.]

Hey.

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[Shinji nods slowly. He can understand that. When he was smaller, he wanted to be an astronaut for a while, but his ambition dissolved into apathy...

Oh. Oh, that name.

Wider-eyed, he says,] Then that means you're Padmé-san's husband. She mentioned you when we did some cooking together... [And Padmé is an incredibly nice person, so Shinji has to hope her husband is nice, too.]

I'm Shinji. I'm a pilot over here, and I was a pilot back home, too. Not... for a spaceship. Something different.

[ There's a warm, pleasant joy that spills into his gut when he realize, after a quiet moment of surprise, that other people refer him as Padme's husband. Anakin smiles wide and nods. ]

That's right. She's my wife. [ A small chuckle. ] She'll surprise you with what she can cook. Back home, she's a senator; she could talk a Hutt into a diet if she wants. But you'd never believe that she could cook.

It's nice to meet you, Shinji. I assume you mean... airships. [ Glorified speeders. ] Is this your first experience with space travel?

[Shinji has no idea what a Hutt is, but he's nodding dutifully anyway.] We're exchanging recipes for all sorts of things... She called it a cultural exchange. It's really neat.

And it's nice to meet you, too, Anakin-san.

[As for airships, Shinji wonders if he should bother to explain. He's weary of thinking about Evangelion, which is more a hole in his heart than anything else. Still, he says,] More so a terrestrial vehicle. But I've never experienced anything like this, flying around out in space. [Unless he counts being imprisoned in an orbital tesseract for fourteen years... more stuff he doesn't want to think about...] Someone else told me the Fleet has gone to different planets, like one that had real snow and foxes.

[ Anakin tilts his head for a moment and gauged the kid's response. If he thought anything of it, he doesn't say it. The topic of planets distracts him from it. ]

What were you expecting, fake snow and droid-pets? I've been on planets with both. Real snow and foxes. Can't say I'm fond of both.

But if we're lucky, we might go to a tropical planet next time. [ He snorts. Seems like he's been saying a lot of "if we're lucky" lately. ]

[Shinji feels very self-conscious while admitting things about himself or his world. He's just trying his best to not clam up like a kid with profound social anxiety. Haltingly, he says,]

I-I've never seen snow before. Nor foxes. The zoo was more a record of extinct species, not really... not displaying current ones. I don't know if we had tropical anything, but I read a book like that once. You're talking about a blue ocean and jungles, right?

Not just blue oceans and jungles. There are whole planets that are vacation destinations, a whole world where it's sunny beaches and clear waters. Families go there to take a break, others are more exclusive and you can only reserve a spot on it if you're a high ranking members of society. Though I think you would enjoy Telos IV more; the entire planet is a nature reserve.

[ He feels a touch of sympathy for Shinji and smiles gently. But his kind of comforts has always been a teasing type and it escapes him before he can stop himself. ]

You ...don't get out much, do you.

[Shinji freezes like a deer in headlights. All of those planets sound wonderful, but what isn't wonderful is Anakin's teasing. It isn't malicious, obviously, what with that sympathy and that smile, but Shinji is already in low-key panic mode. Did he come across as ignorant? Moronic? Awkward and sheltered? He's reviewing everything he said, trying to figure out what he fucked up, trying to figure out if she should abort this entire attempt to connect to people besides himself.

On the edge of a breath, he says,] If you mean... If you mean off of my world, no, we didn't... there wasn't space travel like that. And the world itself was... the oceans went bad, so there were dead zones, and... [He feels like he's making excuses. He remembers to smile, albeit nervously.] I would really like to see Telos IV, or anything like that. I used to... I wanted to explore other worlds, so I could find someplace better for people.

