driftfleet | 003 ;;

Who: Winter & You
Broadcast: Fleetwide
Action: The Iskaulit
When: 3/20

[ Text ]

How does everyone deal with loss? How much of an impact is it meant to have?

Similar. Unrelated. Is anyone familiar with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder? I would like to know more.

[ Action >> Iskaulit ]

[ If you happen to be on the Iskaulit at any time in the wee hours of the morning, between two and six, you may run into Winter utilizing the gym. There aren't really posted hours, and that's usually when no one else is around.

The poor sandbags that he helped Jim hang all those months ago are getting a beating. Winter's focus is zeroed in on the same worn spot, but apparently something gives. Winter reels his left arm back, a high metallic whine the only warning before he lands a blow. It's enough force that not only does it knock the sandbag from its hook, but it goes flying across the room like it's nothing.

Emotional? Who's emotional? Nobody here. Mind your business! ]

[ Action >> Heron ]

[ Winter may have been restless before, but without Jim, this is something new entirely. Crew have been coming and going regularly over the past few months, but this is different. The Atroma decided that he should be captain? Over someone who would probably be more capable at it. He sees what you did there. You just couldn't pass up the chance to not have to change names in the roster, huh?

He's trying to wrap his head around it. Sure, he led teams on missions as the Winter Soldier, but that was different. He wasn't really calling the shots. Being Captain is new and scary and leaves room for so much to go wrong.

If anyone wants to bother him, or happens to be visiting, he is more than likely roaming the halls trying to burn off the nervous energy. He's comfortable with the ship, but now he wants to know it inside and out. ~~As if he hadn't already done that.~~ Honestly, he is distraught without Jim and doesn't know how to handle it. It's not as if he can talk to Natasha about it, either. Or Steve.

The message is more than clear- don't get attached. ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

This is...helpful. I may try some of those. I'm not certain what will work. I have been writing some things. Memories. Just in case.

It makes it... real. And when it's real, you force yourself to accept it. That's what it feels like to me. You'll find the thing that works for you, though. But I hope that this helps you find what does.

Either way, it will ensure that I remember. Just in case.

So long as it helps you, that's all that matters. It'll probably take some trial and error, but you'll find it.

If I can ask... who did you lose?

Three people I was closest to. One of them was my brother. As close to it as he could be.

_{[ Ouch, three at once. That was rough. He felt a stab of sympathetic
pain for the other. ]}

Damn, that's rough. I know how hard that is. I wish I could tell you it'll get better quick, but... well, for me it certainly hasn't. But that's where the talking or writing it down comes in. Helps you get all the emotions out, the things in your head.

Some things are better left in the dark.

Yeah, usually there are. There is another option though. You could write it down and then burn it, or destroy it some other way. It gets it out, but there's no risk of anyone else ever seeing it.

_{[ He can understand the not wanting to talk about some things, about
not even wanting to write it out. He had used the particular method he
outlined when the nightmares had been very bad, and sometimes did if
running didn't quite work. In the beginning, at least. Now he didn't, but
the beginning had been hard - very hard. He disliked admitting he used the
method, but if it helped this guy, then his own feelings on could take a
back seat in his mind. ]}

I could try it. It makes sense.

[ For most of what he wants to write out, he's not sure where to start. It's all noise between his ears, a vicious static that rarely diminishes to anything less than a dull roar. Some of those memories are jumbled, or he's not sure how to put them into words. ]

All you can do is try. You'll never know if it works for you if you don't.

Are there other things you've tried that have had some personal result? Beyond the writing or speaking about it.

Running. Exercise, really, but I like running. Just something to get you out of the head space.

I do those things, anyway. It's routine. I guess I see the merit in the distraction.

Pretty much. It's just my way of getting out of my own head, you know?

I understand.

I hope you find something that works for you.

_{[ It was the only thing to say, since good luck sounded... well,
wrong. ]}

I'll find it. If I don't, I'll get over it.

Thank you.

You're welcome. You can talk to me, if you want - you know, if you want more advice.

I'll try to keep that in mind.

Good. I hope it gets better, even a little.

003 ;;

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