[ For a moment, he thought Shinji was going to start crying and visibly relaxes when the kid continues to talk instead. Anakin makes a note to cut back on the teasing. If it sticks, that's another matter. But right now, he softens his expression and tone. ]

I'm sorry to hear that, Shinji. And I'm sorry you had to grow up in that condition. But I know you've got to be tough if you can survive all that. [ He smiles weakly. Awkwardly as he does with ...kids ] I guess here, you get to have the chance to explore the worlds you might not get to back home.

If you had a choice to go to any planet, what kind of planets do you imagine visiting? Or living on?

It's... [It's fine, is what Shinji wants to say, but that would be so blatant a lie that he can't bring himself to say it. He shakes his head slowly.] It's something everyone had to live with, not just me. Besides...

[He doesn't finish that thought. He's half the reason things were so terrible on his world, what with his propensity to cause the apocalypse just by getting too emotional. No one should be offering their condolences to him. Thankfully, he hasn't caused any disasters here, but he's increasingly paranoid that something will happen.]

Oh, I don't know. There's so much to choose from. [It's in his nature to be indecisive, but he spends awhile thinking about it. Then, he says,] I'd want to see just about everything... but maybe I'm most interested in a planet with snow and ice. I saw these pictures of, uh... a blizzard? From a long time ago, just snow everywhere, and that looked so crazy to me. I want to walk around in snow.

[ He waits for Shinji to finish but when he doesn't, he doesn't push it. He notes it. There's more to it, isn't there. There always is. Everyone here has some kind of story.

He's glad for change in subject. The kid looks like he's not having a good time talking to him, not a feeling that reflects well on Anakin himself. He chuckles at the answer. ]

Snow and ice... They weren't my favourite things to discover. I don't like the cold so much.

I come from a desert planet. For the first nine years of my life, there's nothing but sand and more sand. I never saw more water than what can fit inside a barrel. I was exactly like you when I got off that planet. I wanted to see everything, visit all the stars.

[Shinji always looks vaguely nauseated when he's meeting a stranger. Definitely not Anakin's fault. Exposure tends to be the best cure, and that's why Shinji doesn't seem so tense even moments later, listening to what Anakin has to say. He hates the unknown in all its forms, so learning something new about someone new makes him feel a little better.]

I don't know if I'll like cold weather or not. Just want to feel something different.

[He wants to feel like a different person, really.]

Oh, wow, so you left your world when you were nine. Does that mean you got to explore space for a while? Before you were---before coming here. Before you were forced to join the Fleet. [An awkward pause, then.] Assuming you were forced to join. [Another awkward pause.] I haven't met anyone who's joined up willingly.

I traveled across the- my galaxy. Where ever there was a need or request for the Jedi, we were there. [ He clarifies: ] My Master and I. It was nice. To see something different.

[ He chuckles dryly ] I don't think anyone had a choice to join or not.

[ But the idea was interesting, considering the tone that Shinji conveyed when talking about other planets, being else where in general. Far away from an old life. So he has to ask. ]

Would you?

Ohhh. You're a Jedi, too? [Shinji doesn't sound too alarmed, just impressed. He keeps meeting these normal-looking people who call themselves Jedi. Obviously, he's speaking to a very important man; he should try not to make a fool of himself. Regardless...

He glances off to the side, avoiding eye contact while he ruminates.]

When I came here, I wasn't really... in a good place, mentally. I don't know if I would've agreed to it. But if Atroma asked me about staying, I'd stay. I'd definitely stay here. There's nowhere else I can be with my best friend.

[ He tilts his head, his mouth tug upwards in a half-smile. ] I am. I guess you met Ahsoka.

[ He's surprised at the honesty from this young man. It's such a rare thing in a world of deception and politics that he comes from, though he knows that is partly his own fault. He doesn't ask why it's only here that Shinji can be with his best friend. It doesn't take a lot to figure out. ]

How are you now? How are you feeling about being here?

Yeah. Ahsoka-san and Vima-san, they explained some stuff to me. [The existence of the Jedi, and the Force, among other things. Shinji can't say it's all that weird when the scientists of his world studied the biology of the soul. The Force reminds him of the idea of a collective unconsciousness: invisible, but omnipresent.

Shinji can be deceptive when it suits him. "I'm fine" is his favorite lie, for example, but there's no point in lying right now.]

The ship gets pretty cold... and I'm still trying to figure out what I'm supposed to do here. But it's not too bad. I mean, it could be worse. We could've been food instead of entertainment.

[ the fact that shinji's first thought is that it could be worst is good. the food part, not so much. he nods though, because he had the same revelation. he could be here being watched by a faceless audience, or could be at home with his marriage still in secrecy and he could be fighting a war, losing friends. it could be worse. ]

It gets cold. It's always kind of cold, even though I've been traveling in spaceships longer than you have. It helps if you move around.

You have friends here. I don't need to tell you that it's a good time to enjoy their company as much as you can. Maybe that's all you need to do here.

Edited 2016-04-24 05:39 (UTC)

[Moving around... Shinji nods slowly, thinking that's sensible advice. He isn't a total slug, but he does prefer to sit somewhere and listen to music. Maybe he should make a habit of jogging around the ship instead.

As for the rest of Anakin's insight, that is also surprisingly sensible. Surprising if only because--] I've never thought about it that way. That... I'm supposed to be with them, that being with them is the point. I mean... [He rubs at one of his eyes.] I've been afraid of them disappearing. I know it's happened to lots of people, but I've been... letting the idea of that get in the way of... [He gestures vaguely, then.] Enjoying.

[ There's a faint smile on his face. It fades too soon. Shinji's fears are his own. And he knows exactly how hard it is to come to that realization, to even voice it. ]

I know. Sometimes, it's hard to believe that the only thing you can do for your friends is to be there for them. You might want to do more but here, there's nothing you can do. But while we're away from whatever conflict we have in our own universe, enjoying their company and being allowed to, that's almost a gift.

I've lost some important people here. But I'm glad that I got to spend time with them at all.

[It's unlike Shinji to look for a silver lining, but there is one to be found in here.] If he... [...] If my friend... [That isn't the right word to describe Nagisa Kaworu. Not even best friend can capture how Shinji feels about him. It goes beyond friendship--beyond romance--about as far out as the edge of the universe and then another step beyond that. It's everything that is, was, and ever will be for him. But his heart is too tender to expose it like that.]

If I lose my friend again, it won't be as bad as the first time. I'm pretty sure. But I'll probably lose my mind anyway. It just... [He trails off with a weaker voice.

Then, trying not to be intrusive:] Ahsoka-san told me about some of the conflict. It sounds terrible.

[ He's not sure how to approach Shinji's shift to him. It's not Shinji's burden to carry, and hearing it does nothing. ]

It was. It still is, for some of us.

[ A sigh ]

You give yourself to despair too easily. [ It's an easy phrase. It slips out before he's even aware of it. It's been told to him too many times. Too easy to be emotional. Too easy to give into all the negative emotions that he harbors. ] You can't lose hope. There has to be hope. But if you do lose your mind, we can find it together.

[Shinji has heard that same thing countless times, and he says as much with a short, semi-surprised laugh:] You sound like my best friend. Kaworu-kun's always going on about how there has to be hope, no matter the circumstances. No unforgivable sins. Stuff like that. Meanwhile, I'm over here with the... cynicism, and the anger problem, and...

[Understatement. His rage, once unleashed, is capable of causing the apocalypse.]

It would help if I could figure out the whole meditation thing.

[ Chuckling: ] Maybe it's time you start listening to your best friend.

But I can understand ... [ He trails off for a moment and dons a wry expression. It's too close to home, perhaps. But he's honest in his confession. ] It comes and goes. Friends are there to remind you when not to lose hope, or faith or courage, when you need it the most.

Mediation doesn't come easy to me either. Maybe you're just like me. You just need a way of meditating that fits you.

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